


The Beau Monde

by Thatoneloser_kid



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clarke married into it, Deals with domestic violence so if that might trigger you please do not read, F/F, Lexa was born into money, Lincoln and Anya are Lexa's siblings, it never shows any domestic abuse but it talks about it and shows the aftermath
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-26 02:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 76,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4987441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatoneloser_kid/pseuds/Thatoneloser_kid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lexa was dragged to another one of the overly extravagant parties held by one of her parents pretentious friends the last thing she expected was was to befriend a pretty blonde woman. She also didn’t expect said pretty woman to be married to the old man trying to go into business with her father</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written Lexa/Clarke in forever! Let me know how you guys feel about it and if I should continue? Thank you for reading : )

Lexa didn’t even want to be here. She thought that once she turned eighteen her parents would stop dragging her to these stupid events held by their stupid rich ‘friends’. 

She should’ve known better, really. Because at twenty four and twenty one, Anya and Lincoln were still being dragged along. 

“I hate these things,” Lexa grumbled, tugging at her shirt. She stuck out like a sore thumb; dressed in her red plaid shirt, a pair of torn skinny jeans and her distressed looking combat boots. Lincoln wasn’t much better, dressed in a pair of black jeans, a white shirt and his leather jacket. The only one of the Woods siblings that seemed to have made an effort was Anya, who was dressed in a beautiful emerald green gown her hair curled, a complete contrast to Lexa’s, whose barely looked brushed.

“Count yourself lucky,” Lincoln murmured, leaning back against the wall, bringing his drink up to his lips. “I’ve been coming to these things six years longer than you have.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, bringing her own, non-alcoholic, drink to her lips. “At least you can drink.”

“I’m just glad Anya is the pride and joy of the family,” Lincoln murmured, tipping the rim of her glass in the direction of Anya, who was laughing -falsely, Lexa noted- at something an old, creepy man had said. “At least we aren’t been showcased like a show pony.”

“Mm,” Lexa hummed into her glass. “Watching this makes me want to drop out of school and become a disappointment.”

“I’m not sure that will work,”

“Worked for you.” She teased, laughing when Lincoln shot her a glare. “I was kidding, kind of.”

Lexa watched Anya as she turned away from the creepy man, her smile instantly dropping into a scowl as she made her way over to her siblings.

“I wish I hadn’t bothered graduation,” Anya hissed, snatching Lincoln’s drink from him and downing it in one. She cringed when she finally registered the taste, a shiver wrecking her body. “Jesus fuck, what is that?”

“Whiskey,” Lincoln answered with a smirk. 

“Mixed with what?”

“More whiskey,” He shrugged when Anya have him a disbelieving look. “What? I need a lot of help to get through this stupid thing.”

“I’m going to get another Coke, you want one?” Lexa asked, setting her empty cup on the table beside her and back peddling toward the bar. 

“Yeah, sure.”

Lexa spun around on the balls of her feet and headed over to the bar, resting her elbows on the counter, waiting for the bartender to come by. 

She tapped her fingers restlessly on the surface, her eyes gravitating to the left when she felt someone come up beside her. A beautiful woman, not much older than Lexa, with pretty blonde hair, rosy red lips and a teal blue dress that, Lexa noted, went well with her eyes. 

The girl spotting Lexa staring and smile, opening her mouth to speak but the bartender bet her to it, asking what Lexa wanted. 

She placed her order and glanced back over at the woman beside her. She was now leaning back against the bar, her blonde hair thrown haphazardly over her shoulder as her eyes surveyed Lexa. 

“You’re a Woods, aren’t you?” The woman asked in an almost salutary tone, her eyes dragging up the length of Lexa’s body to look back into her eyes. 

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“You and your brother have the same punk rock, 'I don’t owe the world shit’ feel about you. Also your facial structure, you Woods’ have really sharp, sculptured edges.”

“You know my brother?” Was all Lexa could think to say in that moment and she wanted to kick herself. This beautiful woman was flirting with her and _that_ was the question she asked?

“You Woods are pretty infamous. Your parents fork out a lot of money at these events.”

“What is this one even for?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” the woman shrugged and Lexa laughed, paying the bartender when he sat her drinks in front of her. “I’m Clarke, by the way.”

“Cool,” Lexa murmured, gently taking ahold of Clarke’s outstretched hand. “I’m Lexa, the youngest Woods.”

“Mm,” Clarke practically purred, her thumb brushing against Lexa’s knuckles before she pulled back. 

“Who’re you here with?”

“My husband,” Clarke nudged her head over to the man who was currently standing with Lexa’s parents. He must have been at least double Clarke’s age, grey hair and slightly heavy set, Lexa didn’t see the appeal. 

“Seriously?” Lexa frowned, smiling brightly when her parents turned to look at her, lifting her hand as a greeting. “He’s twice your age,” She said out of the corner of her mouth, her smile dropping when her parents turned back to the man. Clarke’s husband.

“Age is merely a number, Woods.” 

Lexa rolled her eyes. “How much is he worth?”

“Kind of rude, don’t you think?” Clarke asked but her smirk didn’t falter as she stepped a little closer to Lexa, running her fingertips down the skin on Lexa’s forearm. 

“Well, why else would you be with him?” Lexa challenged, stealing herself when Clarke’s breath washed over her face. They were out in the open, Clarke’s husband was a few feet away and Clarke was up this close to her, looking at her like she was a piece of meat. “I mean, sure, if he is quiet well equipped that’s fine but I’m sure he is just like a sack of potatoes in bed, I’m not sure his fragile little heart could handle anything more demanding.”

“Oh, and you think you could handle me?” Clarke quirked an eyebrow, her eyes hooded as she peered down at Lexa and Lexa knows she should take a step back and just stop this right now. She didn’t, she couldn’t really bring herself to do that. 

“Princess, please, I could show you things that guys degenerated mind couldn’t even dream up.”

Clarke smirked, her eyelashes fluttered at Lexa’s words. 

“Hey, kid, where’s that Coke?” Anya asked, appearing behind Lexa. 

Clarke took a step away from her, her eyes not leaving Lexa as she grabbed her drinks and followed after her sister. 

“Are you fucking crazy?” Anya hissed as they reached Lincoln. “Surely you must know that she is married too that guy over that. That billionaire who just so happens to own this mansion and who is holding this event.”

“I was just asking what she seen in him,” Lexa shrugged, “She came on to me.”

Lincoln nudged Lexa’s shoulder with his elbow and tapped the rim of her glass with the top of his hip flask. Lexa nodded, allowing Lincoln to pour a generous amount of whisky into her Coke. 

Anya scowled at the both of them. 

“Come on, An, relax.” Lincoln sighed, holding his flask out too his sister. “This place is boring as shit and if she can’t flirt with rich old men’s wives she will need a little help.”

“Fine,” Anya snatched the flask out of his hand and poured some into her drink before shoving it back into her grinning brothers hand. “But don’t let her get drunk, understand?”

Lincoln nodded innocently, waiting for Anya to move away again before nudging his sister. “She was hot, though.” He commented, chinking his glass against Lexa’s. “But Anya is right, going after a rich man’s wife would never end well.”

“I wasn’t going after her,” Lexa argued with a halfhearted laugh, taking a gulp of her drink, cringing when the liquid burned down her throat. “She was flirting with me. I think she’s just bored, can you imagine dating something as prehistoric as that?”

“To be fair he isn’t that old,” Lincoln reasoned and Lexa peered over the rim of her glass at Clarke who was standing behind her husband but something was off. Her husband was paying attention to the group of girls that surrounded him which, what? Clarke was the prettiest girl at this party (well, she was on par with Anya but Lexa would never admit that to her siblings). “He’s only about seventy and he still seems to be a real hit with the girls.”

“His money is a real hit with the girls, I bet he needs meds just to get himself going.”

“Don’t be moody,” Lincoln laughed, patting his sisters shoulder. “I’m sure you will find yourself a hot girl soon.”

“I’m not being moody I’m just saying, the guy is a creep.”

“Mm, but that’s just something that happens to old, lonely rich men, they go after the youngest models. The ones with the tight bodies and the nice wracks.”

“Dude, stop being so crass.” Lexa grumbled, topping her glass in the direction of the man. “Maybe that’s you in sixty years.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Lincoln shrugged with a smirk that was partially hidden behind his glass. 

“It’s gross, dude.” Lexa huffed. “I mean he is married and he is letting those women paw at him like horny dogs, right in front of his wife, no less.”

“I just won’t get married.”

“Mm, you are just going to stay a trust fund baby all your life.”

“I don’t know what job you think you’re gonna get with a zoology degree but I can promise you that it won’t pay a lot.”

“I don’t need it too,” Lexa shrugged, draining the remainder of her drink, swallowing the urge to throw it right back up. “I don’t wanna buy myself a wife.”

“Aw, you wanna marry for love?” Lincoln cooed teasingly, ruffling his sisters hair. “That’s cute, kiddo.”

“Fuck off,” Lexa grumbled, fixing her hair as she scowled up at her brother. “I don’t wanna get married at all but I don’t want be with someone who is only with me because I have money either.”

“Well, if you ever _did_ at least it’s legal now.”

“Then maybe you can marry the pool boy,” Lexa tossed her grin over her shoulder as she made her way back over to the bar for another coke. 

Lincoln added some whiskey to that Coke too, and the next three after that and it wasn’t until Lexa went to find a bathroom that she realised Lincoln hadn’t kept his word to Anya about not letting her get drunk.

Lexa stumbled as she pushed opened a random door, a little 'oops’ and a giggle escaping her lips when she realised it was a bedroom she had stumbled into. 

She quickly turned around, tripping again over the same little bit of carpet she had before. The next door she tried was locked, leading her to make up a scenario in her head about some kind of sex dungeon, she quickly stopped thinking about the old guy but she didn’t mind thinking about Clarke using it. She finally stumbled into a bathroom on her fourth try but it wasn’t an empty bathroom, this bathroom was occupied by the pretty girl from the bar. 

“Oh, hey, sorry. I’ve been lookin’ for a bathroom in this place for the past ten minutes.” Lexa stumbled over her words as she swayed in the doorway, watching Clarke’s reflection as she finished reapplying her lipstick before grinning at Lexa through the mirror 

“Are you drunk?” She asked, fixing the line of her lipstick with her thumb before turning to Lexa, resting her lower back against the sink. 

“Define drunk?”

“Do you want the Oxford definition or my definitely?” Clarke crossed her arms and Lexa could stop her eyes from dropping to her chest, that seemed to be pushed up further by the crossing of her arms. 

“Uh, both.” Lexa squeaked.

“Ok,” Clarke hummed, taking a step closer to Lexa using her knuckles to lift the girls eyes up to her own. “Well, the Oxford definition is someone who is affected by alcohol to the extent of losing control of one’s behaviours. _My_ definition is swaying in the doorway of a bathroom with a goofy, adorable smile.”

“You have beautiful eyes,” Lexa sighed, her shoulders sagging forward as if Clarke’s knuckles under her chin was the only thing holding her up. 

“And you are drunk,”

“Sure,” Lexa agreed, waving her hand dismissively. “ _But_ I will wake up and be sober, in the morning you will still have beautiful eyes.” 

Clarke released a throaty laugh, gripping onto Lexa’s shoulders, forcing her to stand up straight. “Are you even old enough to drink?”

Lexa stared at Clarke through bleary eyes, pointing lazily up at the blonde. “No, but I can legally get married and join the army.”

“Not what I asked but ok,” Clarke grinned. “How about we don’t get married just yet, you never join the army and I take you to the spare room to sleep this off. The function won’t be over for hours yet, I can let your brother and sister know where you are.”

“I don’t need to sleep, ’m fine.” Lexa assured, smiling brightly at Clarke but it dropped off into a little frown after a few seconds. “Why was he ignorin’ you?”

“Who?”

“The grandpa you married, he wasn’t paying you any attention and whenever you spoke he just kind of waved you off.” Lexa commented, allowing Clarke to guide her over to the toilet, sitting her down on the lid (probably because she almost keeled over backwards as she was speaking). “Like, I don’t get it.”

“What don’t you get?” Clarke inquired curiously, sitting down on the lip of the huge bathtub. “Did you expect him to be the attentive husband with all those girls fawning over him?”

“Ok, sure,” Lexa huffed, holding her hand out in Clarke’s direction. “Those girls were pretty but you, they didn’t have a patch on you. If I had a girl as pretty as you no one else would ever catch my attention.”

“That’s sweet,” Clarke smiled, gently squeezing Lexa’s knee. “But you as much as anyone should understand that when you have money it can buy you anything you want, be that a beautiful wife or pretty mistress.”

“I suppose my mom and dads relationship isn’t much to go on either. Anya had a boyfriend but he was an asshole and Lincoln kind of has a thing with the pool boy.”

“And you?” Clarke asked, looking at Lexa through her eyelashes. 

“Nah,” Lexa shook her head quickly and shrugged her shoulders. “People know who I am, they tend to avoid me.”

There was a little frown on Clarke’s face but she didn’t ask why and Lexa figured she probably already knew. Everyone had heard the stories about how ruthless and mean her father was and she had probably seen the stories about the out of control Woods kids. 

“Are you old enough to drink?” Lexa asked quickly, trying to change the subject. 

“I am, but only just.” Clarke said with a cheeky little smile. “You must have people who want to date you because they know you have money.”

“Well, yeah, sure. But that’s not the same.”

“It would make you feel less lonely.”

“No, you would still feel lonely. I mean, they would keep me warm but they wouldn’t really know me.” Lexa reasoned. “Are _you_ lonely?”

“What’s that got to do with it?”

“Nothing, I’m just curious.” Lexa shrugged. “You act like it doesn’t bother you, that him ignoring you is fine but it’s not, I could see it in your face every time he waved you off like you were nothing.”

“Ok, but we are only talking about this because you’re drunk and probably won’t remember this in the morning.” Clarke sighed, “Yeah, I am lonely but I don’t have it made like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“My dad was killed and my mom spiralled into a depression, she didn’t go out to work so I had to do it for her as soon as I was able too. That’s why it was so easy for me to marry Jeff, love doesn’t mean anything to me, it doesn’t exist as far as I’m concerned and I thought I deserved a break.”

“What happened to him?”

“He was in a car crash, entirely my fault, I went out and got drunk and he had to come pick me up. The reason I was out getting drunk was because my parents were going through a rough patch, constantly fighting my, I’m pretty sure my mom was fucking her boss, it just messed thirteen year old me up.” 

“That still isn’t a reason to be in an unhappy relationship, just 'cause you’re 'rents weren’t happy.”

“No offence, kid, but you don’t really know shit. You were brought up in a happy family with money, you had nothing to worry about growing up.”

“My mom was never home, I was raised by my brother and sister, my dad knocks us around, we get twenty rounds of his belt on our backs if we have been particularly badly behaved and I have to take pills just to stop me from completely breaking down in public.” Lexa shot back, her drunk eyes narrowed as she spoke. “But, sure, because I have money I have nothing to worry about.”

Clarke eyed Lexa for a few seconds, not entirely sure what to say to that so, instead, she motioned toward the toilet. “Pee then we can head back downstairs, we can avoid your parents, hang out in the lounge area away from everyone.”

Lexa glanced down at the toilet. “With you here?”

“Is that a problem?”

“Yes,” Lexa squeaked. “I will have performance anxiety.”

Clarke laughed as she stood up, holding onto Lexa’s elbows and pulling her up with her. “I’m sorry for what I said and what I made you say.”

“Whatever,” Lexa grumbled, clumsily pulling the lid to the toilet up, peering at Clarke over her shoulder. “I wasn’t kidding about performance anxiety, I won’t be able to pee with you here.”

“I will be waiting right outside, ok?”

Lexa nodded jerkily, pointing accusingly over at Clarke. “Don’t listen.”

“Why would I want to listen to you pee?”

“Mm, true.” Lexa agreed waiting for Clarke to leave before peeing.

They ended up in the lounge after that, Lexa lying back lazily on an armchair while Clarke perched herself on the arm. “So, what do you do? Do you work for your parents?”

“No, I’m at university.”

“What are you studying?”

“Zoology with a minor in cryptozoology,” Lexa said, her head lolling to the side so she could peer up at Clarke. “The cryptozoology thing is more because I find it interesting, I don’t really want a job in that field.”

“What job do you want?”

“I want to look after wolves.”

Clarke looked a little perplexed at that, “Look after them?”

“Mm, like in conservation zoos and stuff, you know? I wanna help rehabilitate injured wolves.” Lexa explained, watching as Clarke’s face morphed from an confused look to a soft, impressed look. “What?”

“Nothing. I just thought you would’ve carried on the family business, you know? Like your brother is, or even become a doctor like your sister.”

“Nope,” Lexa said, popping the 'p’ as she shook her head, pointing her thumbs at herself. “Family disappointment.”

“Seriously? Your parents consider what you’re doing as disappointing?”

“Mhm. I won’t end up with a job that pays hundreds of thousands of dollars, that’s disappointing to them.”

“And what about you?” Clarke kicked her heels off, perching her feet on the arm across from her, stretching her legs across Lexa’s body. That seemed to capture Lexa’s full attention, the younger girls eyes running down Clarke’s legs with a look that Clarke hadn’t had directed toward her in since high school. Clarke snapped her fingers in front of Lexa’s face and the girls head snapped up, a sheepish smile appearing on her lips. 

“Sorry, what?”

“What do you think? Do you think it’s disappointing that you won’t be earning a lot of money?”

“I don’t really care. Money isn’t top of my priorities and I know I can say that because it’s never something I’ve had to worry about but love or, you know, happiness will always trump it for me.” Lexa explained lazily, licking her lips, touching her pointer finger against her bottom lip as she tried to keep her hands as far away from Clarke’s legs as possible. 

“Love is over rated.”

“Love can’t just be what my 'rents have or what your 'rents had. It has to be more than that, that can’t just be it.”

“What if it is?”

Lexa looked thoughtful for a second before shaking her head definitively. “It isn’t. I’ve _seen_ love, ok? My brother has a boyfriend, the pool boy, and you can see it in his eyes, you know? Whenever he talks about him his eyes just light up, you can see how much he loves him just by how his body language changes. _They_ are my proof that love exists.”

“Well then, his is one of the lucky ones.”

“Maybe,” Lexa hummed, seemingly loosing her fight with herself as her touched her fingertips against Clarke’s shins. “But I’m still not going to give up on finding what they have.”

Clarke watched Lexa’s hand as her fingers skimmed down her shins and over the bone of her ankle. 

“Lexa, there you are.”

Lexa was out of her seat in a second, knocking Clarke’s legs away (and almost knocking her off the chair completely), her eyes landing on her dad as she swayed. 

Clarke slyly placed her hand on Lexa’s back as she stood, an attempt to keep her standing, smiling sweetly at Lexa’s father. “Sorry, Mr Woods, Lexa and I have just been hanging out.”

The man’s eyes ran down Clarke’s body, his lips turned up in disgust as her murmured. “I seen that,”

“Dad, that wasn’t what it looked like. We were just talking.”

“I’m sure,” the man hummed, levelling his hard eyes on Lexa. “Have you been drinking?”

“What? No, dad. No.” Lexa lied. 

“What have a told you about lying, sweetheart?” The man said with a sickeningly sweet smile. “Come on, I think it’s time we got you home.”

Lexa took a step forward, glancing back at Clarke when the woman fisted the back of her shirt. She opened her mouth but quickly closed it again when Lexa shook her head. “I’ll see you around.” Lexa said and something in the way she said it told Clarke not to even try and argue, that whatever was coming would be made worse if she did. 

Clarke swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, see you.”

Lexa followed her dad out of the lounge to where her siblings and mom were waiting. 

“Everything ok?” Lincoln asked quietly as they waited for the valet to bring their car around. 

Lexa clenched her jaw and peered up at her brother, faintly shaking her head. 

“I will tell him I gave it to you.”

“Don’t,” Lexa warned. “That isn’t why he is mad anyway and if you tell him that will just result in both of us getting hurt.”

Lincoln told their dad anyway and, like Lexa had pointed out, had been subjected to the same beating Lexa was. 

The next day they both sported matching black eyes and probably had pretty similar belt buckle marks painted across their backs.

Anya eyed them carefully over breakfast, wishing the same thing they all do when one of them got hurt; that they could stop it, some how defend their siblings without ending up with the same fate.

Lexa was in her room studying later that night when there was a knock on her door. 

“I’m busy Lincoln.” She called, figuring it wasn’t her parents since they were on a plane somewhere over the Atlantic right now or Anya who was working. She sighed when the door opened. “Dude, I don’t wanna talk about it.”

When she snapped her head round instead of Lincoln in her doorway it was Clarke, looking rather uncomfortable at first but that morphed into a look of concern as she made her way over to Lexa’s desk. “What did he do to you?” She asked, gripping onto Lexa’s chin. She tried to pull her head away but Clarke didn’t let her. “Was this for getting drunk?”

“No,”

Clarke frowned at first, wondering why the hell Lexa’s dad would hit her if it wasn’t for getting drunk then it dawned on her, the position he had caught them in last night. “Was this my fault?”

“No, it was my own fault.”

“Don’t lie to me, kid.” Clarke sighed, running her fingertips around the purple mark on Lexa’s cheekbone. 

“I’m not a kid,”

“Ok. Don’t lie to me, young adult.” Clarke said playfully, drawing a huffy little laugh from Lexa. “I’m not saying it cause you are an actual kid, it’s a term of endearment.”

Lexa nodded, staring up at Clarke as the blonde tentatively moved her head from side to side to look for any more damage. “How did you know my parents wouldn’t be home?”

“'Cause they are at the same function in London as my husband is, I heard them talking about it yesterday.” Clarke answers. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

“Why didn’t you go?”

“I didn’t want to, Lexa, now answer my question. Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Lexa looked at up Clarke and it actually crossed her mind to tell the truth but she quickly vetoed that idea. “No,”

“I don’t believe you,” Clarke shot back within seconds and that threw Lexa a little. Lexa was so used to everyone -save her siblings and the only person outside her family she actually considered a friend, Octavia- just believing her when she said she was fine. “I’m not going to tell anyone.” Clarke promised, her hand dropping from Lexa’s chin as she stared pleadingly down at Lexa. “Talk to me.”

“Why? Because we have some kind of drunken moment you think we are friends?” Lexa huffed, taking a step away from Clarke, running her hand through her hair and throwing it messily over her shoulder. “We aren’t friends, we couldn’t be, my dad sees me with you and I get another one of theses.” Lexa pointed to her black eye and Clarke’s eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and, Lexa thinks, anger? “I don’t even know why you came by.”

“To check up on you,” Clarke said, a scowl appearing on her face as she took a step backwards toward the door. “I don’t know why I bothered now.”

“No, I don’t either. Now, if you don’t mine,” Lexa motioned toward the door with a little flick of her wrist. “I have to study.”

“Fine,” Clarke snapped, wheeling around on the balls of her feet and strutting toward the door (and maybe Lexa’s eyes dropped to her ass, but only for a second. Or five) but her movements stalled before she crossed the threshold. “You are ok, right? You aren’t too badly hurt?” She asked, not bothering to turn around as she stopped on the doorway. 

“No, I’m good.”

Clarke’s head bobbed and Lexa stared at the back of it, waiting for Clarke to continue walking or to turn around and refuse to leave (Lexa isn’t sure which she would prefer right now). “I’m sorry,” She said, then she was gone before Lexa could tell her it wasn’t her fault or ask her to stay. 

Lexa grabbed her biology book and perching herself in her swinging basket seat in the corner. 

She tried to get back into studying but she could only managed to read over a few lines at a time before her vision blurred and her mind wandered to Clarke. 

She finally gave up when her door creaked open a few hours later and Anya peeked her head inside. 

“Hey, kiddo.”

Lexa smiled at her sister, who was still dressed in her hospital clothes, and received a tired smile in return. “How was work?” She asked and Anya took that as an invitation to come in, perching herself on Lexa’s bed. 

“Yeah, it was good.” Anya said. “I heard Clarke stopped by.”

“Yeah,” Lexa sighed, closing her biology book and throwing it into the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest. 

“What’s going on, Lele?” Laura asked softly, and the once cute childhood nickname was kind of bittersweet to Lexa now. It reminded her of when they were kids but now, the only time the names where ever used was after one of their fathers punishments. “She’s married, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You aren’t having an affair or anything, are you?”

“No,” Lexa shook her head, picking at the torn denim around her knee. “I don’t know, Anya. I thought she was just a gold digging bimbo and, sure, the gold digging part is true but she is far from a bimbo.”

“I think you’re just lonely, kiddo, you don’t want a woman like her.” Lexa wanted to argue, tell Anya that she didn’t even know what kind of woman Clarke was but she was to tired and her ribs were beginning to hurt from where her dads belt back at made contact with her side. “You’ll be fine when Octavia gets home, you will be less lonely then.”

“Yeah, I suppose.” Lexa sighed, groaning as she stretched out her legs, making sure not to lift her arms too high to prevent her ribs from hurting more than they already were. 

“Get come sleep, Lele, you have uni in the morning.”

“Yeah, I think I’m going to try and sleep early tonight.”

She went to bed at eleven but she didn’t fall asleep until half past four, only to have to get up at six to get ready for class. 

She managed to concentrate in class but as soon as it was over she drove home and fell into bed, lazily petting the wolfdog puppy (Aurora, called so because of her intense Amber eyes that stuck out against her midnight black fur) when she clambered across her sheets and fell down beside her head, poking her nose against Lexa’s arm. 

Lexa lifted her arm without much thought, allowing the puppy to worm under and settle under her arm, her damp nose touching Lexa’s forehead. 

“Your breath stinks,” Lexa murmured sleepily, lifting her head when she heard her door opened. “I’m not in the mood, Lincoln. I need a nap.”

“I know I just thought I would tell you that mom called, she wants us over in Milan by Saturday, apparently we were invited to a birthday party over there.”

Lexa sighed, cuddling down against her dog. “Ok,”

“Anya can’t go,”

Lexa knew what that meant. Anya was the pride and joy of the Woods siblings but when she wasn’t there that was handed off to Lexa, since she was the only one out of her and Lincoln who was currently at university. “How did she get out of it?”

“She is on call,” Lincoln answered. “We have to be at the airport by seven tomorrow night, the jet will be ready for us.”

“Fine,” Lexa grumbled, closing her eyes and sighing in frustration when she heard her door click closed again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think? Also, maybe message me on tumblr?: ) Thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com

She drove to the airport at seven thirty on Friday night, just as a way of spiting her parents. Aurora was sitting patently in the passenger seat of her Porsche Spyder. 

 

She wasn't at all surprised when she stepped out of the car, her sunglasses perched on her nose and Aurora on a leash beside her, and she was bombarded with yelling and camera flashes. There was a few people flying from LA to Milan for this party, the paparazzi probably knew that and we're hanging around the airport like vultures. 

 

Lexa kept her chin up, her trademark scowl on her face as she strutted into the airport, ignoring the somewhat vulgar things one of the guys were yelling. 

 

She was sitting in the jet half an hour later, lazying around on the sofa, Aurora lying on her stomach, as she typed away on her phone (she decided to text Octavia since she was in Europe right now but she was in Moscow and was busy all weekend so she couldn't make it to Milan). Apparently, even if she did try to be late, she was actually the first out of her and Lincoln to show up. 

 

"I was busy," Was all Lincoln said when he finally fell down on the sofa across from her. 

 

Lexa knew exactly what that meant, he was with the pool boy so she didn't question it. 

 

Lexa spent the majority of the flight trying to do the homework she had planned to do over the weekend but now didn't actually have the time to complete, while Lincoln slept. 

 

They landed in Milan at two am (11am Milan time) and were shuttled off to the town house in central Milan where their parents were staying. 

 

"I can't believe she brought the dog," her dad murmured as she made a b-line for one of the empty rooms, Aurora sticking close to her feet. Even a goddamn wolfdog was afraid of her father. 

 

She dropped her things and was straight back on the door again, Aurora still stuck obediently by her side as she walked aimlessly down one of the streets. She didn't have a plan she just didn't want to be in that house too long.

 

She didn't get to far before she notice someone she immediately recognised walking toward her and, God, really? One thing she thought she wouldn't have had to worry about was Clarke considering she was half way across the globe. 

 

"Seriously, are you following me?" Lexa grumbled and Clarke's eyes snapped up from her phone, her brows furrowing at the sight of Lexa.

 

"Get over yourself, kid, I came out here for a party." There was a little bite in Clarke's tone but the use of the pet name told Lexa that she wasn't as mad as she probably wanted Lexa to think. "We are renting the building beside your parents, but I didn't think you were coming."

 

"I wouldn't have, given the choice."

 

Clarke just nodded, her eyes dropping to the puppy that was sitting obediently by Lexa's leg. "That yours?"

 

"Nah, it just started following me around." Lexa snipped with a little eye roll. "Yes, she's mine."

 

Clarke scowled at Lexa and crouched down in front of the animal, holding her hand out toward the dog. Aurora glanced up at Lexa, as if asking for permission, only rushing over to Clarke when Lexa whispered 'OK'.

 

"You have her well trained, don't you? How old is she?"

 

"A year and it's not hard to train them if you do it correctly." Lexa shrugged. 

 

"Where were you headed?" Clarke asked, mumbling things to the dog as she scratched behind her ear. 

 

"Nowhere, really, I just had to get out."

 

Clarke lifted her eyes to Lexa, still petting the dog as she surveyed the woman above her. "You look tired."

 

Of course she was tired, she had to get up at six yesterday for class then had to not only travel half way across the world but she also had to spent that time travelling rushing to finish homework. She was mentally and physically drained. But, of course, her family didn't notice, no one did. At least until she ran into Clarke . 

 

"Yeah, well, I've been travelling all night."

 

"What, your luxury, private jet isn't comfortable enough to sleep in?" Clarke asked teasingly, lifting her eyebrows challengingly at Lexa. 

 

"Oh no, it is, it's also twice the size of your private jet." Lexa smirked smugly. "But I had a tower of homework to do, I did have a plan that would let me finish it but that was disrupted by the fact I had to come out here and go to a party for a dude who wouldn't even notice if I hadn't shown up."

 

"One of the kids of one of the most powerful couples on the planet doesn't show up to one of the bigger parties of the year?" Clarke scoffed, standing up straight and fixing her shirt. Aurora fell back down beside Lexa's feet. "I think people are bound to notice."

 

"You overestimate my fame, princess."

 

"No at all. You are like Paris Hilton but prettier and smarter." Clarke commented, a ghost of a smirk appearing on her lips when Lexa huffed out a laugh. 

 

"Never compare me to Paris Hilton again."

 

"A Kardashian?" Clarke offered with a look of faux innocence. 

 

"Ok, you're done." Lexa brushed past Clarke, Aurora bouncing at her feet, her tongue lolling out of her mouth. 

 

"Do you want company?" Clarke asked as she walked by. 

 

She did, she really fucking did but Lexa knew if there was even a photo with them in the background together her dad would find it. "No,"

 

"Ok, try not to get lost." Clarke flashed Lexa a tight lipped smile before continuing on her way back to her apartment. 

 

Lexa watched Clarke walk away, glancing down at Aurora who was staring curiously up at her. "She's trouble, that one." Aurora tilted her fluffy little head to the side, waiting for Lexa to continue walking before trotting along beside her. 

 

They ended up outside a cathedral which Lexa probably would've enjoyed more of her mind wasn't on Clarke. 

 

It was stupid, the only interaction Lexa had had with Clarke resulted in her getting a beating so, logically, she should want to stay as far away from her. She didn't, she wanted to march right over to Clarke's apartment and demand they spend time together. 

 

She wasn't going to, of course, she was an eighteen year old student the last thing she needed was the stress of having an affair with someone who was married to a man that was trying to do business with her father. 

 

She wandered around the cathedral before decided that she should probably go get some sleep or she will be tired and irritable at the party tonight. 

 

* * *

 

The party was almost as terrible as the function they had gone to last weekend but Lincoln didn't offer her alcohol, which was good because Lexa was currently being paraded around like a show pony, she didn't need to be drunk for that.

 

And that was fine; smile politely, answer whatever questions her parent's friends had and move on. Easy. 

 

At least until her mom dragged her over to meet Jeff Jefferson (yes, that was his real name. Yes, he was as pretentious as his name would lead you to believe). 

 

Lexa smiled politely, ignoring the way the man's eyes seemed to rake over body, just like they had with Anya last week, and shook his hand. Keeping her eyes away from Clarke who was hovering to her husbands left. "Nice to meet you, sir."

 

The man smile, motioning toward Clarke. "This is my wife, Clarke."

 

Lexa glanced up at her father, not entirely sure _what_ to do but when he narrowed his eyes, nodding toward Clarke's hand she understood. _Pretend last weekend hadn't happened._  


 

Lexa's back straightened as she took a hold of Clarke's hand. "Lexa Woods."

 

"Clarke Griffin,"

 

"So, Lexa, what do you think about your father and I going into business together. Being his little princess I'm sure you can convince him it is a good idea." Jeff said with a condescending smile. 

 

It wasn't. Lexa was a good judge of character and this guy was obviously a slimy, gross human being who wouldn't hesitate to fuck her dad over given half the chance. Clarke seemed to know what she was thinking because her lips hooked up into a ghost of a smile. "I don't really know much about it all, sir."

 

"You don't want to go into the business with your parents and brother?"

 

"I don't,"

 

"Then what is your plan?" He asked and this was beginning to feel like a fucking interrogation to Lexa. She knew he wasn't going to understand, she knew he was going to be disgusted by the fact she wasn't choosing the easy route in life. 

 

"I want to help rehabilitate injured animals, mostly wolves."

 

The look of disgust that appeared on Jeff's face was a complete contrast from the soft, almost proud look that was on Clarke's. Lexa glanced at her father who was watching Clarke carefully. 

 

Lexa made a note to avoid Clarke at all costs. 

 

"Why would you want to do that when you can take over from your mother and father?"

 

"That's not really my thing, sir. I wouldn't be happy working behind a desk like they do. I want to go out and help, kind of like Anya, but I want to help animals."

 

He wasn't getting it, she could tell by the confused look he painted across his features. He was probably completely perplexed at the idea of _helping_ someone or something. 

 

"She thinks she is too good to work for her daddy's little company." The edge in her dad's voice and the grip he now had on her shoulder had Lexa backtracking quickly. 

 

"That's not what I'm saying. I don't think I would be good enough to work for the business, I'm not very good at the kind of stuff."

 

Lexa felt exhausted by the end of the conversation, between her father breathing down her neck and Clarke staring at her she felt like it took all of her energy (which wasn't much considering she didn't actually manage to sleep earlier) to just keep her eyes on the man in front of her. 

 

She was thankful when the whole showy part was over and she could go wandering on her own. 

 

She ended up on a balcony, her chin resting on the railing as she stared out at the old houses, houses probably twice as old as America, watching the native people scurry about the dimly lit streets. The whole thing reminded Lexa of something out of Romeo and Juliet. 

 

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

 

Lexa didn't need to look to know exactly who it was standing behind her, but she glanced up at Clarke anyway, nodding her head. "Yeah, it is." Lexa's voice was that rough and gravely way that only happens when she is tired. "Now I'm almost certain you're following me."

 

"I wanted to check up on you," 

 

Lexa looked so small right now, bent over at the waist, her arms resting on the railing and her chin resting on her arms. Her face was pale and drained looking, not to mention she had bags under her eyes that no eighteen year old should (at least on her left eye, her right was was still bruised, a bruise that was only barely visible under the make-up). 

 

"You don't look well, kid."

 

"I'm fine," Lexa assured, groaning as she stood up straight, stretching out the kink in her neck and shoulders. "I'm good."

 

"You're not." Clarke argued, moving to stand beside Lexa. "You're surviving, there's a difference."

 

"Well, surviving is all I have the energy to do right now." Lexa sighed tiredly, massaging the muscle at the base of her neck. 

 

"Here, let me." Clarke reached out and Lexa honestly doesn't know where she got the energy to move away as quickly as she did. "Don't worry, your parents and Jeff have headed back to the apartments, your brother is still downstairs with a friend of his."

 

Lexa reluctantly allowed Clarke to hold onto her shoulders, pressing her fingers into Lexa's muscles in an attempt to relieve some stress. 

 

"Jesus, kid, you're so tense."

 

"Can you blame me? My dad is watching me like a hawk, I think he's pissed about what I said to your husband earlier, Aurora is in the apartment alone and there is literally not enough hours left for me to finish my report." Lexa said, her eyes closing as she melted into Clarke's touch. "Excuse me for being a little tense."

 

"How about this," Clarke whispered, digging her thumbs a little harder into Lexa's muscles, drawing a breathy groan from the girl. "You go back to your place and get your things then meet me at the little cafe a few streets over. I can help you with this paper and even treat you to coffee."

 

"You are going to help me with a paper of nerve cells?" 

 

"My biology is limited to mostly medical and pharmacology, and even at that the nervous system has always been something I struggled with, but I'm sure I can help."

 

"You went to college?" Lexa honestly didn't mean to sound as surprised as she did and, judging by Clarke's laugh, she noticed. 

 

"Don't sound so surprised," Clarke said, giving Lexa's shoulders a teasing little pinch. "Scholarship, I was studying medical and pharmacology at Berkley, I had a minor in physics, too ."

 

"You were a medical student?" Lexa didn't even bother trying to hide the surprise in her voice as she turned around to face Clarke. 

 

Clarke bobbed her head, "MD and everything."

 

"You're a doctor?" Lexa sputtered. "Why don't you introduce yourself as Doctor Clarke Griffin, then?"

 

"You have no idea how men work, do you?" Clarke said with a little grin.

 

"Well, being gay, understand how men work is kind low on my list of things to do."

 

"So you're gay?" Clarke inquired carefully. "Then why have you been pictures with guys."

 

"Wow, stalker much?" Lexa grumbled, smirking when Clarke tutted. She leant back against the balcony behind her. "Those are either my friends or the few I've actually been pictured holding hands with or kissing are just PR stunts. God forbid anyone knows daddies little girl is into girls." Lexa scowled, a little, sarcastic laugh leaving her lips as she pointed over at Clarke. "Which is fucking hilarious, by the way, 'cause it's not just me. Lincoln's into guys as well as girls, currently fucking the pool boy, and Anya had a girlfriend for a year and a half in college."

 

"What would he do if he knew?" Clarke inquired softly, leaning against the balcony beside Lexa, eyeing the younger woman carefully.

 

"Cut me off," Lexa shrugged. "Kick me out, maybe even just kick me, I have no idea and it's not something I wish to find out, either." Lexa ran her fingers through her already messy hair, ruffling it further as she nodded. "I like the idea of going to that cafe, though."

 

"Ok, I will go get my car and meet you there."

 

Lexa nodded, watching Clarke attentively as turned around, strutting confidently toward the door. "Clarke?"

 

Clarke spun around just as she entered the building, her eyebrows raised questioningly at Lexa. "Yeah?"

 

Lexa gnawed down on her bottom lip as she motioned toward Clarke. "You look beautiful,"

 

Clarke perked up at that, the smile on her lips telling Lexa that she had been the first one to tell her that tonight which was fucking ridiculous. If her husband didn't tell her someone else should have. "Thanks, kid, you aren't looking too terrible yourself." Clarke commented, smirking at Lexa before leaving. 

 

Lexa laughed gruffly, tilting her head back to stare up at the dark, clean sky. "I am screwed."

 

Lexa drove home to pick up her things, stuffing her books and laptop into her bag before quickly leaving again, not wanting to explain to her dad where she was going. She peeked her head into the cafe when she got there, pointing back out the door when Clarke spotted her. "I've got Aurora with me, I can't come inside."

 

"Who?" She heard Clarke call as she stepped away from the door, sitting down at one of the tables. 

 

Clarke seemed to realise who Aurora was when she came outside and noticed the dog lying down at Lexa's feet. 

 

To Lexa, Clarke looked like a completely different woman right now, her face bare and her glamour dress from earlier gone. It had been replaced with a pair of black, curve hugging jeans and a simple green and white raglan shirt. Her hair was still wavy but it had been pinned back out of her face. 

 

She had been beautiful tonight but now she was a whole different kind of beautiful, and that was incredible to Lexa, how Clarke can look beautiful both done up and dressed down. 

 

Clarke took a seat beside Lexa, setting a take away cup in front of the girl. "I didn't know what you drank so I just got you a coffee with vanilla." Clarke explained, scratching Aurora's head when the dog leant her chin on her knee. 

 

"Thank you," Lexa said offhandedly, opening her laptop and hitting the power button.

 

"Are you sure you want to do this tonight?" Clarke asked, watching Lexa attentively as the young girl searched through her bag for her notes. "You're exhausted, Lexa."

 

"That's what coffee is for," Lexa picked up the coffee Clarke had gotten her and took a sip, nodding her head as the liquid warmed her throat. "That's good."

 

Clarke gave Lexa a worried look but didn't argue, instead routing through her bag and pulling out a little rectangular case. 

 

Lexa watched her slip on the brown and black glasses and pulled Lexa's notes over to her, her eyes scanning quickly over the writing. She couldn't possible be taking any of it in, not with the speed she is reading over it (it took Lexa three times to fully understand it) but Lexa thinks she isn't actually trying to fully understand it, just get the gist of it so she can help her with this paper. And that was sweet of her, and she looked really fucking pretty in those glasses, and she was chewing down on her lip as she concentrated. Lexa can't look away. 

 

Clarke glanced up when she realised Lexa wasn't actually doing anything, doing a double take when she noticed Lexa is just staring at her, her cheek resting on her fist and a look on her face that Clarke thought only happened in those dumb romantic movies Raven madeher watch. Lexa's smile was soft, her eyes cloudy and it was driving Clarke nuts. 

 

"Staring it me isn't going to get this paper done," Clarke commented and Lexa snaps out of whatever trance she had been in, cursing herself for actually getting caught _staring_.

 

"I didn't know you wore glasses," Lexa commented, trying to seem nonchalant as she opened up a new document on her laptop. 

 

"You say that like you know a lot about me."

 

Touché. 

 

"Why don't you wear them all the time?"

 

"I usually wear contacts but they were making my eyes hurt so I took them out in the car." Clarke explained, routing through the stack of papers. "Do you have a sheet that outlines how this essay is supposed to be structured?"

 

"Yeah, it's in the middle of my textbook." Lexa explained, her attention being caught by a young woman as she approached them, crouching down beside Aurora. 

 

"Posso suo animale domestico?" The woman asked, and she was pretty, had a real Italian beauty about her. 

 

"Certamente," Lexa smiled, motioning toward Aurora who's tail was now wagging at the new addition to the group. 

 

"Quanti anni ha?" The woman asked, lifting her eyes to Lexa as she scratched the dogs head. 

 

"Un anno," Lexa answered, smiling when Aurora brushed herself against the woman's knee. "Le piaci."

 

The woman giggles at that and Lexa glanced up at Clarke to see her staring at her with an impressed looked. "You speak Italian?"

 

"And German," Lexa added, grinning when Clarke's eyebrows raised. "You aren't the only one with a brain, princess."

 

Lexa looked back at the woman as she stood up straight, smiling at both Clarke and Lexa. 

 

"Grazie. Lei è Bella."

 

The woman left and Clarke laughed, shaking her head lightly. "I can't believe you speak Italian. That's hot."

 

Lexa grinned smugly at that, turning her attention to her laptop. 

 

They managed to finish most of the paper and, surprisingly, Clarke was a lot of help. Not with the theory side of everything, the nervous system was what she absolutely sucked at in college, but she helped Lexa with the wording of the thing. Lexa would tell her the theory and Clarke would tell her how to word it, it was a good system and, God, Lexa wanted Clarke there to help all of the time. 

 

Lexa was surprised they managed to as far as they did, though, with the amount of time she spent staring at Clarke, completely distracted and not even listening to what the woman was saying. Clarke was patient, though, even looked bashful when she caught Lexa staring at her like she was explaining the origin of the stars. She would just smile, gently punch Lexa's leg and tell her to listen (the first time she done that Aurora had growled at her, obviously worried that Clarke was harming Lexa, but when she realised she wasn't she settled). 

 

"I will finish the rest of it on the plane," Lexa said, groaning as she stood up, slinging her bag over her shoulder and whistles at Aurora, waking the sleeping puppy. 

 

"Well, if you need any help just FaceTime me." Clarke offered, stretching her arms above her head. "We make a good team."

 

"Yeah, I suppose it went pretty well."

 

"Do you want a ride back?" Clarke asked, motioning back toward her rental car.

 

"You drove here? It is a ten minute walk."

 

"I just spent three hours in heels, I didn't want to walk any longer." Clarke said, taking one of Lexa's sheets of paper, tearing off a little square before pulling the pen Lexa was currently chewing on out of her mouth, jotting down her number. "Text me once you get back? Or if you ever need someone to talk too."

 

"Cool, I'll see you at some other party, or whatever." Lexa smiled, back-pedalling in the direction of her apartment.  "And thanks for helping me out, I clearly didn't give you enough credit, you've got a pretty good brain on you."

 

"My brain as never been called 'pretty good'. Fantastic, exceptional, even, but never pretty good."

 

Lexa grinned at the girls confidence, she had to admire her for it. "I'll see you around, Doctor Griffin."

 

The way Clarke's face seemed to light up when Lexa used her official title was kind of sad. "You sure you don't want a lift back?"

 

"No, it's fine, Aurora needs the walk, anyway." Lexa nodded down at the animal who was standing sleepily beside her. "Have a safe flight back to the states."

 

"Yeah, you too." Clarke smiled, sliding into her car.

 

* * *

 

Lexa told herself that texting Clarke wasn't a good idea, and doing it only a few hours after she had actually gotten the girls number made her look desperate. 

 

It took her an hour of lying in the dark, staring aimlessly at the ceiling, Aurora curled up against her side, to decide that she didn't really care if she looked desperate, she didn't care that Clarke was probably lying beside her husband right now (she didn't even want to think about what _else_ they could be doing).

 

  
_'U up?'_ She quickly sent before she could change her mind.

 

The reply came within five minutes, making her feel a little less humiliated by how desperate she looked. 

 

**'Lexa I assume?'**

 

_'Did u give any other strange ppl your number?'_

 

**'Nope, just one strange person ;)'**

 

Lexa grinned at the message, running her fingers through the spiky fur on Aurora's head when the animal leant her chin on Lexa's stomach.

 

_'Gd to know. Did u get home ok?'_

 

**'I did but I do kind of wish you had come with me. Jeff is still out, probably with your parents and if they have decided to go into business together they will be out late tonight.'**

 

Lexa read of the message twice, trying to figure out how to reply to that when the little speech bubble appeared again. 

 

  
**'Ok, that sounded like a come on but I didn't mean it like that'** the next message said, immediately followed up with another speech bubble. Clarke was a multi-text kind of girl. 

 

**'I just like spending time with you'**

 

Lexa hated the grin that stretched crossed her lips at that texted, it was stupid, this woman was married, a gold digger, and completely and utterly out of Lexa's league. 

 

_'My dad would kill me if he knew I was even thinking about u'_

 

**'So, you've been thinking about me?'**

 

Lexa could practically see the smug smile on Clarke lips. 

 

_'I can feel ur head grow from here... I want to come over'_

 

**'But you won't.'**

 

_'No'_

 

**'Understandable. You should get some sleep, kid, God knows how long you have been awake.'**

 

_'Who are u traveling home with tomorrow?'_

 

**'On my own, Jeff has some business to deal with in Portugal.'**

 

_'Ok I think I might just take u up on the offer of FaceTime, u were really helpful tonight'_

 

**'No problem, I look forward to it. Goodnight, Lexa :)'**

 

_'G'night princess'_

 

* * *

 

Lexa FaceTimed Clarke almost as soon as she was seated on the jet, ignoring the look Lincoln gave her and the text message she received from Anya ('this will ruin you, Lele'), sending a glare at Lincoln when she received the message, knowing full well he was the only one who could've informed their sister of what she was doing. 

 

Lincoln fell asleep within an hour and Lexa finished the essay within two, leaving her sitting in front of the laptop, chatting mindlessly with Clarke as Lincoln snored across from her and Aurora chewed of something that she was pretty sure belonged to him. 

 

"What did you want to do?" Lexa asked, tilting her screen down a little and resting her chin on her folded arms. "When you went to college, you must've had a plan for after, what was it?"

 

"A cardiothoracic surgeon."

 

"I'm not even going to pretend I know what that is," Lexa commented which made Clarke laugh, that made Lexa smile. "Was there no jobs?"

 

"Nope. Even being a certified genius can force job openings."

 

Lexa's eyebrows raised curiously at that. " _Certified_ genius?"

 

"Yeah, one-forty-five IQ."

 

"Wow," Lexa breathed. "That's awesome."

 

"Yeah, IQ tests don't really mean much, though."

 

"You can tell you're smart." Lexa said, scratching Aurora's head when the dog trotted over to her, carry what Lexa now realised was one of Lincoln's shoes in her mouth. "Like, when we first met I just thought you were like all of those other girls who fawn over rich guys but you're not."

 

"I married him because my mom got sick, her drinking was causing her living to fail, I couldn't afford to help her out because I was working at Disney as Ariel so I wasn't earning much and the insurance company wouldn't pay 'cause it was self inflicted. I met him because of my friend I met in college. Her name is Raven and her family owns a huge gun shop chain, her family is incredible rich, she was invited to a party and took me along." Clarke explained and Lexa wanted to tell her to stop, that she didn't have to tell Lexa anything but she didn't because Clarke was opening up and that was completely ok with her. "We were married within six months."

 

"Is your mom ok?"

 

"Yeah, she survived." Clarke hummed. "I just wanted you to know that I had a reason, that I didn't do it just because I wanted his money."

 

"Why does it matter what I think?"

 

"I don't know but it does."

 

Clarke fell asleep an hour or so after that, not long after complaining about not sleeping much the night before, and Lexa let her sleep, leaving the laptop open in case Clarke woke up (she didn't stare at Clarke. No, that would be creepy).

 

She didn't wake up before Lexa's plane landed. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked if there was a schedule for this fic and the answer to that is no, not exactly. I am updating regularly right now because I have all off these parts already written. Once college starts back I don't know when I will have time to write but I will try my best to update as regularly as possible : ) Also, thank you for all the nice comments and kudos, it is nice to have people read and enjoy something I have written : )

They text every day, for most of the day, and Lexa felt stomach twist whenever Clarke would tell her Jeff was home then wouldn't reply for a while. She didn't know exactly what they were doing but her mind most certainly decided to come up with scenarios. 

 

They didn't see each other again until a pool party at Jeff's mansion in honour of Jeff and the Woods going into business together. 

 

It was a bad idea, Jeff was a sleazy, snake of a man but Lexa definitely wasn't about to question her fathers judgement. 

 

Lexa perched herself on one of the sun loungers along side her siblings, her eyes following Clarke as she walked toward the bar. 

 

Now, Clarke was beautiful both dressed up and dressed down, Lexa already knew that but Clarke in a red bikini? That was incredible sexy. 

 

Clarke was practically preening as she walked past a group of men to get her drink, more than aware that the men would have been checking her out but it wasn't any of the men she turned to look at when she reached the bar. She turned to rest her back against the bar, her elbows leaning of the counter, an obvious attempt to push her chest out a little further, and her eyes instantly found Lexa who was staring at her like a horny teenager. 

 

And she hated that she couldn't stop herself from gawping, that she couldn't look away, even when Clarke was grinning at her like some kind of predatory animal what had finally managed to corner its pray. Anyone who looked at her now would know exactly what was happening but she couldn't really bring herself to care, not when Clarke was looking at her like she wanted to just throw her on the bar in front of everyone and ravage her. 

 

Then her husband appeared out of nowhere, his hand splaying out across Clarke's stomach, startling the blonde (and Lexa didn't miss the almost disgusted look she had when the man whispered something against her ear) then he disappeared, leaving Clarke to continue her sauntering around. 

 

Clarke was showing off and that was fine, Lexa had come to realise that that was what Clarke does (and so she should, if she was confident enough in herself), but the thing that really pissed Lexa off was when Clarke sat down on her husbands lounged and he her started pawing at her like a horny fucking animal. It shouldn't piss her off, they are fucking married, she was the one at fault here, not either one of them, but she could feel the irritation creep up her spine.

 

Lexa scowled over at them from behind her cup, her growl faltering when Clarke eyes locked on hers. Jeff was completely unaware of the look his wife was sharing with his business partners youngest daughter as he continued to kiss Clarke's neck, a look that told Lexa that Clarke was probably trying to imagine it was Lexa there in place of her husband.

 

Lexa's blood was boiling, her stomach was twisted and she fucking hated it. She hated that this woman had this kind of control over her because it was stupid, she didn't even _know_ Clarke, not really, so she shouldn't be feeling like this. 

 

She met one of Octavia's friends, a boy she had met three times, but he was nice and funny so she decided to stick with him for most of the party instead of pinning over Clarke like a love sick puppy. 

 

"Where is she now?" Jasper asked in reference to Octavia. 

 

"Vienna, I think she is planning on heading to Amsterdam next."

 

"How long does she plan on traveling?"

 

"As long as she wants, her words not mine." Lexa answered, her feet swirling around the water as she leant back on her hands, squinting against the sun. "I think she is getting home sick, though. She's calling me a lot more recently."

 

"Why didn't you go with her?" Jasper asked, his long, dark hair falling into his eyes as he turned his head to look at her. 

 

"I had university, I can't just go gallivanting around Europe."

 

Jasper chuckled and nodded. "Responsible."

 

Lexa let her eyes wander to Clarke for the first time since she and Jasper and perched themselves on the side the pool ten minutes ago, and the blonde was watching them both attentively from her lounger, her eyebrows raising questioningly when their eyes met. 

 

Lexa sighed, turning to jasper. "You wanna get out of here?"

 

"Isn't this your dads party?"

 

"Yeah, but I'm kind of feeling the beach right now. Why don't we head over to my house and grab a couple of Swegways and head to Long Beach." Lexa offered, standing up and holding her hand out to Jasper. "Whoever wipes out first buys dinner."

 

Jasper smiled, a genuine, non-flirtatious smile and that was nice. Lexa really needed a friend who wasn't half way across the world right now and Jasper seemed like he could be that. "You're on, Woods."

 

Lexa could feel Clarke's eyes on her as they left but she didn't turn around, she wouldn't give her the satisfaction. She also ignored the text messages the girl sent her. 

 

( _'You can't just leave your own fathers party, Lexa'_  


  
_'Especially with some random boy'_ )

 

Lexa didn't even bother explaining to Clarke that Jasper wasn't just 'some random boy' and threw her phone into the cup holder in her car, leaving it there even when they had reached Long Beach

 

Lexa won the bet because almost as soon as Jasper stepped on the board he was on his ass. Lexa laughed, stepping off her own board to help Jasper up. "I'm feeling like something expensive for dinner."

 

"I've never been on one of these before, I thought it would've been easier." Jasper grumbled, gripping onto Lexa's hand and pulling himself up. 

 

"Come on then, dork, I'll teach you."

 

Jasper seemed to be a fast learner and within ten minutes he was going, albeit slowly and carefully, beside Lexa. 

 

"There, you're getting it." Lexa encouraged, moving her board so she was rolling backwards in front of Jasper. 

 

The movement seemed to throw Jasper, though, because he barrelled forward, tackling Lexa to the floor. 

 

The air left Lexa's lungs when her back connected with the ground but it turned into a laugh when Jasper landed onto of her. "Smooth move there, Slick."

 

"You threw me off with all your fancy tricks." Jasper huffed, planting his hands on the ground either side of Lexa's head and pushed the upper half of his body off of her. "Are you okay?"

 

Lexa nodded, nodding her head in the direction of a man who had just snapped their picture. "I hope your dad isn't opposed a Jordan-slash-Woods relationship."

 

Jasper glanced back at the man before quickly hopping to his feet, offering Lexa his hand. "Shit, I'm sorry. I forgot you were kind of a big deal."

 

"I'm sure it won't come to anything." Lexa huffed, grabbing Jasper's hand and pulling herself up. 

 

Jasper was lovely, a real sweet guy and there was something jittery about him, something broken that Lexa immediately identified with. It made her wonder if there was any kid in her parents circle that wasn't completely fucked up. 

 

Both she and Octavia were on pills, Lincoln drank, Anya cried herself to sleep, Jasper shakes in crowded places and startles at loud noises, Monty Green had tried to kill himself and had been in and out of rehab twice, Bellamy, Octavia's older brother, had had countless breakdowns, and John Murphy were diagnosed sociopaths. 

 

Lexa wondered if there was something in the water. 

 

It turned out that that guy who had taking their picture the first time was a paparazzo and had decided to follow Lexa and Jasper around to the remainder of the day and, sure, that first photo could've been explained away as a accident but the photos of them laughing together, or them getting ice cream together, or them sitting in a high end restaurant together wasn't as easy to explain away. 

 

Their photos were plastered across magazines the following day. It was made out to be a big deal, the youngest, most troubled Woods and the son of the man who owned almost a half of the night clubs in Los Angeles (and even two casinos in Vegas). It peaked everyone's interest and Lexa had no idea why. 

 

The only reason she knew that it was all over magazines was because Octavia called her early the next day from Venice, holding up her phone to show Lexa the photo of her and Jasper lying on the floor. 

 

"When did this happen?" Octavia asked, swiping through the photos that had been taken of them, and Lexa groaned, her head falling into her hands. 

 

"It didn't. The first one was an accident and we had a bet so he owed me dinner."

 

"Shame," Octavia hummed, lowering her phone. "I'm sure you let dad would love for you to date the son of a up and coming business man ."

 

"He would just love me to date a boy," Lexa murmured, throwing the ball she had in her hand for Aurora to chase after. "I was going to call you today, actually."

 

"Everything ok?"

 

Octavia more than likely knew instantly there was something wrong but she probably put it down to the Jasper thing. 

 

"No."

 

"Do you need me to come home?" Octavia asked without any kind of hesitation and that made Lexa smile, a warm feeling spreading across her chest at her best friends concern. 

 

"No, it's fine." Lexa assured with a smile. 

 

"Then what's going on?"

 

"I think I might like someone,"

 

"Wow," Octavia blinked in mock surprise, a cheeky little grin appearing on her lips. "Someone is worthy of the great Lexa Woods' attention, hm? Who's the lucky girl?"

 

"Her name is doctor Clarke Griffin." Lexa answered solemnly. 

 

"Oh, so you met her at the hospital?" Octavia asked and Lexa shook her head. "Come on, Woody, give me some details."

 

"She has MD and went to Berkeley-"

 

"So does Jasper, I've heard." Octavia interrupted with a smug grin. 

 

Lexa frowned. "What?"

 

"A MD? A Massive Di-"

 

"O-kay," Lexa rushed out through a laugh, holding her hands up.

 

 

Octavia laughed, "What's she like?"

 

"She's a cardiothoracic surgeon. I've seen her all dressed up and dressed in lounging clothes and she is beautiful." Lexa muttered. 

 

"Why do you sound like you're giving a eulogy?"

 

"She's married, Oct, to my 'rent's new business partner."

 

Octavia blinked, in honest surprised this time, her mouth hanging open as she tried to formulate a response. 

 

"Dude, that's rough." She murmured. "Has anything happened with the two of you?"

 

"No, but it's there, you know? The air is just charged, I've never felt that with someone before." Lexa sighed, falling back onto her bed and setting her laptop on her stomach. "She's perfect, Octavia, and it's driving me nuts."

 

"Dude, you realise how dangerous this is, right? Your dad would fucking kill you just for being into a girl, never mind that girl being the wife of his business partner."

 

"I know, and I'm fucking terrified because I know what he would do."

 

"And she's worth it?" Octavia asked carefully. 

 

Lexa clenched her jaw a few times as she thought over that question. _was_ Clarke worth it? She wanted more than anything to say no, because she knew virtually nothing about her (OK, that was a lie she knows more than most people probably did but that still shouldn't be enough to want to risk everything for). 

 

"I'm not sure."

 

"Lexa, no." Octavia whined. "Why can't you just a find a nice, _unattached_ , girl to sneak around with. Like Monroe, you guys had a thing at Christmas for a little while, she pretty, completely into girls and, most important of all, _unattached_."

 

"Do you not think I know this, Octavia? I've _tried_ to just not think about her but she's _everywhere_. She's at every party, at every function, I even ran into her in a street in Milan."

 

"Jeez, I kinda wish I'd made the effort to come to the douche-nozzles party." Octavia commented, holding her phone up to the camera. "That her?"

 

Lexa peered at the photo, it was Clarke at some red carpet event, her hands on her hips and a confident smirk on her lips. 

 

"Yeah," Lexa sighed. 

 

"I get it, she has the whole blonde hair, blue eyes thing going on."

 

"That's not just it, though. If that was all it was it would be over it by now but she's different from all those other pretty girls. She has a personality that rivals her looks, and she's clever, she helped me finished my essay in Milan."

 

"You got it bad, Woody. You should fly out and meet me in Amsterdam, there are a lot of hot girls there, maybe they could take your mind offa Clarke."

 

"Compelling offer, really, but I have classes."

 

Octavia sighed and nodded. "You wish you could've came, dude, it would've been so much better with you here."

 

"Maybe next time." Lexa offered but they both know there wouldn't be a next time, not for Lexa, she would have left by then and definitely wouldn't have to money to travel around Europe. "Anyway, forget all that, have you met anyone in any of the exotic cities you've been in?"

 

"I met a girl in Paris,"

 

"And you didn't tell me?" Lexa gasped.

 

Octavia shrugged bashfully and Lexa was a little thrown by that because Octavia Blake did _not_ do bashful. "Her name was Raven Reyes, her family owns a huge chain of gun stores all across the world."

 

"What happened?"

 

"I was leaving, I asked her to come with me and she considered it but she had business to deal with in Paris." Octavia explained, "I've met a few people while I've been traveling but she was special. There was something different about her and I'm honestly considering heading back to Paris soon."

 

"If she was special you should,"

 

"I think I might, after Amsterdam." Octavia agreed and Lexa opened her mouth to agree but snapped it shut when movement behind Octavia caught her attention. A man -a completely nude man- walked across the background of the shot, yawning as he ran her fingers through his already mussed hair.  

 

Lexa gave Octavia a disbelieving look. "What? I said I met a girl I didn't say I was going to go abstinent."

 

"You realise he can hear you,"

 

"He doesn't speak English, it's cool." Octavia waved her hand dismissively. "I'm going to go, though, I have plans."

 

Lexa laughed throatily. "Yeah, I bet."

 

Octavia laughed but she sobered quickly, leaning in a little closer to her laptop. "I know this sucks and I hate having to say this to you but maybe you should play up on this whole Jasper thing, take the heat off of the gay situation with your dad."

 

"Yeah, I will talk to him."

 

"Ok. Don't hesitate to call me if you have to, Woody." 

 

"I will,"

 

"Good, now, let me get back to my extracurricular activities."

 

Lexa laughed a proper belly laugh, rolling her eyes at her best friend. "I hate you,"

 

"Yeah," Octavia hummed, grinning at the camera. "I hate you, too."

 

Lexa closed her laptop and moved over to her desk where she had books and sheets of paper scattered all over the surface, all of which pretty much covered in different coloured highlighters. 

 

It was ten minutes into her study session when her phone buzzed. It was Clarke and all the message was was a link. 

 

Lexa clicked on it, rolling her eyes when it directed her to a new article about her and Jasper. She decided if Clarke was going to be passive aggressive so was she. 

 

_'?'_

 

**'Is it true? Are you dating him?'**

_'I don't really see how that is any of ur business'_

 

**'Are you seriously mad that I kissed my husband?'**

 

_'Are u, a married woman, seriously mad that someone else is rumoured to be dating someone?'_

 

Clarke's reply to that didn't come as quickly as the last couple. 

**'That's not fair.'**

 

_'It is entirely fair. U have him and I have Jasper, it's done, whatever.'_

 

**'You aren't dating Jasper, kid, you said it yourself, you're gay.'**

 

Lexa sighed, considering just ignoring Clarke completely but she knew she wouldn't stop until Lexa replied. 

 

_'What do U want from me, Clarke?'_

 

  
**'Nothing'** Clarke's reply was cold but it was quickly followed up by a message that made Lexa's heart quiver in her chest. **'Everything. I don't know.'**  


 

_'I can't do this, Clarke. I don't know what my dad would do if he knew.'_

 

**'I know.'**

 

_'Then it has to stop. The looks, the touching, the texting, I can't risk it.'_

 

**'Is that what you want?'**

 

_'No but my dad would kill me and if u get a divorce on the grounds that uv been fucking you husband's partner's daughter then u don't get anything from him'_

 

**'Getting a bit ahead of yourself there, kid.'**

**'But I get it, I don't want to risk you getting hurt again.'**

 

Lexa sighed, her thumbs hovering over the screen as she considered what to say. It took her a good ten minutes to decide there was nothing she really could say and just locked her phone instead.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don’t know how regular the updates are going to be from now one since I have started back at college. I will try my best to find time to write : ).

 

 

They didn't text after that and didn't even see each other until three weeks later at another party in Jeff's mansion. Lexa at tried to get out of it because, as much as she hasn't spoken to Clarke she hadn't stopped thinking about her, she most certainly wasn’t over it and didn’t really want to spend her night trying not to look at Clarke..

Her dad had laid off her a little, though, since Jasper agree that them 'pretending to date' was a good idea (Jasper needed to prove something to his father, too) but he still forced her along to the party.

And it was going fine until Lexa had gone wandering, looking for a restroom  _again_ , and stumbled across Clarke and Jeff.

Jeff had her arm in a vice like grip, Lexa was more than sure it would bruise, and he was towering over Clarke, pointing in her face as he threatened in a hushed whisper.

"What have a I told you about questioning me?"

Clarke looked terrified and, honestly, there was no way Lexa could walk away. "Hey,"

Both of their heads whipped around to Lexa and Jeff's seem to relax when he realised it was her. "Get out of here, girl, this has nothing to do with you."

"Actually, sir, I think there's a commotion upstairs." Lexa lied, her eyes not leaving Clarke who was staring over at Lexa with wide eyes.

Jeff sighed, turning back to Clarke. "This isn't over." He said before releasing Clarke's arm and moving toward Lexa. " _Well_ , lead the way."

Lexa turned to lead him up the stairs, glancing quickly over her shoulder at Clarke who had moved to sit down on the Victorian style couch that was just behind her, her hands covering her mouth as she stared after Lexa.

Thankfully, when they got upstairs there was actually some kind of commotion, all Lexa know as the two guys who were yelled used to be partners, so while Jeff was occupied Lexa rushed back to where she had left Clarke.

The woman was still sitting in place, her face buried in her hands, a clear red mark on her upper arm, and she seemed completely preoccupied with whatever was going on in her head that she didn't hear Lexa make her way over to her.

She startled when Lexa tentatively touched her shoulder, jerking away from her hand like she was afraid Lexa was going to hurt her somehow.

"Easy, it's me." Lexa held up her hands, slowly sitting down on the couch beside Clarke. "Are you ok? What happened?"

"I'm fine," Clarke answered, almost robotically, looking smaller than Lexa had ever seen her. Lexa knew Clarke as this strong, powerful woman who carried herself was so much confidence that it was intimidated, that she would just captivate an entire room as she entered so seeing her like this, looking like Lexa probably did after her father had finished dealing her her punishments, was kind of scary.

"You didn't tell me he was hurting you."

"Why would I? You can't even help yourself, how could you help me?" Clarke snapped.

That was a low blow, and Lexa felt the words stab right into her gut. Instead of saying the snarky reply that was on the tip of her tongue Lexa stood up to leave but Clarke shot up after her, softly grabbed onto her wrist and spinning her back around.

She stared over at Lexa for a few seconds, her mouth hanging open like she wasn't sure if she wanted to apologise or just leave.

She done neither, instead her hands found their way onto Lexa's cheeks as she stepped right up against the younger girl, their fronts flush, and kissed her, taking Lexa's plump bottom lip in between her candy apple red ones.

Lexa's eyes fluttered closes as she softly gripped onto Clarke's hips, her lips pouting on reflex and her eyebrows furrowing as her brain tried to put together what was happening.

Clarke pulled back far to soon in Lexa's opinion but she didn't go far, her lips still ghosting against Lexa's as she released a shaky breath.

"No one has ever looked at me like you do." Clarke whispered, her eyes screwed shut as she leant her forehead against Lexa's. "And it drives me crazy sometimes."

"How do I look at you?"Lexa asked in a hoarse voice. 

"Like you don't want to stop. Like you could stare at me for hours and never get bored, like I'm the prettiest thing you've ever laid eyes on."

Lexa hummed, her eyes fluttering opened when Clarke pulled back a little. "Sounds about right. I don't want to stop, I could stare at you for hours and you are the prettiest thing I've ever laid eyes on."

Clarke looked like she wanted to cry in that moment but instead she sighed out 'goddammit' and kissed Lexa again, this time more forcefully, her fingers finding their way into Lexa's hair to pull the woman in closer.

Someone clearing their throat a few seconds later had them spring apart and, thankfully, Clarke seemed to recognise the woman standing at the bottom of the stairs wearing a pant suit and a smug little smirk.

"Raven," Clarke sounded both confused and relieved, rushing over to her friend and wrapping her up in a hug. Lexa stood there awkwardly, running her hand through her mussed hair. "I thought you were in France?"

"I was but it got boring being there alone so I came home." Raven explained as Clarke pulled away from her. "But that's not important right now, what's going on here?"

Lexa watched Clarke carefully as she glanced over her shoulder at her. She didn't know what she expected Clarke to say, maybe deny everything, tell her it wasn't what it looked like but she she didn't know what to think when Clarke told Raven they would talk about it later.

"A Woods?" Raven flashed Clarke an incredulous look and Lexa couldn't help but be a little offended.

"Excuse me?" Lexa snapped, kinking her eyebrow at Raven, daring her to say something else.

"She didn't mean it in a bad way." Clarke assured quickly, trying to defuse anything that maybe happen between the two women before it actually happened. "Like I said that first night, your family is infamous."

"Not to mention attractive, what is going on in that gene pool?"

Clarke laughed at the bashful look on Lexa's face, one that she tried to mask with an eye roll.

"Anyway, I was looking for you but I'm glad I found both of you, your friend is looking for you." Raven said, pointing over at Lexa.

"My friend?" Lexa frowned, she only really had one friend and she was pretty sure Octavia was somewhere in Europe right now, the last she had heard from her was yesterday morning and she was in Prague.

"Yeah. The pretty one with the dark hair and green eyes."

"Octavia? She's here,"

"She is, I was just talking to your sister and she came over."

Lexa couldn't stop the grin that appear on her lips, she hadn't seen Octavia face to face in over half a year.

Clarke stopped Lexa when she tried to rush passed her, using her thumb to remove the smear of lipstick on Lexa's lips.

Lexa's eyes fluttered at the contact, staring over at Clarke through hooded eyes as she smirked at her.

"We will talk, ok?"

Lexa nodded, headed toward the door but she whirled back around after only a few steps, planting a kiss on Clarke’s cheek before rushing off.

Octavia was standing by the bar with Jasper when she got upstairs and her dark red lips stretched into a wide smile at the sight of her best friend.

Lexa all but ran over to her, wrapping her arms tightly around Octavia's neck, pulling her into a tight hug.

"You look like shit, are you ok?" Octavia murmured against Lexa's ear and Lexa had to admire the fact she could tell just by a split second look at her that there was something wrong.

"I will tell you later," Lexa assured, taking a step away from Octavia. "God, look at you, all tanned and exotic. What are you doing here?"

"I met that girl again but she was coming home and I had kind of had enough of all the different languages. We came here together tonight."

"Oh, she's here?" Lexa asked, standing on her toes to peer around the room. "Where?"

"Over there," Octavia pointed over in the direction Lexa had come from, a little frown appearing when she noticed who Raven was with. "With your little friend."

"Oh." Lexa whispered, it finally dawning on her her Clarke's Raven and Octavia's Raven were the same person. "Small world."

Jasper slid up beside Lexa, his hand sliding along her lower back. "Why is your dad looking at you like that?"

Lexa glanced over her shoulder at her father to see him scowling over at them. "I don't know,"

Jasper seemed to get it, though, pressing a kiss against Lexa's temple which seemed to ease her fathers irrational anger.

Lexa leant against Jasper, raising her eyebrows at Octavia. "So, what is going on with you and Raven?"

"Well, we travelled back together and we spent most of the flight cuddled up on the same chair. She fell asleep on me and everything."  Octavia explained, a grin Lexa had never seen from her best friend appearing on her lips.

"Go dance with her," Lexa nudged her best friend who looked unsure but nodded anyway.

Octavia ended up staying with Lexa that night, she was still glowing form the night she had had with Raven (all they had done was dance but Lexa had never seen anyone but her make Octavia laugh and smile like Raven did).

Lexa didn't speak to Clarke again but she did text her asking her if she wanted to stop by the next day since her parents would be in New York.

"She kissed me," Lexa whispered as she and Octavia stretched out on her bed, Lexa's head comfortably resting on Octavia's stomach.

If Octavia was surprised by that she didn't show it. "What did you do?"

"I kissed her back."

"And is it a thing now?" Octavia asked, running her hand through Lexa's hair.

"I don't know." Lexa replied quietly, turning on her side to peer up at Octavia. "I think he's hurting her, O."

"What do you mean?"

"Went I found her down stairs earlier she looked scared and he was grabbing onto her arm. Then he told her that it wasn't over, that's what my dad says to me."

"Lexa, I know what you're thinking but there's nothing you can do."

"I can take her with me." Lexa whispered unsurely. "When I leave, she can come with me."

"And you think she will be down with that?" Octavia questioned. "Look, Lexa, as much as you don't wanna think about this she's a gold digger, she is with that guy for his money and you're probably just next on her list of rich people."

"No, that's not true, she knows that if it all comes out with us then I would get cut off."

"I just don't want you getting hurt because you expected this girl to drop everything and run off with you." Octavia sighed.

"I know. And I know she is with that guy for his money but it's different with us." Lexa said, rolling her eyes at her own words. "God, I sound like such a fucking idiot. She's going to fuck me over, isn't she?"

"I dunno. On paper, yeah, she is probably going to fuck you over but if it is like you're saying, if there is something there, then I don't know."

"I'm going to call her, make sure everything is ok." Lexa's rolled off of her bed but stopped when Octavia grabbed her arm.

"Just don't get your hopes up, ok?"

Lexa nodded, grabbing her phone from her bedside table and wandering over to the other side of the room. Not because she didn't want Octavia to know what she was saying but because she didn't do well talking on the phone in front of people. Aurora hopped up and took her place, lying all over Octavia.

**"Hello?"**

"Hey," Lexa breathed, a waved of relief washing over her at the fact Clarke has actually answered.

 **"Do you want me to be a cliché and say hey again?"**  Clarke jested after a few seconds of silence and Lexa huffed out a laugh.

"No."

 **"Is everything ok?"**  Clarke asked carefully and Lexa realised that that was the whole reason she had called.

"Yeah, that's actually the reason I called."

**"Are you worried about me?"**

Lexa groaned, perching herself up on her desk. "You know I am."

Everything went silent again and Lexa bit nervously at her finger nails, they hadn't spoken about the kiss and she was worried Clarke was going to tell her it was a mistake.

Lexa startled when one of Octavia’s socks smacked the wall beside her head, her eyes springing to Octavia who was looking at her with a somewhat threatening look. “Stop biting your nails.”

**"Thank you, for earlier. After how things went last month you didn't have to stop him."**

"Things didn't end badly, at least not bad enough for me to let him hurt you." Lexa gnawed on the skin of her thumb, rolling her eyes at Octavia’s glare. "He didn't hurt you again, did he? Like once you got home?"

**"No, he never came home, he's still out right now."**

"And when he does get home?"

Clarke sighed. **"He's never actually hit me, kid, he just gets a little rough."**

"That's how it starts, Clarke." Lexa murmured, resting her chin on her fist. "Are you still coming over tomorrow?"

 **"If he isn't home then definitely."**  Clarke assured.  **"I don't regret it, the kiss I mean."**

Lexa sighed quietly, "Yeah?"

**"Yeah. These past couple of months that I've known you have had me feeling things I never thought I would."**

"Yeah," Lexa grinned bashfully, flipping Octavia off when she smirked and wiggled her eyebrows at her. "Yeah, me too."

**"We will talk more tomorrow, ok? I don't really want to talk about it over the phone."**

"Mm, are you sure you just don't wanna kiss me again?"

 **"Well, kissing won't be the only thing if you play your cards right."**  The sultry tone to Clarke's voice made Lexa release an embarrassing little squeak that had Aurora and Octavia looking at her weird. Clarke laughed lowly, **"I will take that as you're ok with that. That bed of yours does look comfortable. And don't even get me started on that sex swing in the corner,"**

"That's not-" Lexa murmured, glancing up at Octavia to see the girl was watching her carefully. "That's not a sex swing."

**"Well, it will be once I'm done with it."**

"Ok," Lexa squeaked, her cheeks flaring up. "I have company, I can't do this right now."

**"Oh, is it him?"**

"No, it's Octavia." Lexa laughed. "Don't be jealous."

**"I'm not jealous,"**

"Yeah, ok." Lexa scoffed, sliding off her desk. "Text me if anything happens, please."

**"Sure, kid. Goodnight."**

"G'night, princess."

Lexa hung up the phone and fell onto the bed, releasing a little sigh as she settled beside Octavia.

"God, you got it bad, it's disgusting."

"Says you, I've never seen you act with anyone how you did with Raven today."

"She's special."

"Well, so is Clarke."

"It's nuts how they're best friends, isn't it? Like I didn't even know Raven knew Clarke until tonight."

"Yeah, that is weird." Lexa agreed, crawling over to Octavia, resting her cheek against her shoulder.

"When are you planning on leaving?" Octavia asked quietly, slinging one arm around Lexa, running her hand calmingly up and down her side.

"I'm not sure."

"Who knows?"

"Just you."

"Are you going to tell Lincoln and Anya?"

Lexa shook her head, stretching her hand across Octavia's stomach to pet Aurora. "No, I can't risk my dad thinking they knew."

"What if they want to come with you?"

"They won't. Anya has her job and Lincoln has his boyfriend."

"And me?"

Lexa tilted her head back to look at Octavia her hand moving from Aurora's head to Octavia's stomach. "You want to come with me?"

"Yeah," Octavia hummed, combing her hand through Lexa's hair. "I can't but I want to."

"I wouldn't expect you to drop everything just as long as we don't lose touch."

"Come on, Woody." Octavia laughed. "You think you can drop me like that? I will be flying over every weekend to see you, regardless of where you end up."

"Good," Lexa murmured, hiding her face against Octavia's neck.

"Do you know what you're doing for your birthday?"

"I think my parents are throwing a party at the beach house in Miami." Lexa sighed. "But it won't be about me it will be about showing everyone how much more we have than them."

"At least there are good memories at that beach house." Octavia grinned and Lexa hummed throatily.

"Yeah, that's true." Lexa agreed, thinking back to the summer they spent there when they were sixteen, a summer that had started off reasonably normal until they both realised that puberty had hit each of them pretty hard. It ended with them coming out to each other, sharing their first times together, and sleeping with each other for the last month of summer.

"That was a good summer,"

"I'm so glad things didn't get weird with us after that,"

"I'm just glad you didn't fall in love with me,"

Lexa laughed, "It was difficult but I knew I couldn't let that happen."

"I could make you feel better now? I learnt a few things in Europe I'm sure you'd like."

Lexa pulled her head out of Octavia's neck to look at her best friend, who was grinning down at her, her eyebrows raised almost challengingly.

Lexa bit down on her bottom lip as her eyes dropped to Octavia's lips. "Tempting, really because I know what the Europeans are like, but my parents are due home."

"Maybe I can teach you some other time, then." Octavia hummed on mock disappointment, gripping onto Lexa's cheeks with one hand and pressing their lips together for a few seconds before pulling back, hooking her arm back under her head.

"God, I wouldn't've invited you over if I knew you were going to come into me." Lexa teased, smiling when her best friend laughed wholeheartedly, resting her head against Octavia's shoulder.

"What can I say, there's something unequivocally sexy about a Woods."

"Yeah, and it's usually the money."

"No, it's the attitude. You guys have this whole 'fuck you, fuck the world' feel about you, that's sexy."

"Do I have to sleep on the floor to stop you from coming onto me?"

"Woody, I just spent seven months in Europe, sleeping with someone every other night, sometimes multiple people, sex is kind of the last thing I need."

"I hope you got yourself tested." Lexa whispered, trying to sound like she was teasing but Octavia could easily identify the caring tone in her voice.

"Yeah, I did. I'm good, not pregnant, either."

"Go you," Lexa deadpanned, holding her hand up for Octavia to hi-five her.

"Safe sex, bro." Octavia hi-fived Lexa and Lexa couldn't help but laugh.

"Not something I have to worry about."

"Mm, I suppose it's good that you'll never have to come home and tell your parents your pregnant."

Lexa scoffed, "Could you imagine?"

"I don't want to," Octavia murmured seriously.

"How long have you spent with Raven?"

"A week in Paris the first time, two days the second then about three days here." Octavia answered. "Why?"

"Do you think it's for real? The way you feel about her."

"I know she makes me feel different, like no one every has before." Octavia shrugged. "Whether that means it's for real or not, I don't know."

Lexa nodded against Octavia's shoulder, running her fingers down the bumps of Octavia's ribs.

"Why don't we all hang out tomorrow? You, me, Clarke and Raven."

"Do what?"

"Ice skating?" Octavia offered.

"We live in Los Angeles," Lexa deadpanned.

"Well, three out of the four of us own a jet, flying to Calgary wouldn't be much of a bother."

"You want to fly all the way to Canada to go ice skating?" Lexa asked incredulously.

"Well, yeah."

"Well, no." Lexa chuckled.

"Come on, we don't get a proper winter here. It's November, nothing beats going ice skating then cuddling up beside a fire with some orange hot chocolate."

"You are so Canadian." Lexa laughed.

"We could go up to my lake cabin, the lake will be frozen over at this point. It will be be beautiful there."

"Can it wait until the weekend?" Lexa asked, tilting her head back to look up at Octavia. "We can all still hang out tomorrow but my parents are going to Miami for the weekend to get the beach house ready for the party, it won't be a big deal if we go then."

"Ok," Octavia agreed. "I will say to Raven tomorrow and you can mention it to Clarke."

They went to sleep after that, Lexa curled up against Octavia’s side, Octavia’s arms wrapped securely around her and Aurora pressed against her back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m not really sure how I feel about this chapter. I cannot write smut but this is vaguely NSFW. Thank you for reading : )

 

 

When Lexa woke up she was in an empty house. Octavia had gone home, her parents were in New York, Anya was at work and God only knew were Lincoln was.

Usually she relished the quiet, the lack of people in the house meaning the chances of her turning the corner and being hit for something she probably didn't do was slim to none but right now, with the prospect of Clarke coming over looming over her, pressing down against her chest leaving her feeling like she was unable to breathe, she actually wished her parents were there as some kind of distraction.

She rolled out of bed, merely stirring the puppy lying on her other pillow, and walked on shaky legs to her bathroom. She pulled her medicine cabinet open, her fingers instantly circling around the two pill bottles there, swallowing one of each dry before bracing her hands on the cool porcelain of her sink, her fingers going white as she gripped tightly at it.  

It wasn't a big deal, Clarke had  _said_  she didn't regret the kiss. But, right now, Lexa wasn’t sure what she wanted Clarke to tell her. On one hand she wanted her to say that it was over because it was dumb to think it could be anything more than a fleeting kiss, Lexa didn't want to have an  _affair_. But, on the other hand, Lexa would be gutted if that's how this visit ended, she  _wanted_  Clarke, it was just her rotten luck that she met her under these circumstances.

Lexa smiled when she felt something brush up against her knee, opening her eyes to look down at Aurora who was staring up at her, her head tilted to the side curiously.

"Come on, let's get you fed and take you out to the back yard."

Aurora spin in place before running out of the bathroom, shuffling at Lexa's door as she waited for her to open it.

She scampered and skidded down the laminate flooring to get to the kitchen, sitting patiently at her food bowl when she go there.

Aurora wolfed her food within minutes, sparing Lexa a quick glance before rushing outside.

Lexa could feel the pills unwinding the anxiety and tension she was feeling as she stood outside with Aurora, her mind going that fuzzy way it always did when she was alone and she had just taken her pills.

Lexa startled when she felt arms slide around her waist, attempting to pull away from whoever it was but they held her tight. She only relaxed when Clarke whispered into her ear, "It's me, your maid let me in."

Lexa smiled, blinking a few times to shake herself out of the little daze she was in before turning to face Clarke.

"You ok?" Clarke asked, her eyes flickering around Lexa's face as she brought her hands up to move the hair out of the way, her fingers brushing against Lexa's temples. "You look stressed, did something happen?"

"No, no. I'm good."

"Tell your face that," Clarke joked and Lexa's lips broke into a smile, dropping her head to look at the sliver of space between them. "You sure nothing happened?"

"No, I was just a little afraid."

"Of what?" Clarke was frowning in concern when Lexa looked back up at her.

"Nothing." Lexa answered, more out of habit than anything else, but she sighed when Clarke arched her eyebrows at her, her fingertips trailing down the side of Lexa’s neck. "This, I suppose. Honestly? I'm not sure what I want you to say to me."

"What do you mean?" Clarke looked a little unsure as she took a step backwards.

Lexa's hands itched to reach out for her, to pull her closer and tell her that she didn't mean anything bad by it but she didn't.

"It would be easier for you to tell me that this was a mistake, that the kiss meant nothing to you and that you don't want this."

"Is that what you want me to say?"

"Would it be the truth?"

Clarke chuckled at that, dipping down to pick up the ball Aurora had just dropped between them and throwing it somewhere off to her right before stepping closer to Lexa, her hands sliding over her hips. "Not even a little bit," She whispered.

Lexa smiled at that, her hands finding their way to Clarke's cheeks.

"Can I kiss you?" Clarke breathed. "I figured I should ask instead of not giving you much of a choice like I did last night."

Lexa bobbed her head, readying herself for this kiss. She was prepared this time, at least prepared enough to kiss Clarke back properly, unlike yesterday, when her brain had only just caught up with what was happened before Clarke was pulling away from her.

This time it was Lexa to tore her lips away first, tilting her head down to put a little space between their lips.

"What?" Clarke whispered, gentle rubbing her nose against Lexa's, which was strangely calming.  

"I was also afraid this would happen,"

Clarke seemed to understand what she meant because she nodded, her knuckles finding their way to the underside of Lexa's chin, gently guiding her face up to look at her. "What are you more afraid of; that this will happen or that it won't?"

"That it won't," Lexa answered honestly because, God, as much as she was terrified that her father will find out, as much as she was terrified of the immense beating she would no doubt receive for this, the idea of not getting to kiss Clarke, not getting to  _see_  Clarke, was somehow worse.

"You're sure?" Clarke asked, her face suddenly serious as the fingers of her left hand curled around the back of her neck. "Because I don't want you to get hurt, Lex."

"If it isn't this he will find something else." Lexa admitted. "And if he is going to do it I would rather it be for something worthwhile instead of something I probably didn't even do."

Clarke looked somewhat distressed at that revelation, like she wanted to do  _something_  but didn't exactly know what. And Lexa didn't either, she didn't know what to do, if there was anything she could do, her siblings had been dealing with it longer than she had, surely if there was something to be done they would've done it by now.

"There's nothing you can do,"

"There  _has_  to be." Clarke stressed.

"There isn't, not right now."

"One day he is going to go too far," Clarke pointed out. "Get too anger."

Lexa tried to look away at those words but Clarke pressed her thumb against her jaw, dipping her head to maintain eye contact.

"I don't want to wake up and read that you're dead, Lexa."

There was a heaviness in Clarke's voice, a roughness, that had Lexa swallowing a lump in her throat. "It isn't that bad."

"Now. But it could get worse."

"It won't."

"How could you know that?"

"Because it's been happened for years, ok?" Lexa snapped. "He's methodical, he knows that he's doing. He-" Lexa's breath came out at a little whoosh, like someone had just punched her in the chest, knocking the wind out of her lungs and she immediately recognized that as one of the warning signs of a panic attack. "He wouldn't. He's not- he's not that stupid, I knows when to stop, where to do it so that people wont see."

"Ok," Clarke rushed out, her thumb gently stroking the skin on Lexa's jaw. She looked just as panicked as Lexa was feeling and, God, that really didn't fucking help. Clarke seemed to realise that she wasn't helping and quickly pulled Lexa closer, giving her an experimental peck on the lips, pulling back as if to gauge Lexa's reaction. When Lexa didn't really react at all, her breathing only getting heavier, becoming more erratic, she began planting lingering kiss after lingering kiss on Lexa's lips. It wasn't until a particularly long kiss that Lexa seemed to start to relax. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."

Lexa just shook her head, sliding her arms around Clarke's waist, her fingers fisting the back of Clarke's shirt as she buried her face in her shoulder.

"I just-" Clarke stalls for a second, her arms wrapping around Lexa's shoulders as she pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "I want to look after you."

Despite everything Lexa still felt a smile tug it's way into her lips. "You don't have too."

"But I  _want_  too."

Lexa's grin only widened as she pulled away. "We are going to Canada at the weekend, Octavia invited us to her lake cabin."

"Us? As in you and me."

Lexa bobbed her head. "And Raven. What'd you say?"

"Is it a romantic retreat to the romantic, snowy tundra of Canada?" Clarke grinned teasingly over at Lexa, gently rocking them from side to side.

"No, because the place is covering in trees so I wouldn't be a tundra." Lexa corrected, "But yes to everything else."

"Cuddled up with you in front of a fire? Using the cold as an excuse to touch you  _all_.  _The_.  _Time_?" Clarke's grin soften slightly, her hands moving to Lexa's neck, her fingers clasping together at the back. "Count me in,"

"What will you tell him?"

"You can say his name, you know? He isn't like Bloody Mary, he won't appear if you say his name." Clarke laughed when Lexa turned her lips up is disgust. "And I will just tell him I'm hanging out with Raven."

"Okay. Octavia wanted to hang out today, too. I think she wants to just watch a few movies."

"How about we go get a head start? And  _maybe_  we can reenact last night."

"You think you're smooth, don't you?" Lexa arched her eyebrows and Clarke nodded, a smug little grin on her lips. "Come on then."

Lexa started toward the house, whistling for Aurora to follow her.

They ended up in the cinema room, both of them curled up on one of the large beanbags while Jurassic World played and Aurora chewed happily on one of her toys.

Neither of them were paying much attention to the movie, both too wrapped up in each other to really care about dinosaurs. Clarke had just whispered something against Lexa's neck, biting down on the skin there when Octavia and Raven walked in.

"Should we just leave?" Octavia asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes," Lexa grumbled as Clarke said 'no' pulling her face out of Lexa's neck.

Octavia smirked at Lexa as she tugged Raven over to one of the free beanbags.

"Did Lexa ask you about coming to Canada with up?" Octavia asked, falling down onto the beanbag, closely followed by Raven, who sat herself half on top of Octavia.

"Octavia promised me ice skating and romance," Raven commented, "Neither of which I am particularly good at."

"I will teach you," Octavia said, waving her hand offhandedly at Raven. "So? Are you coming or is Lexa going to be third-wheeling?"

Lexa glared at Octavia, flipping the woman off when she just smiled smugly at her.

"No, I'm coming." Clarke assured, running her hand over Lexa's leg, giving her inner thigh a little squeeze. "And I can't ice skate either."

"I'll teach you, Octavia and I used to go up to the cabin every winter."

"And Lexa could easily have became a figure skater or an ice hockey player with how good she was." Octavia said, patting Raven's leg as she pointed over at Clarke. "Actually, she kicked my brothers ass at ice hockey multiple times."

"Why don't you play hockey?" Clarke asked, tilting her head back against Lexa’s shoulder to peer up at her.

"It's violent, I think there would be some occasions where I couldn't really deal with that."

Raven just hummed and Octavia nodded but Clarke's brows furrowed at that statement. Lexa gave her a simple smile and whispered, "It's fine," Before leaning down to kiss Clarke's lips for a few seconds.

"The plane will be ready to take us at four on Friday," Octavia informed Clarke and Lexa.

"I shouldn't have played Until Dawn," Lexa murmured.

"What's that?"

"It's a scary game, it is set in a snowy cabin." Lexa explained. "I mean, I would survive but you're a pretty blonde, they never do well in horror movies."

"What about those two?" Clarke nudged her head toward Octavia and Raven who were now completely ignoring Clarke and Lexa in favour of whispers things to each other. Things Lexa figured she probably didn't want to know. "Blondes don't do well but neither do the horny couple."

"Looks like I'm going to be the sole surviver," Lexa sighed dramatically, "God, it's so difficult being a badass."

Clarke nodded her head, a look of faux-sympathy appearing on her face. "But that also means that you will go to jail for our murders."

"Which would be unfair considering I didn't do it,"

"Or  _did_  you?" Clarke arched her eyebrows dramatically and Lexa gasped in mock shock.

"Plot twist."

Clarke grinned, letting her head fall against Lexa's shoulder, her eyes flickering to the previously forgotten movie.

Lexa ran her fingers up and down Clarke's spine as they watched the movie.

It took three movies for Raven and Octavia to finally give in to whatever it was they were whispering and quickly say their goodbyes.

"Honestly, they're like hormonal teenagers."

"Technically Octavia  _is_  a hormonal teenager," Lexa reasoned, letting her head fall back against the back of the beanbag. "What do you do for Christmas?"

"Nothing. I usually go wherever Jeff goes."

"You don't go home to you mom or anything?"

"Nah, my mom doesn't really speak to me anymore,"

Lexa frowned, letting her head roll to the side, her eyes moving from the screen to Clarke. "Why not?"

"She's ashamed of me, of what I've turned into." Clarke shrugged when her eyes met Lexa's. "I honestly can't say I blame her, before she got sick I had drive, I might've only been working at Disney but I  _wanted_  to make something of myself. I thought I was stronger than this."

"What do you mean?"

"I thought I was stronger, more sure of myself than becoming someones trophy wife." Clarke murmured, her fingertips drawing circles on Lexa's palm.

"Why are you still with him? If your mom is better then there’s no reason for you to be."

"From a young age I  _knew_  we were struggling. Sometimes my parents couldn't even afford to eat, I would have to go to school with old, torn clothes. I suppose I just liked not having to worry about making my paycheck stretch, to worry about where my next meal was coming from. I know that sounds stupid to you-"

"No, it doesn't. I get it. Well, I mean I don't  _get_  it, not the worrying about money stuff but I understand not wanted to let go of your new found security." Lexa assured, sliding her fingers through Clarke's and giving her hand a little squeeze. "But I don't think you are weak."

"I just-" Clarke sighed, pressing a kiss to Lexa's fabric covered shoulder. "After watching my parents fight and scream at each other, telling each other they hate each other. That made me believe that love was just something disney made up."

"You can't base your entire view on love on a single relationship."

"I'm not. Every couple I've ever known has either always fought, fucked around behind their partners backs, avoided each other or would constantly try to one up each other." Clarke argued, "If that's love I don't want it."

Lexa watched Clarke carefully, her eyebrows furrowed. She decided not to argue with Clarke on this,  _again_ , instead she leant a little closer, her nose brushing against the side of Clarke's.

"I think," Lexa started, watching Clarke's eyelashes flutter when her lips ghosted against her own. "Love is something rare, something not everyone finds but when they  _do_  they know it. I think love is meeting someone, getting to know them -what they're good at, their weaknesses, if they talk in their sleep or if they have any annoying habits- I think it is learning all of that and loving them not despite it all but because of it. I think it is looking at someone and feeling like you can't breath but that you could still do anything, be the best version of you there is. I think love is an untamable force that, when you try to control it, it destroys you."

Clarke stared up at Lexa with soft eyes as she spoke, a little smile appearing on her lips when she finished. "That would be cute if it were true."

"Maybe one day you will believe it," Lexa whispered, tilting her chin forward to kiss Clarke, snagging the blonde's top lip in between her own, pressing her body against her.

Clarke kissed her back immediately, her hands sliding into Lexa's hair, pulling back just long enough to ask Lexa when her parents would be back before diving back in.

"Uh, tonight." Lexa panted, gripping onto Clarke's shirt and attempted to pull her closer.

"And your siblings?"

"Working and fuck knows where Lincoln is." Lexa answered, allowing Clarke to pull her thighs over so that she was straddling the blonde, her hands pressing against Clarke's stomach as she stared down at her.

"Bedroom?"

Lexa was nodding at Clarke's question before it had even properly registered in her mind. "Yes. Yeah, bedroom."

Clarke shuffled forward on the beanbag, her hands landing on Lexa's ass to prevent her from falling forward, her head tilting up to peck Lexa on the lips before she moved to her neck.

"No visible marks." Lexa ordered, tilting her head to the side.

"Yes, ma'am." Clarke breathed, lifting Lexa up slightly only to flip them over, setting Lexa down on the beanbag.

Clarke kissing her slowly, languidly, her tongue slipping past Lexa's lips as she began unbuttoning her shirt.

Lexa seemed a little surprised when she pulled back and Clarke was topless, her mouth hanging open slightly and her chest heaving as she raked her eyes over Clarke torso, taking on the woman's toned stomach muscles and full breasts.

"Woah," Lexa breathed, her hands reaching out to softly touch Clarke's stomach. It wasn't like she hadn't  _seen_  it before, she  _had_  seen Clarke in a bikini, but this was different, at the party Clarke was parading around for everyone but this, right now, this was all for her. "You are so beautiful,"

Clarke was wearing a look of surprise when Lexa looked up at her and, God, that really fucking sucked. The idea that Clarke didn't  _know_  or wasn't told on a daily basis how beautiful she was just seemed wrong to Lexa.

"So," Lexa whispered as she sat up, kissing the column of Clarke's throated. "Fucking," She kissed Clarke's chin this time, watching Clarke through her eyelashes as she moved her lips to hover over Clarke's. "Beautiful." She punctuated her statement with a soft, reassuring kiss to Clarke's lips.

Clarke huffed out a breath, her hands clutching onto the open sides of Lexa's shirt. "You drive me crazy sometimes,"

"I think that's a good thing," Lexa grinned, arching up into Clarke's hands when they splayed out across her ribs, her thumb and forefinger bracketing her bare breasts. "It's good a feel a little crazy sometimes."

Clarke hummed, her nose pressing against Lexa's cheek as she kissed her, her hands skimming down the woman's sides until they reached the waistband of the sleep shorts, her fingers hooking under the fabrics. "Can I?" She breathed against Lexa's ear, snagging the lobe in between her teeth. A little gasp escaped Lexa's lips as she nodded, her hips arching up toward Clarke's hands. 

Clarke slowly slid Lexa's shorts down her legs, removing herself from in between them to get the fabric all the way off. She tossed them somewhere off to her left as she fell back in between Lexa's thighs, one hand landing on the beanbag beside Lexa's head and the other softly caressed her thigh as it hooked around her waist.

"This is ok, isn't it?" Clarke whispered, the tip of her nose touching Lexa's top lip. "Like, you've done this before?"

"Yeah, this isn't my first time."

Clarke nodded, the hand that was on Lexa's thigh slowly moving up over her hip and side until she reached her shoulder where she attempted to take Lexa's shirt off but Lexa quickly stopped her.

"What's wrong? Do you want me to stop?"

"No, Nothing, I just- I don't want my shirt off."

"Ok," Clarke agreed in a soft voice, pecking Lexa on the lips before moving a little further south, her lips dragging across the skin down the valley of Lexa's breasts and down her stomach, her fingers ghosting down Lexa's back and she think she got it then. Why Lexa didn't want to take her shirt off, she could  _feel_  the reasons, every last little bump and scar of Lexa's back. "But for the record you are beautiful, too," Clarke commented, looking up at Lexa's as she hooked the girls leg over her shoulder, almost smirking at the hooded, doe-eyed look Lexa had. "Scars and all."

Lexa looked like she wanted to say something but before she could Clarke pressed her mouth to the soft skin of her inner thigh, giving it a little playful nip before sucking the skin there, leaving a mark to match the ones she had left on Lexa's stomach and collarbone.

They never actually made it to the bedroom, and Lexa felt awful for defiling her and her sibling’s childhood movie room but that feeling quickly went away when Clarke kissed her temple and pulled her closer.

Lexa melted against her, her head pressed against Clarke's still heaving chest.

"Shame we never made it to your room," Clarke breathed quietly, like if she spoke to loud she would burst the little pre-sex bubble they were in. "I wanted to try out that sex swing."

"It's not a sex swing." Lexa argued halfheartedly.

"Are you  _sure_? I seen one just like it in one of those sex dungeons."

"You been to a sex dungeon?" Lexa raised her eyebrows, tilting her head back to look at Clarke.

"Yeah, with Raven."

"Ok, I don't wanna know."

"We didn't  _do_  anything," Clarke laughed, tentatively touching the skin on Lexa's back, testing the waters to see if Lexa's would tell her to stop. When she didn't Clarke splayed her fingers out, pressing her palm against Lexa's spine. "We were just in Amsterdam and Raven decided to drag Miller and I to something she  _thought_  was a quirky restaurant."

"Seriously?" Lexa chuckled, her hand laying flat against Clarke's chest.

"Mm," Clarke hummed. "Imagine our surprise when we seen all the chains and harnesses and all the different toys. I've never seen Miller blush like that, his face was like a fire truck."

"What did you do?"

"I wanted to leave but I was also kind of curious so we stayed for a little while."

"What time is it?" Lexa asked, pressing her ear against Clarke's chest.

Clarke felt around beside her for her jeans, digging her phone out of her pocket when she found them. "Seven,"

Lexa sighed, hiding her face against Clarke's neck. "My parents are due back soon,"

"Should I leave?" Clarke asked, pressing a kiss to Lexa's forehead.

"Sorry, I don't want to just kick you out, especially not after what we just done, but-"

"It's ok, I understand." Clarke assured, placing her hand on Lexa's neck and guiding her face up to look at her. "I'm not sure if I will be able to see you before Friday so will I come here and we can go to the airport together?"

"No, um, go to the airport with Raven." Lexa said. "Sometimes the paps hang around the airport, you know?"

"Yeah, I get it." Clarke pecked Lexa on the lips before bouncing off the beanbag, leaving Lexa to fall into the space she had previously occupied.

Lexa watched her as she pulled her bra on and threw her shirt over her head before bending down to pick up her underwear.

"What?" Clarke questioned, pulling Lexa's eyes from her legs up to her eyes. Clarke grinned at the almost astonished look on Lexa's face, like she couldn't believe that this was actually happening.

"I just- nothing." Lexa shrugged, buttoning up her shirt before getting off the beanbag, picking up her own underwear.

Lexa lead Clarke upstairs to the garage when they were both sufficiently dressed, stopping beside Clarke's car, a black Bentley Continental GTC with red trimming. "Nice car," Lexa commented with a little approving nod.

"Thanks," Clarke hummed, glancing around the garage as she leant back against the hood of the car. "Which one is yours?"

"The Porsche." Lexa nodded her head back toward the matte black Porsche.

"What model is it?"

"Nine-eighteen Spyder." Lexa answered, wrapping her arms around Clarke's neck, pushing herself against the blonde. "It was a christmas present. I wanted a Bentley, the Mulsanne model but I ended up with that."

Clarke gasped, her arms hanging loosely around Lexa's waist. "How scandalous,"

"Oh, bite me, blondie." Lexa huffed, planting a quick kiss on Clarke's lips. "Text me once you're home."

Clarke nodded slightly, leaning over to kiss Lexa a slow, lingering kiss, chasing after Lexa's lips when she started to pull away.

"Easy there, Tiger." Lexa said with a laugh when she finally managed to tear their lips apart, patting Clarke's shoulders. "You keep that up and I might just not let you leave."

"I wish I didn't have too." Clarke sighed, pecking Lexa on the lips before allowing Lexa to take a step back. "But I will see you Friday."

"Can't wait," Lexa grinned, ducking into her car to hit the remote in the sun visor, opening the door to the garage.

Lexa waited until Clarke's car disappear round the bend that lead to the gate into her property before closing the garage doors.

"And what have  _you_  been up to today?" Lincoln asked when she entered the kitchen, a grin that told Lexa her knew  _exactly_  what she had been doing.

"Dude, shut up."

Lincoln held up his hands in defense, stabbing his fork into the pieces of pasta on his plate. "Just be careful."

"I will be," Lexa assured, taking the fork out of Lincoln's hand and taking a bite of the pasta before handing it back to him. "I have homework to do."

"You want me to order pizza?"

"Yeah, go for it."

Lexa felt like she was on an all time high, not even her parents coming home seemed to dampen her mood.

It wasn't until she was sitting at the breakfast table the next morning that the same dark cloud that usually followed her around reappeared.

"I want to ask you something,"

Lexa looked up at her dad as he sat across from her, her mouth still hanging open and her spoon full of cereal midway to her mouth.

"Eat it or don't, Lexa."

Lexa quickly snapped her mouth closed and put her spoon back in her bowl, "What's up, dad?"

"You know Jeff and I have gone into business together, that means he will be spending a lot more time around us and, by extension, so will Clarke."

"Okay?" Cora question carefully, trying to gauge if her dad knew anything incriminating.

"I just wanted to make sure I could trust you. That night I saw you and Clarke, what was that?"

"Nothing, dad. She's married, I would never even entertain the idea of being with someone who is married." Lexa lied and her father eyed her suspiciously.

Lexa felt her heart rattle against her chest as she waited for her father to decide if he believed her or not and, finally, he nodded, satisfied with what she had said.

"Good, I would hate for this deal to go sour because  _you_  can't behave yourself." The venom in his voice when he said 'you' made Lexa physically flinch. "Now, your mother and I have a meeting but we will be back tonight for dinner, I expect you and your siblings to be there, understand? We haven't had a family dinner in a while."

_I wonder why_ , Lexa scowled to herself but she didn't dare say it aloud.

"I will call them on my way to class."

"You better, I'm holding you personally responsible if one of them doesn't show."

Lexa nodded, her eyes dropping to her cereal as her dad stood and left. When she heard the front door close she felt like she could breathe again and, God, this wasn't a healthy way to live your life.

Lexa pushed her bowl away from her, the twisting in her stomach making even the thought of eating anything unbearable.

After a few minutes of trying to calm her erratic heartbeat Lexa got up, grabbing her bag from the floor and her car keys from the table.

She tired to focus on the fact that she would be jetting off to Canada in five days, leaving this depressing house and her horrible parents behind for the weekend. She tried to use that to diminish her anxiety but then she would just be reminded of the fact that she still had to go through dinner tonight which, from past experience, didn't usually end well.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took a while but if is starting to get into exam season for me so I've had to do a lot of studying. I'm sorry for the wait : )

It didn't go well. It didn't end with anyone getting physically hurt, which was always a bonus, but Lexa and her siblings left the table with their egos and their feeling sufficiently bruised. 

 

Anya had had her ability as a surgeon ripped into ("How maybe people have died at your hands, Anya?").

 

Lincoln was called a disappointment on more than one occasion ("I don't know why you think you could carry on the business when you couldn't even finish college, Lincoln.").

 

And Lexa had her life choices torn apart. ("Who's going to love you when you don't have money, Lexa? Think about it.").

 

She did. For fucking hours that night. 

 

After six hours of just lying aimlessly staring at the ceiling she picked up her phone, ignoring the texts she had from Octavia and Jasper, and pulled up Clarke's number. 

 

**'You have really pretty eyes,'**

 

Lexa set her phone on her chest and scratched at Aurora's back. She only had to wait a few minutes before Clarke texted her back, which was strange considering it was almost two am.

 

_'Are you ok?'_

 

**'Yeah, I'm ok. I just wanted to tell you.'**

 

_'Well, thank you. So do you :). What're you doing?'_

 

**'Just lying in bed, I had a "family dinner" tonight. What about you?'**

 

_'Ah, ok and what happened? Nothing, just heaving to the living room to watch late night TV.'_

 

**'Nothing, no one got hurt. Is he there?'**

 

_'But? No, I have no idea where he is."_

 

**'But he made a point of tearing all of us down. Like, I don't understand why he has to do it, you know? I know he doesn't approve of what Anya and I want to do, how we want to not be apart of the business but that doesn't mean he had to attack what we want to do, does it? And he went after Lincoln, too, calling him a disappointment. I just don't understand what kind of enjoyment he gets out of it'**

 

Lexa sighed when she sent the message, turning onto her side and curling herself around Aurora who barely even stirred at the movement. 

 

_'Men like that, they were put down and hurt growing up so they do the same to other people. They get off on the power they didn't have before. But something you have to understand is that it's not your fault, or your siblings'. And as for the going after your decision to not go into the business he obviously doesn't like that you're planning to go out on your own. The fact that you won't be reliant on his money or his business means that he doesn't really have any power over you.'_ Lexa read over the message a couple before the speech bubble popped up again. _'Are they home? Can I come over?'_

 

**'No, they're home.'**

 

_'Will they be home all night?'_

 

**'I think they're home for the week'**

 

_'Then why don't you come over here?'_

 

**'Now? It's almost two,'**

 

_'No, not now. Tomorrow, after classes. I'm pretty sure Jeff is working late tomorrow with your parents so he wont be home'_

 

**'Yeah, ok. I will be over at about four."**

 

_'Okay, park your car just round the corner from the house, that way if Jeff does come home early your car isn't in the garage.'_

 

**'Ah, clever. Maybe you should start doing that when you come over here'**

 

_'If I did that I would take my twenty minutes to walk to my car,'_

 

Lexa rolled her eyes at that. 

 

**'Our property isn't THAT big'**

 

_'Oh, no, it really is. your property spans like half of California,'_

 

**'Ok, thats a vast over estimation'**

 

_'It feels like it does. Are you sure you're ok?'_

 

**'Yeah, I am now'**

 

_'What he said can't be easy to just take on the chin. it has to hurt, regardless of how long it has been going on'_

 

**'Do you want me to piss and moan? Talk about how much it hurts and how unsure of myself it makes me, how monumentally useless I feel and how scared it makes me that I might never get away from him. What's the point? It doesn't help anything'**

 

Lexa could feel herself getting worked up as she typed, the painful, crushing feeling in her chest and she really didn't want to talk about this. Not now, not ever.

 

Either Clarke sensed her panic through the message or she might have just been fed up with texting, too, because she was calling Lexa.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hey," Clarke breathed through the phone. _"I'm sorry,"_

 

"For what?"

 

_"For always bringing shit like this up, for saying dumb shit and getting you worked up. I'm_ sorry _but I just don't like that he's doing this to you."_ Clarke rushed out, her voice sounding rough and muffled, like Lexa had woke her. _"He's not just_ hurting _you, kid, he's fucking with your head, too."_

 

"It's fine,"

 

_"It's_ not _fine. You might be fine with it but it is most certainly_ not fine _."_ Clarke stressed. _"He is making you feel all of those things, useless, unsure of yourself,_ scared _, when there is no viable reason for you to feel like that, at least not the unsure and useless part. You are so fucking clever, Lex. I looked over some of the stuff you were doing while you were writing that paper, you are a straight A student, have been for most of your life."_

 

"How do you even know that?"

 

_"I_ may _have been talking to Octavia about you,"_

 

"Oh, you _may_  have?" Lexa laughed quietly. "What else did she tell you about me?"

 

_"Nothing, really. She did mention that you were a massive Taylor Swift fan, though."_

 

"Well, at least she didn't tell you anything embarrassing." Lexa reasoned. "Did I wake you?"

 

_"Yeah, but it's okay, I don't mind."_

 

"I was going to text Octavia but I kinda wanted to talk to you." Lexa admitted in a soft voice, a voice that apparently had Clarke chuckling bashfully.

 

_"Yeah?"_

 

"Yeah. I mean, I love Octavia but she is a firecracker, and if i was to call her about this she would fly off the handle. I wanted to calm down and whenever I talk to Octavia about stuff like this I end up wanting to fight someone." Lexa chuckled. "And your voice kind of calms me down."

 

_"Well, I am more than happy to supply my voice,"_ Lexa could hear the smile in Clarke's voice as she spoke and, despite everything, that made Lexa smile. But that smile disappeared with what Clarke said next. _"Your dad called me this morning."_

 

"He did? Why didn't you tell me?"

 

_"I thought you knew. He called to ask if Jeff and I were going to your party in Miami."_

 

"No, he, uh, he came into me this morning while I was eating breakfast and asked about us. He didn't know anything, he was just going off what he had seen the night we met."

 

_"What did he say?"_ Clarke asked. _"He didn't hurt you, did he?"_

 

"No. I was just sitting eating breakfast and he came in and asked if there was anything going on with us and when I said no he warned me that I had better behave myself." Lexa explained, trying to nonchalant about it but, apparently, she couldn't pull that off because Clarke sighed. 

 

_"Are you ok?"_

 

"Yeah," Lexa sighed. "I just don't want to live like this anymore, I don't want to be scared all the time."

 

_"Why didn't you call me after it happened?"_

 

"I didn't really think it was important."

 

_"Surely you must've wanted someone to talk to about it."_

 

"I suppose, but I'm used to not having anyone so my first instinct wasn't to talk about it." Lexa explained, turning onto her stomach and pressing her face against her pillow. "I mean I could talk to Octavia but, like I said, a little firecracker."

 

_"Well, now you have me."_

 

"Yeah," Lexa sighed wistfully. "Can you tell me a story?"

 

_"A story? About what?"_

 

"Anything. College, your childhood, I don't really care."

 

_"Okay,"_ Clarke hummed thoughtfully. Then she dived into a story about spring break in Cape Cod back in sophomore year of college, back before she had met Jeff, and how she and Raven had drunkenly joined a wet t-shirt contest, Raven coming first and Clarke coming seconds. ("I can't say I'm surprised, Raven has a much more toned body than I do." Clarke had said and Lexa had snorted in reply.)

 

Clarke spoke about the week like it was the greatest week of her life and Lexa noted just before she fell asleep that Clarke sounded much more happier back then. 

 

She woke up with a start the next morning, her alarm blaring against her ear and her phone vibrating against her cheek. 

 

Groaning, Lexa pushes herself to sit up, raking her hand through her hair before running them over her face. 

 

She perched herself on the edge of her bed and picked up her phone, pressing the home button and scrolling through the tumblr and Instagram notifications until she spotted the little green bubble with 'Griff' written next to it. A little grin appeared on her lips as she slid the message open. 

 

_'Nice to know I'm that interested :P I'm glad I could help and text me in the morning, ok? Sleep well xx'_

 

**'Sorry. Your voice must be so angelic that it put me to sleep ;) xx'**

 

Lexa threw her phone onto the bed, not expecting a reply from Clarke at this time in the morning, and went about her morning routine. She was fully dressed and had her tooth brush hanging out of her mouth when her phone pinged. 

 

It was a snapchat this time, of Clarke lying in bed, the covers pulled up to her chin and a grumpy, almost puppy like glare on her face. The caption read _'thanks for waking me. Again.'_

 

Lexa grinned and double tapped Clarke's name, snapping a photo of herself pouting, her lips covered in foamy tooth pasta and her tooth brush hanging out her mouth. **'Sorry :-/'**

 

Lexa headed back to the bathroom to finish brushing her teeth and wash her face. She throw on her jacket, slid her sun glasses on her nose and her bag onto her shoulder, and rushed out to her car (two little pills nestled in the pocket of her jacket for her to take when she is _out_ of the car) before she checked her phone again. Clarke had replied to her once she went back into her room. 

 

This time one of Clarke's eyebrows were kinked and even though her face was hid under her duvet she could tell she was grinning. _'What. A. Babe.'_

 

Lexa laughed, snapping a picture of herself now, her hair thrown messily over her shoulder and her glasses covering her sleep deprived eyes. _'_ **You're damn right, honey.'**

 

Clarke replied in the couple of minutes it took Lexa to sort herself out. 

 

Both of Clarke's eyebrows were raised this time. _'How did you go from super cute to super model in that short space of time?'_

 

Lexa tutted and rolled her eyes, snapping a photo of her 'whatever' face before typing. **'I'm driving to class now'.**

 

Her phone ringed before she is even completely out of the garage. She hits answer on the little screen in the dashboard. "Yes, Griff?" She asked, sitting up a little straighter to peer over the hood of the car, make sure she didn't hit any of her mothers plants (it had happened once before, that's were she got the scar just over her third rib). 

 

_"You do look really nice,"_ Clarke said in the most earnest voice Lexa had ever heard and it had her chuckling bashfully. 

 

"The lighting in my garage is just good."

 

Clarke makes a little pft noise. _"Okay, kid, whatever you say."_ She huffed. _"What classes do you have today?"_

 

"Adaptive physiology and evolution, both lectures. I should have a lab but I finished it." Lexa explained. "Also, I will have homework to do tonight."

 

_"Oh,"_ Clarke sounded disappointed at Lexa's words. _"So you aren't coming over?"_

 

"No, I am, I will just have to do homework while I'm over."

 

_"Oh, yeah that's cool."_ Clarke hummed. _"So, tell me what your classes today are about?"_

 

"Do you really wanna know?" Because Lexa knew some people were just polite when they asked that. 

 

_"I really wanna know,"_ Clarke assured. " _Tell me, please?"_

 

Lexa grinned and launched into an explanation of both classes, throwing on her own opinion here and there, and Clarke didn't interrupt. She would just hummed and agree and laugh whenever she felt it appropriate and that was _nice_. Lexa loved her siblings but she couldn't talk to them, they were either to busy, Lincoln was drunk and Anya wasn't a very good listener. And she had to be careful what she said to Octavia to avoid one of the girls out bursts. She _did_ tell Octavia everything, she just tended to get her drunk first to prevent an outburst.

 

"I have to go, I'm almost at class," Lexa said she she unplugged her phone and grabbed her back, trapping the device between her shoulder and ear as she tried to find her pass. 

 

_"Ok, I'll see you in a few hours."_

 

"Do you want anything to eat?" Lexa asked, pulling the door to the building opened and heading toward her class. "I'm going to stop in at subway on my way over."

 

_"Nah, I'm on a diet."_

 

Lexa frowned to herself for two reasons. One; why? And two; she honestly through subway _was_ healthy. 

 

"Oh, ok, cool." She said, sitting down at her seat. "You have a really, _really_ great body. Like, when I saw you that day at the pool party I felt my head go the way it does when I'm drunk or have just taken my pills. And you saw me the other night when you took your shirt off. Not to mention that ass, though."

 

Clarke laughed at that and Lexa grinned as she reached into her pocket, picking up the two pills between her thumb and forefinger. _"Thank you, Lexa. That's not_ why _I'm dieting but thank you."_

 

"I just thought you should know," Lexa sighed, putting on her best 'frat boy' voice as she said, "You gotta let a chick know when she's got a good bod, ya feel?"

 

Clarke laughed again and, God, Lexa could go a centuries only hearing that noise. 

 

_"Okay,_ dude _, whatever you say."_

 

Lexa laughed quietly, tapping the top of her own against the table. "I do really have to go, though, I'm in class."

 

_"Okay, have fun, kid."_

 

"Bye."

 

Lexa ended the call and set her phone on the table, discreetly swallowing the two pills she had in her hand. 

 

For the first time in Lexa's life she felt better before she took her pills as appose to the fuzzy, light feeling of nothing she got after. 

 

* * *

 

Class was interesting. Really, it was, and she loved every one of the classes she had, but she was just unable to concentrate. She had her chin resting on her knuckles and she stared at the teacher, nodded every so often but nothing was going in, she just wasn't retaining any of the information and it was entirely Clarke's fault. 

 

Well maybe it wasn't _entirely_  Clarke's fault, Lexa can't say she done much to stop herself from thinking about her, but she was going to blame Clarke. 

 

She parked her car where Clarke had told her to and headed up to the house. It was maybe a quarter the size of the one Lexa's parents owned and probably only a fraction of the cost. 

 

One of the maids let her in, direction Lexa up the stairs and into the second room on her right. When she got there she knocked, waiting for Clarke to call for her to come in. 

 

Clarke was sitting on her bed, her back pressed against the headboard and a book propped against her bent knees. She was chewing absentmindedly on her thumbnail as she read, her glasses perched on the bridge of her nose. 

 

She was dressed in a pair of pajama shorts and a Miami Dolphins jersey. Her hair was pulled messily out of her face and she was completely free of any kind of make up or products and, my god, did Lexa envy anyone who got to wake up to that. It took Clarke a few seconds to actually pull her eyes away from her book to address whoever had knocked on her door. 

 

"Oh, hey." The smile that stretched across Clarke's lips at the sight of Lexa had Lexa's stomach swooped like it would on a roller coaster. "I wasn't expecting you for another little while yet."

 

"Yeah, my class got let out early. Which I'm thankful for, I couldn't seem to concentrate."

 

"Are you ok?"

 

"Yeah, no, I'm fine. My pills just sometimes make me zone out, no big deal." And that wasn't a _total_ lie. For whatever reason when she hadn't gotten much sleep her pills seemed to hit her harder. Or maybe it just seemed like they did because she was to tired to force herself to focus. 

 

"That's kind of a big deal if you can concentrate in class." Clarke frowned, shuffling to the edge of her bed, motioning for Lexa to come closer. And she did, dropping her bag and half eaten subway onto the floor and strolling over to Clarke. 

 

Clarke hooked her fingers around the belt loops of Lexa's jeans when she was close enough, tugging Lexa in between her legs, her head tilted back to look up at the younger woman. 

 

"When do you have to start your homework?" Clarke asked, her hand sliding up Lexa's arm until her fingers curled around the back of the girls neck, gently guiding her head down. 

 

"I should probably start it now," Lexa whispered, not showing an kind of annoyance or resistance when Clarke pulled her into a kiss. 

 

"Shame," Clarke hummed against Lexa's lips, grinning when Lexa let out a little puff of breath. "'Cause I can think of something monumentally more fun to do."

 

"I really _really_ want to but the homework I have is starting to build up." Lexa sighed, every single cell in her body fighting against the few rational ones in her brain, telling her to just forget the backlog of homework she had to do because she had a really fucking pretty girl practically asking her to go to bed with her. 

 

"I could do you like homework. Really slowly and on my desk." 

 

A little noise akin to a whine mixed with a groan left Lexa's lips at those words, her forehead pressing a little harder against Clarke's as she fought the urge to kiss the blonde. "You're killing me, Griff."

 

"Come on, tell me you haven't spent most of the last few days thinking about Sunday."

 

She had. She hadn't stopped thinking about the smoldering look in Clarke's eyes or the little, broken noises that left her lips or the way she arched up into Lexa. And not to mention the hickies and scratch marks that served as a proud reminder.

 

"This homework is important."

 

Clarke tutted dramatically, releasing the hold she had on Lexa's neck and shuffling back to press her back against the headboard. "Fine, I suppose you can do your homework. God, you youths and your thirst for knowledge and wanting to better your lives."

 

Lexa grinned, reaching over to grab her bag before throwing it on to the foot on the bed and leaning over to kiss Clarke. "You look really nice, by the way."

 

"Yeah, sure," Clarke snores as Lexa setting on her stomach, her feet up at Clarke's hips and her school books out in front of her. "I haven't even showered or brushed my hair today."

 

"Which is what makes you looking as good as you do really unfair."

 

"You get to say stuff like that but when I try and get you into bed I'm the bad guy."

 

Lexa laughed quietly at that, settling down to do her homework and after about ten minutes Clarke picked up her book again, moving so that her head was resting on the dip in Lexa's spine. 

 

Lexa glanced over her shoulder at Clarke but when the girl didn't even acknowledge her she grinned to herself and turned back to her books. 

 

"This is oddly domestic, don't you think?" Clarke asked after an hour or so of silence. 

 

Lexa pulled her eyes away from her notebook, glancing back at Clarke. 

 

"Does that make you nervous?" She asked, pulling the cap of her highlighter off with her teeth and highlighting a strip of text. 

 

"No," Clarke turned, pressing her face against Lexa's spine. "It's actually kinda nice."

 

"Yeah, I'm sure sitting while I do homework is the pinnacle of your week." Lexa murmured sarcastically, her attention remaining fully on her homework. 

 

"I don't know about you but being able to just relax and lie in silence with someone while you both do your own thing really shows how comfortable I am with someone."

 

"So you aren't bored?" Lexa asked, peering over her shoulder at Clarke. 

 

"With you here? Of course not." Clarke assured, pushing herself up onto her elbows and leaning over to kiss Lexa. 

 

Lexa smiled against Clarke's lips, flipping her books closed and dropping them onto the floor before turning onto her side. 

 

"Are you finished your homework?" Clarke asked, pushing on Lexa's shoulder until the younger girl was on her back then she clambered over her, positioning her elbows either side of Lexa's head, her hands tangling in her dark hair. 

 

"I finished most of it, I can do the rest tonight." Lexa assured, pecking Clarke on her lips and let her head fall back against the mattress, her hands sliding around to rest on the bass of Clarke's back, her fingertips brushing the waistband of the blondes shorts. 

 

"I couldn't stop thinking about you yesterday," Clarke  hummed, pressing her nose against Lexa's jaw. "I was going to text you but I wasn't sure if you would want me to do that."

 

"Why would you think I wouldn't want you to?"

 

"I don't know,"

 

"What do you mean you don't know?" Lexa frowned, nudging her nose against Clarke's temple, signalling for the woman to look at her. "Have I ever gave you a reason to think I wouldn't want to talk to you?"

 

"No, of course not, quite the opposite, actually." Clarke assured, kissing Lexa's jaw. "I just don't want to risk texting you and having your mother or father see."

 

"They won't, I never leave my phone out where they can see. Plus, your name in my phone is 'Griff', I can just say that's a boy from my class." Lexa explained, as Clarke kissed her way along her jaw toward her lips. "I didn't stop thinking about you either."

 

Clarke grinned, her nose crinkling and her eyes wrinkling and the only thing going through Lexa's mind right now was 'God, you're cute'.

 

"Now, that's something I've never been called." Clarke chuckled and Lexa blushed when she realized she had said that out loud. "Hot, sexy, beautiful, sure but cute? Never."

 

"I don't know why," Lexa whispered, "You're pretty damn adorable."

 

"Do you want to watch TV? There is this show I've been wanting to watch for a while but I haven't really gotten around to it yet."

 

"You finally have me in bed and you want to watch TV?"

 

"It has pretty women in it," Clarke said in a sing-song voice, grinning when Lexa seemed to think it over.

 

"Fine, set it up."

 

They end up cuddled up at the top of Clarke's bed, Lexa's head resting on Clarke's chest as they both watched _Reign_ in silence and Clarke was right, it was full of pretty girls.

 

"You're the only one who sees me," The words came three episodes in and are so quiet that Lexa probably wouldn't have heard them if the TV wasn't currently silent.

 

"What do you mean?" Lexa whispered back, her eyes following the movement on TV while her fingers traced over the point of Clarke's hipbone.

 

"I was so used to being ignored until you came along."

 

"You're kidding, right?" Lexa laughed, tilting her head back to look up at Clarke. "You do realise that literally every man in the room will turn to look at you whenever you walk in. No one _ever_  ignores you,"

 

Clarke merely hummed, giving Lexa the idea that she wasn't talking about physically being ignored, her eyes moving back to the TV. "I suppose,"

 

"But that's not what you're talking about, is it?" Lexa frowned. "Like, sure people stare at you but you haven't really had someone there. Raven is always away, you said you and your mom don't speak and your husband is an asshole."

 

Clarke pulled her eyes to Lexa, her eyebrow quirking and a small, sad smile appearing on her lips. "You make my life sound like an after school special."

 

"That's what you mean, thought, isn't it?"

 

Clarke shrugged the shoulders. "It gets lonely,"

 

A sympathetic look appeared on Lexa's face and Clarke was about to tell Lexa that she didn't want her pity, that she was doing just _fine_  and everyone got lonely at one point or another but before she could Lexa slid her hand up to her neck, her fingers curling around the back. 

 

"Well, now you have me, right? That will help, right?"

 

Clarke smiled, a little puff of air escaping her nose as she planted a kiss on Lexa's forehead. "You shouldn't doubt yourself, kid."

 

"I'm not. I just- I mean I can be here, like physically _with_ you but that's not the same as having a connection with someone, you know?"

 

"You don't think we have a connection?" Clarke questioned, her head tilting to the left as her hand rubbed Lexa's back. 

 

"Well, yeah, I feel like we have a connection but I didn't know if you did."

 

"I think we have a pretty great connection," Clarke hummed. "I've actually never connected with someone like this before."

 

"So, I do help?" Lexa asked unsurely, her head falling against Clarke's shoulder as she peered up at her through her eyelashes. 

 

"You do," 

 

"Good. You deserve to be happy."

 

Clarke smiled at that, resting her forehead against the top of Lexa's head. "And that's something I wasn't until we met."

 

"Who would've thought an afternoon watching Reign would've resulted in a heart to heart." Lexa teased, nuzzling closer to Clarke, curling her hands around the blondes shirt as she looked back at the TV. 

 

"I'm just surprised you can take your eyes away from the main girl long enough to recognise that I am here." Clarke teased. 

 

"She has nice lips, ok?" Lexa argued halfheartedly. 

 

"You know who else has nice lips?" Clarke asked, feeling more than hearing Lexa's questioning hum. "You."

 

"Smooth, blondie." Lexa murmured disinterestedly. 

 

"God, am I going to be competing with this pretty girl with the lips for your attention?"

 

"You say that like I will ever meet her," Lexa laughed. 

 

"And if you _did_?"

 

A laugh rumbled in Lexa's chest as she tilting her head back, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "I didn't think you were the jealous type, doctor Griffin." She commented teasingly, grinning when Clarke's eyes darkened like they always would when Lexa would call her doctor. 

 

"I'm not jealous," Clarke replied gruffly, her eyes jumping down to Lexa's hand when it landed on her chest. 

 

"No," Lexa whispered, pulling Clarke's eyes back up to her. "You wouldn't have to worry. Not for her or anyone."

 

"Good," Clarke muttered just before Lexa kissed her, snagging the younger girls bottom lip in between her teeth, gently at first, but give it a harder little nip. "'Cause I don't share."

 

_I wish I could say same_ , is what Lexa wanted to say but she didn't want to ruin this moment so she pushed the snide remark aside and smiled instead. "That's not something you have to worry about."

 

Clarke smiled, pecking Lexa on the lips as giving her a little squeeze. "You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to this weekend." She commented, pressing her lips to Lexa's hair when she positioned her head back against her chest. 

 

"Me too, it will be nice to just relax, you know? Not have to worry about keeping up appearances or pleasing my parents. Just hot chocolate, ice skating, cosy fires," Lexa sighed, pressing her fingers into Clarke's side. "You."

 

"I can't wait to spend more than a few hours with you."

 

Lexa smiled against Clarke's chest and, honestly, she hadn't meant to fall asleep but one minute she was staring at the pretty girl on TV and the next she was waking up with a dry mouth and someone's fingers combing through her hair. 

 

She laid their for a few minutes, relishing in the comfort of Clarke -Her body heat, her arm securely around her waist, her hand in her hair- and registers that the show they had been watching had been replaced with a show about coyotes. 

 

"You know, they tip toe when they are trying to sneak up on their pray," She commented in a sleep broken voice. 

 

"No way?" Clarke whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

 

"Way," Lexa breathed in reply and the room fell silent again and Lexa figured Clarke was just giving her time to wake up because when she started to move around a little she spoke again. 

 

"Are you ok?"

 

"Yeah, I'm fine." Lexa yawned. "What time is it?"

 

"Twenty past eight, you should probably head out soon." Clark sighed, but her grip tightened on Lexa, obviously reluctant to let her go. 

 

"What time of he due back?"

 

"Within the next hour," 

 

"I'll get up and go then," Lexa attempted to push herself away from Clarke but the blonde didn't let her, only tightening her hold on Lexa. "You gotta let me go, Griff."

 

"Let yourself wake up first."

 

A laugh rumbled in Lexa's chest as she settled back against Clarke, her shoulders relaxing only to tense again when her phone started to ring. Groaning, Lexa felt around behind her for her phone. 

 

"Who is Abe?"

 

"Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln." Lexa explained as she hit the little green circle on her phone, grinning when Clarke laughed, muttering a little 'fuck you'. "Hello?"

 

_"Lex, where are you?"_

 

"I'm out. Why, what's wrong?"

 

_"Dads wondering where you are, he said you were due back hours ago."_

 

Now this was a new concept, her father actually noticing she was gone. 

 

"Tell him I'm at the library and I'll be home soon."

 

_"Where are you really?"_

 

Lexa sighed, "I'm at Clarke's."

 

_"Lexa,"_ Lincoln whined and Lexa completely understood why, her dad would kill her if he knew where she was. 

 

"I know," Lexa sighed, pushing herself up to sitting position. "I'll be home soon, I'm just about to leave."

 

_"Ok, just be careful when you come home, dads in a mood."_

 

"Isn't he always," Lexa muttered, "I'll see you soon."

 

"Is everything ok?" Clarke asked, watching Lexa as she shuffled toward the bottom of her bed to gather up her things. 

 

"Yeah," Lexa answered on instinct, stuffing her things into her bag and picking up her boots. 

 

"Lex," Clarke pushed when Lexa didn't even look at her, reaching out to grip onto Lexa's wrist, her chest tightening when Lexa's shoulders tensed. "Hey, what is it?"

 

"Lincoln said my dads in a mood, I really don't wanna go home." Lexa sighed, leaning back against Clarke when she wrapped her arms around her waist from behind. 

 

"Text me when you are home, ok? Let me know if anything happens." Clarke spoke against the side of Lexa's head. 

 

"It won't, he won't hurt me, I haven't done anything wrong, but when he is in a mood everyone is." Lexa breathed, turning in Clarke's arms and pressing a lingering kiss to Clarke's lips. "Don't look so worried."

 

"Can you really blame me?" Clarke worried her bottom lip as Lexa stepped back, keeping ahold of her hand until she was out of reach, her hand falling to her side with a soft slap noise. 

 

"He's not going to hurt me," Lexa argued softly, glancing up at Clarke as she pulled on her boots and offering her a reassuring little smile.

 

"How do you know that? You said he was in a mood."

 

"He is but he never hurts us unless we deserved it,"

 

"Hey," Clarke sighed, reaching down to take ahold of Lexa's shoulders, straightening her up and waiting until she was looking at her before speaking again. "What he does is _never_ ok. Regardless of what you do you don't deserve that, just remember that. It is _never_ your fault."

 

"I really have to get going."

 

"Lex," Clarke said, a hint of desperation in her tone as she watched Lexa sling her bag over her shoulder and pocket her phone. "You believe that, don't you? You believe that this isn't your fault."

 

Lexa glanced at Clarke over her shoulder and eyed her for a few seconds before nodding. "Yeah,"

 

Clarke didn't seem to buy the blatant lie, shaking her head lightly and opening her mouth to say something. Something Lexa knew she didn't want to hear so she butted in before Clarke could speak.

 

"I really have to go," Clarke looked like she wanted to argue but decided against it, nodding her head solemnly. Lexa gave her a tightlipped smile, pecking Clarke quickly on the lips. "I will see you soon."

 

"Don't forget to text me," Clarke called as Lexa rushed out of the room.

 

Thankfully, when she got home her dad seemed to have either calmed down a little or just wasn't as angry as Lincoln had made out because he completely ignored her when she came home. She had spend the entire ride preparing herself to be yelled at and to be emotionally torn apart so when her father merely glanced over at her before returning his eyes to his laptop she felt the huge weight she hadn't even noticed had been pressing down on her chest lift slightly. 

 

And it scared her a little, the fact that she hadn't noticed, that meant it was there far to often, constantly squeezing her lungs to the point she didn't even notice anymore.

 

She really couldn't live like this much longer.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's been a while but I've had four exams and I'm applying for university and I also bought fallout so I've been pretty busy :P Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

They didn't see each other again for a couple of days but they did text and call each other, almost continuously throughout the days, save for when Lexa was in classes. 

 

She hang out with Jasper the Thursday night, mainly because Octavia was with Raven and Clarke couldn't come over with her parents home. She was glad she did, though, it was easy to just sit with Jasper and watch superhero movies, no worries of being caught, of getting the beating of a life time. It was much easier. 

 

"Are you really willing to risk the repercussions of what would happen if you got caught for someone you've know for like a month and a half?" Jasper asked, catching the jelly bean Lexa threw at him in his mouth, grinning smugly as he chewed on it. "Like, wouldn't it be easier to just end it now and save potential heart break in the future?"

 

"Have you ever met someone and it's just- it's like within the first few minutes of meeting them you know that person is going to be important to you? There is just this undeniable connection and just something about the way they look at you makes you feel safe, like, no matter how shit things are, maybe they it could all be ok. Eventually. And when you're around them there's this pull, like it's wrong for you both to be in the same place at the same time and not take that opportunity to be close to one and other." Lexa practically gushed, fishing around in her bag for a white jelly bean before lifting her eyes to Jasper, who looked a little awestruck (and a little bit like he might cry). "Have you ever felt that?"

 

Jasper shook his head slowly, "No, I've never had that."

 

"I dunno, maybe I'm just latching onto someone who actually treats me like a human being for once." Lexa shrugged bashfully. "You're right, I probably am being stupid, risking it to be with someone I barely even know."

 

"No, I mean- I've never heard anyone talk about someone like that, and if that's how you really feel then maybe it is worth it." Jasper shrugged and that was nice. Lexa was so used to everyone telling her that this was a bad idea (which it was, she knew that), it was nice to have someone on her side. "And if it does end badly at least you had that time of happiness with her, you know? Life would be shit if you followed the rules all the times."

 

Lexa grinned at that, a sudden feeling of warmth washing over her chest. Why? She wasn't sure but she really couldn't be bothered overthinking it so instead she hit play on the movie and settled into her bean bag. 

 

She had be dubious about Jasper to start off with, every man she had even know, save her brother, had been a piece of shit. She figured that was just their default setting but Jasper proved that wasn't true. 

 

She was glad they had became friends, she needed someone who didn't know what was really going on, someone who didn't look at her with pity and wouldn't give her advice based on what her dad would do to her. 

 

Jasper kissed her cheek as he left, more for her dad then anything else, and whispered for her to text him later.

 

She agreed and watched him leave before turning around to head back to her room. She glanced at her father to see him doing something she hadn't see in years; he _smiled at her_ , a proper smile, not one he would give her when she was in trouble. And that should fill her with warmth, with pride that her father might actually be proud of her for the first time in her life. 

 

It didn't. 

 

If anything it filled her with even more hatred. He was smiling and acting proud of her for something that wasn't even real, something she had to pretend was real because if she actually told the truth about who she was she would probably end up getting it beaten out of her or she would be sent to some kind of camp. 

 

She knew it was wrong to hate someone who you got half of your genetic make up from, she should love them regardless of what they put her through, but no matter how much she searched within herself she couldn't find a shred of love for her father and a minimal amount of love for her mother. 

 

She felt like the worst kind of person. 

 

She leant her forearms against the railing of her balcony as she pulled up her messages to Clarke. 

 

_'Does it make me a bad person if I can't force myself to love my dad?'_

 

Lexa leant her forehead against her arms, her phone clutched tightly in her hand, so tightly she was afraid her might either break her phone or break her hand. 

 

Clarke texted back a second later with a simple answer that was surprisingly more comforting than any large paragraph Clarke could write. 

 

**'No.'** She replied then the little speech bubble appeared again. **'You don't have to love someone who treats you like that, it doesn't matter who they are.'** Then the speech bubble appeared again. This was something Lexa had become used to, Clarke's multiple texting so she knew to wait. **'Why? What happened?'**

 

_'My dad looked proud of me after Jasper left. He smiled at me for the first time in forever and all I could think was how much I hated him'_

 

**'It is entirely justified, you shouldn't feel bad about hating someone who treats you how he does.'**

 

_'I suppose. What're you up to?'_

 

**'I'm out for dinner. Jeff said he wanted to take me out before I go away with Raven for the weekend. I don't see why he hasn't even looked at me since we sat down'**

 

Lexa tutted at that. 

 

_'Is he going blind in his old age? If I was there I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes off of you'_

 

**'That is one of many reasons that I wish it was you across the table from me right now.'** Lexa grinned at that, poising her thumbs over her keyboard to reply but stopped when the speech bubble appeared again. **'Then again I would rather be with you right now, that way I could kiss and touch you. Why would I want to be in an overly expensive restaurant with the smaller excuse for food I've ever seen when I could have you pinned against the mattress. Have you whimpering and moaning my name'**

 

Lexa swallowed thickly as she read the message, blinking a few times before she could even imagine replying. 

 

_'Yeah? We must be remembering it differently. I'm pretty sure YOU were the one whimpering and moaning my name. And what I would do to hear THAT again. It's almost addictive, hearing the way you breathed my name, I've never heard it said so sweetly before'_

 

**'We must be remembering it differently. I can't wait 'til this weekend, I can prove to you that my recollection is the correct one. Over and over and over again ;)'**

 

"Lexa?" 

 

Lexa startled, almost dropping her phone over her balcony as she wheeled around to look at her father. "Hum?" She squeaked, sliding her phone into her back pocket. 

 

"Your mother and I are going out for dinner, do you want to come along?"

 

Lexa felt the back of her eyes throb as she tried to stop herself from exploding. Never, ever had she been asked to go for dinner with them but now she wasn't gay, now she was dating a guy, that seemed to change anything. "No. Thank you. I have homework to finish."

 

"Ok, would you like us to bring you back a doggy bag?" 

 

Lexa bobbed her head. "Sure, thank you."

 

Her dad gave her a curt nod and left again, allowing Lexa to release the breath that just wouldn't seem to leave in her fathers presence. She leant back against the balcony, running her hands over her face and up into her hair, pushing it out of her eyes. 

 

She jumped when her phone buzzed against her thigh, sliding it out to her pocket she noticed that Clarke had texted her again, her previous text having been sent eleven minutes ago. 

 

**'To much?'**

 

_'No, sorry, my dad just came in'_

 

**'What did he want?'**

 

_'To ask me out to dinner... He's acting weird. Nice'_

 

**'Are they going out for dinner?'**

 

_'Yeah'_

 

**'So I can come over for an hour?'**

 

Lexa frowned at the message. 

 

_'Now?'_

 

**'Yeah'**

 

_'What about him?'_

 

**'I'll find an excuse to leave if you tell me it's ok to come and see you.'**

 

Lexa smiled, moving to sit on her basket seat, tucking her legs against chest. 

 

_'Yeah, you can come over for a little while'_

 

**'Ok, I'll be there soon'**

 

Soon turned out to be less than half an hour, which took Lexa completely by surprise, she expected Clarke to take at least an hour. 

 

"That was quick," Lexa commented as she opened her room door for Clarke. 

 

Lexa squeaked in surprise when she turned to Clarke and she was being pulled by hands on her cheeks into a kiss that had her knees wobbling and her head spinning. 

 

She walked on shaky legs when Clarke began guiding her backwards, a little groan escaping her lips when Clarke pushed her up against her door. Lexa gripped onto Clarke forearms, arching off the door and into Clarke. 

 

"What was that for?" Lexa panted when Clarke pulled back, her nose pressing against Lexa's cheek as she tried to catch her breath. 

 

"I just- I've been thinking about doing this since I left the other day." Clarke admitted, her eyes fluttering closed when Lexa's breath, that came out as a little huff, washed across her face. 

 

"You can't stay for long, they only went out for dinner, they will be back within the next couple of hours." Lexa breathed, her head falling back against the door with a little thump. 

 

"And we don't want to get caught." 

 

"Nuhuh," Lexa rolled her head from side to side, staring at Clarke through hooded eyes, a slow grin stretching across her lips when Clarke stared at her like she wanted to get down on her knees, hike Lexa's legs up over her shoulder and go to work until Lexa was quivering and moaning her name. 

 

She didn't, she knew that was to risky. This wasn't like when Lexa's parents were in another state or on another continent, they could come home at any moment. 

 

"If you don't want to get caught you have to stop looking at me like that."

 

Lexa's sharp grin slackened into a loose smirk (a smirk that Lexa knew drove Clarke crazy), her eyebrow raising questioningly. "Like what?"

 

Clarke traced Lexa's bottom lip with the pad of her thumb, following the way the plump flash pulled under Clarke's thumb. "You know like what." Clarke said in a mock warning tone, "And if you want me to leave before your parents get back then you have to stop."

 

"We have half an hour," Lexa slid her hands down Clarke's flanks and round her hips to her ass. "What do you say to a little on top of the covers make out session? Groping is permitted, under the shirt but over the bra, of course, I ain't no hussy."

 

Clarke laughed at the southern accent Lexa put on, gently tugging on Lexa's shirt, pulling me her closer. "You think you're cute, hm?"

 

"I don't think I'm cute," Lexa grinned, pushing herself off the door and guiding them back until the back of Clarke's knees hit the edge of her bed. Clarke fell back, bouncing slightly on the mattress. "But you do," Lexa quirked her eyebrow as she knelt on her bed, straddling Clarke's hips, running her hands up Clarke's stomach, over the smooth red fabric of the curve hugging dress Clarke was wearing. "You look outstanding, by the way."

 

Clarke smiled softly, pushing herself up onto one elbow and reached up to curl her fingers around the back of Lexa's neck. "You're the first person to say that to me all evening."

 

"That's ridiculous," Lexa whispered, her hands finding their way to Clarke's cheeks as she kissed her slowly. "You are so," she pressed a to the bridge of Clarke's nose. "Fucking," this time she kissed Clarke's forehead, lingering this for a second before whispering against the skin, "Beautiful."

 

Clarke's eyes were closed when Lexa pulled back, her lips curled into a content little smile. 

 

"And he might not tell you that often but that doesn't mean it's not true." Lexa commented and Clarke opened her eyes to peer up at her. "I'll tell you every day of I need to."

 

Clarke blinked up at Lexa a few times before flipping them over, her hands linking with Lexa's as she pinned the younger woman against the bed. "We hardly have any time and you want to spend it talking?"

 

Lexa wanted to argue, tell her that it wasn't just talking and she really wanted Clarke to understand how Lexa seen her, how beautiful she was, but then Clarke was kissing her hard and doing that thing with her tongue that almost had Lexa's toes curling. And, if Lexa still had any thoughts of arguing they were well and truly scrubbed when Clarke slid her hand under her shirt, her fingers pressing against her ribs. 

 

It went like that for five minutes, Clarke teasingly touching the edge of Lexa's bra, only to pull away a few seconds later, smirking at the annoyed little mewl Lexa would give whenever she moved away. It was just before she actually made a move to cup Lexa's breast when the door burst opened. 

 

Clarke shot up right and Lexa quickly scrambled onto her elbows to see who was at the door, a little huff of relief escaping her lips when she saw Anya. "Anya,"

 

Anya looked between Clarke and Lexa in surprise, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to formulate a sentence. After taking a few seconds to collect herself she settled her hard eyes on Lexa's. "Really, Lexa? You're _really_ doing this?"

 

"Anya, not now." Lexa groaned, falling back against the bed. 

 

"Yes, now. Are you kidding me?"

 

"I'll leave," Clarke murmured sheepishly, attempting to get up but Lexa stopped her. 

 

"No, don't."

 

"Yes, do." Anya ordered. "And you should know better, she's just a kid!"

 

"She's twenty in two weeks," Clarke pointed out. 

 

"And Clarke is only twenty five,"

 

"Still. Leave, I need to talk to my sister."

 

Neither Lexa nor Clarke argued this time, Clarke sparing Lexa a little glance before leaving. 

 

"Are you fucking serious?" Anya snapped, slamming Lexa's bedroom door closed, making Lexa flinch. 

 

"You're being a hypocrite," Lexa said cautiously. "You had a secret girlfriend for over a year in college."

 

"But not dads business partners _wife_ , Lexa. God, it's like you want dad to hit you." Anya groaned and Lexa blinked in surprise at that. 

 

"Yes, Anya, I wake up daily and make it my mission to get the shit beat out of me by that asshole." Lexa growled back as she got off the bed. "I'm not going to pass up on something that could make me happy because I'm afraid of what he'll do."

 

"This isn't just about _you_ ," Anya all but yelled, jabbing her finger at Lexa and Lexa fucking hated herself for flinching away. "This will ruin a marriage, a business deal, dad won't just hit you he will disown you and I can't even imagine the mood you will put him in for the rest of us. You are being so incredible selfish because, what? You think that gold digger could make you happy?" Anya was looking at her like she was crazy. "If you want to be happy go traveling or something."

 

"I didn't expect you to understand."

 

"Good, because I don't."

 

"But I'm not going to stop seeing her." Lexa said quietly. 

 

"Fine," Anya threw her hands up. "It's your bed, you can lie in it with whoever you wish."

 

"You won't tell dad?" Lexa questioned when Anya made her way toward the door. 

 

"No, I won't tell dad. But not for your sake, for everyone else's. God can only imagine the mood he will be in when -and it's when not if- he finds out."

 

Lexa flinched again when her bedroom door rattled shut, hearing the faint sound of Lincoln yelling about what all the noise was. She hadn't noticed until that moment how my Anya _looked_ like their father. Not acted, never acted, no matter how angry Anya was Lexa knew she would never hurt her but when she was angry? She looked exactly like him. 

 

Lexa lifted her eyes to her door when there was a little whine and light scratching on the wood. Lexa got off the bed and opened the door, waiting for Aurora to trot on before closing it again. 

 

The puppy curled up beside Lexa when she laid down on the bed, resting her chin on the woman's neck. It was oddly comforting, if a little smothering. 

 

Lexa felt around on her bed for her phone, pulling up Clarke's number when she found it. 

 

_'It's fine x'_

 

Clarke was driving so Lexa wasn't expecting a response for another half an hour so she settled back against her sheets, scratching at the scruff of Aurora's neck. 

 

**'It's not x'** was what Clarke replied almost an hour later. 

 

_'No, but she's not going to tell my dad so that's something'_

 

**'I suppose. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have came over'**

 

_'No, this isn't your fault. Beside, Anya should've knocked.'_

 

**'What did she say to you?'**

 

_'Just a lecture about how if this goes bad dad would freak'_

 

**'And it's worth it?'**

 

_'100%'_ Lexa replied before typing out, _'you really did look amazing in that dress, Clarke'_

 

' **Thank you, I don't really know why I get dressed up for him anymore.'**

 

_'Don't get dressed up for him, he obviously doesn't appreciate a good thing, even when it wears a low slung dress'_

 

**'Did YOU appreciate it?'**

 

_'More than you know,'_

 

**'Then that's fine, the dress did its job ;) I'm glad I seen you today, even if it was brief'**

 

Lexa smiled, pressing her face into Aurora's neck, drawing a little huff from the animal. 

 

_'Yeah, I'm glad I seen you, too'_

 

* * *

 

 Clarke headed to the airport with Raven the next afternoon and Octavia picked Lexa up from university with her bags and Aurora already in the back seat of her car. 

 

"Why did Anya tell me to have a talk with you?" Octavia asked as they walked across the tarmac toward the waiting jet, Aurora bouncing along in front of them. 

 

"She walked in on Clarke and I yesterday," Lexa answered, shaking her head when Octavia flashed her a half amused half shocked look. "We weren't having sex or anything, just making out but she freaked out. She is surprisingly scary when she's angry."

 

Octavia's playful grin morphed into a concerned, questioning frown. 

 

"No. No, she never- she's not _him_ she would never hurt me, she's just trying to look out for me."

 

"I think she wants me to ask if Clarke is worth it." Octavia commented, peering over at Lexa. "Is she?"

 

Lexa pulled at a piece of skin on her lip, gently shoving Aurora's head as she playfully bounced beside her. "If she wasn't I wouldn't be here right now."

 

Octavia nodded, "As long as you know what the repercussions are and you think she's worth that then I'm here for you."

 

"Yeah, I know. You don't have to remind me,"

 

Octavia shrugged, bumping her hip against Lexa's. "Sometimes I just feel like you forget." Octavia hooked her arm around Lexa's neck as they climbed the stairs into the jet. 

 

Clarke and Raven were already waiting for them, Raven sprawled out on the of the sofas while Clarke was sitting on one of the chairs. 

 

Octavia broke away from Lexa and made her way toward Raven, who grinned up at her. 

 

Lexa's eyes moved to Clarke who had her legs tucked under her, her eyes rooted on Lexa as she chewed on her lip. She was dressed in a pair of grey sweats and  a blue hoodie with 'university of Berkeley' written in yellow letters. She was wearing make-up, she would've had to, she was with Raven and she was married to one of the richest men in America, there was bound to be people taking her photo. 

 

"You look great," Lexa complimented and Clarke reached out to pull her onto her lap. 

 

"Oh, the homeless look really does it for you, hm?"

 

"On you?" Lexa clasped her fingers behind Clarke's neck, pressing the tip of her nose against the blonde's. "Everything looks good."

 

"Mm," Clarke hummed, kissing Lexa's cheek before whispering in her ear. "I'm sorry about yesterday."

 

"It wasn't your fault," Lexa assured, pressing a kiss to Clarke's ear. 

 

"What's this place like?" Raven asked, catching both Clarke's and Lexa's attention. 

 

Octavia shrugged, settling more comfortable between Raven's legs, resting her back against Raven's front. "It's just a little cabin."

 

Lexa snorted at that, pulling everyone's attention to her. "There is nothing little about that place, it's huge." Lexa scoffed. "It's on its own private island, you have to drive across the frozen lake at this time of year and that's always nerve wracking. It has six bedrooms, three of which have balconies and their own fire places. And don't even get me started on the showers."

 

"I'll personally show you the showers." Octavia whispered into Raven's ear making both Clarke and Lexa roll their eyes. 

 

Their rental car was waiting for them when they touched down, a white Range Rover, because Octaiva apparently wasn't at all concerned about the weight of the car on the frozen lake. 

 

They made it to the house without falling through the ice every other time they'd came here but that didn't stop Lexa's leg from bouncing and her hands from shaking. The only thing that was different about this year was the hand sliding into her own and the blonde smiling calmingly at her. 

 

Lexa smiled as Clarke leant over and kissed her, whispering against Lexa's lips, "It's going to be ok."

 

And it's was, of course it was, they wouldn't allow them to drive over the ice if it wasn't thick enough to support them. 

 

They pulled their snow covered boots off at the door to avoid treading snow all over the house. 

 

"I can carry my own bag, you know?" Clarke sounded amused as she watched Lexa struggle up the stairs with both of their bags. 

 

"It's fine, I've-" Lexa groaned then huffed. "What the hell do you have in here? Your entire wardrobe?"

 

"The chivalry is sweet," Clarke laughed, taking the case from Lexa and pecking her on the lips. "Not needed but sweet nonetheless."

 

Lex watched grumpily as Clarke easily lifting the case up the stairs, trailing after her and into the room Lexa always occupied while here. 

 

"This place is incredible," Clarke commented and Lexa just hummed, falling backwards onto the bed, huffing out a laugh when Aurora hopped up and onto her stomach. 

 

Lexa shoved her off only at have her replaced by Clarke. 

 

The blonde had her hands braced on the bed either side of Lexa's, her hips pressing against hers. 

 

"I have a surprise for you tomorrow." Lexa whispered, her head falling back against the pillows for her hands slid across her hips to the dip in Clarke's spine. 

 

"A surprise?" Clarke frowned, her head cocking to the side, reminded Lexa of Aurora when she when she would do that. 

 

"Mm," Lexa hummed. 

 

"What is it?"

 

"You do t really understand the idea of surprises, do you?" Lexa chuckled, leaning up to kiss Clarke only to have her pull away just before their lips touched. 

 

"Nuh-uh," Clarke pressed her finger to Lexa's lips. "No kissing until you tell me what the surprise."

 

"Really? You're using your sexuality to get me to talk?" 

 

"Oh, if you think _this_ is me using my sexuality then you are in for a ride if you don't tell me now."

 

"No," Lexa laugh, "I'm trying to be romantic and plan a cute date while I actually can."

 

"Romantic, huh?" Clarke grinned, giving Lexa a lingering kiss. "Ok, I'll wait, but only because you said it would be romantic."

 

"I think you'll like it."

 

"Woody, Raven and I are heading into town to buy ice skates, what size feet are you and blondie?" Octavia called from outside the room.

 

"An eight," Clarke offered when Lexa looked at her questioningly. 

 

"A six and an eight," Lexa called, waiting until she hear the front door rattle closed before she slid her hands down over Clarke's ass. "They will be at least an hour, how about I show you the shower?"

 

Clarke grinned at the sly little smile in Lexa's lips. "That would be very helpful."

 

"And I do love to be helpful," Lexa pecked Clarke on the lips and gently batted at her ass. "Now, let's go."

 


	8. Chapter 8

Lexa laughed just as hard the eighth time as she did the first time Clarke fell on her ass.

"I could seriously injure myself and you're just laughing." Clarke huffed moodily, digging the heels of her skates into the ice and crossing her arms over her chest. 

Octavia and Raven had headed back to the house a while ago, getting changed into some dry clothes and grabbing a big blanket before settling on the comfy chairs on the patio section of the house, curling up right in front of the open fire. 

Lexa wanted to head back, too, but Clarke outright refused to leave until she was a little better on the ice than Bambi. 

"Let's just go get dinner, Clarke." Lexa grinned, skidding to a stop beside Clarke, earning herself a glare when little speckles of ice flicked over Clarke. 

"No, help me up." Clarke held her hands out to Lexa and made a grabby motion. "I'm gonna do this and I'm going to be amazing."

"Fine," Lexa grumbled, planting the heel of her skate into the ice and heaving Clarke up until they were standing nose to nose. "But at least let me teach you now, it will save you having a bruised tailbone."

"You just want an excuse to hold me hands," 

"Mm," Lexa hummed, pressing a lingering kiss to Clarke's lips. "That and if you throw out your back then there's no way you will be able to take part in all the things I have planned for us this weekend."

"Well, consider me intrigued."

Lexa grinned and began skating backwards, pulling Clarke along with her, instructing her best she could on how to keep her balance and how to propel herself forward. 

And it was all going well up until the point Clarke got too cocky and propelled herself to far forward, her skate catching on the front of Lexa's causing them both to tumbled onto the ice. 

Lexa landed on her back, the air leaving her lungs, but she chuckled breathlessly when Clarke landing on her, her hands coming up to grip onto Clarke's sides. 

"Jeez, Griff, we haven't long had sex and you still can't keep your hands offa me, huh?" Lexa teased, bumping her nose against Clarke's forehead. 

Clarke pulled back a little, looking down at Lexa with worried eyes. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Nah, I'm good." Lexa assured, moving her hands to curl around the back of Clarke's neck. "Can we go inside now? I feel like my nose if about to fall off."

"Yeah, let's go get changed and we can play that stupid truth or dare game Raven bought." Clarke agreed, kissing the tip of Lexa's frozen nose. "But you have to help me."

Lexa nodded, pulling Clarke down into a kiss, squealing when Clarke's cold fingers touched her stomach. "Clarke! Your hands are like ice."

"I know," Clarke grinned mischievously, her fingers dancing along Lexa's sides. 

"Clarke, stop!" Lexa tried to sound demanding but the little laugh that left her lips kind of ruined that facade. Clarke did stop, though, not out of intimidation but out of pity. "Can we please go inside, my butt is freezing?"

"Sure, let's go and I can help you warm that butt up."

Lexa helped Clarke to the edge of the lake with minimal stumbles, using her as a balancing post when they reached the door, fumbling with her skates. 

"We thought you were both going to just have sex right there on the frozen lake." Raven teased, grinning smugly at the duo. 

"I wouldn't of even been disgusting I would've been impressed, if you both managed to actually do it with frozen fingers." Octavia added, cuddling closer to Raven's chest, grinning cheekily behind her bottle of beer. 

"Yeah, but you're a pervert." Lexa commented offhandedly, stepping into the house and holding onto Clarke's arm as she began taking her boots off. 

"That's true," Raven agreed. 

"Are you both coming inside?" Clarke asked, glancing over at the women as she untied her skate. "We can put some music on and play a few of those drinking games you both got when you were out."

"Sure, we will be in in a minute."

Lexa shrugged off her thick jacket when they reached their room, shaking my her limbs out with a little shiver. "Man, it was freezing out there." She huffed, glancing up at Clarke to see her staring over at her with a soft smile. "What?"

"Your nose and cheeks are all red, and so are the tips of your ears." Clarke comment, dropping her own jacket to the floor and walking closer to Lexa, sliding her hands around her waist, her thumbs resting just above the waist band on Lexa's jeans. "It's just really cute."

Lexa smiled, wrapping her arms around Clarke's neck and pressing her cold nose against the column of Clarke's warm neck. 

"I'm glad we could do this." Clarke whispered, tracing her chilled fingers up Lexa's spine.

"Let's get drunk, hm?" Lexa pulled back a little. "Forget that we are only here for two days."

Clarke bobbed her head, pushing against the base of Lexa's back until she was pressed fully against her. "Still nothing on that surprise tomorrow?"

"Nope," Lexa's popped, nipping playfully at Clarke's jaw before pulling back. "Now get changed, I can hear that fire calling me from downstairs."

Raven and Octavia were waiting for them down stairs when they walked down. Raven was fiddling with the iPod while Octavia watched her from the sofa. 

There was two bottles of beer waiting for them when they sat down. Clarke reached over to pick up the little box on the table. "So you just roll the dice and whatever you get is what you have to do?"

"Mm," Octavia hummed, "the dice have either truth, dare or drink, if you get truth or dare you have to take one of the appropriate cards."

Clarke bobbed her head as she shook the lid off the box. The sound of the Weeknd began filtering through the speakers. 

"Finally, you were fiddling with that thing for a while." Octavia groaned. 

"Do you say that to all the girls?" Raven purred, falling down onto the sofa beside Octavia, reaching over clumsily up pick up the die. 

It was more than obvious that both Raven and Octavia were a little tipsy, judging from the redness of their and the constant giggling. 

"I can't believe I'm about to play truth or dare, I feel like I'm sixteen again." Clarke murmured from behind the lip of her bottle. 

Lexa hummed, her head falling against Clarke's shoulder. 

Lexa felt Clarke's head shift and tilted her head back, looking up at Clarke through her lashes. Clarke smiled softly down at her, pressing a kiss to Lexa's forehead.

"How's your butt doing?" Clarke asked with a cheeky little grin. 

"Still kinda cold," Lexa replied, smiling slyly up at Clarke as she pressed her palm to Clarke's chest, just over her heart. 

"Let me help with that," Clarke nibbled down on Lexa's bottom lip as she slid her hand down her back, curling her fingers around her Lexa's ass. 

"What a gent," 

"Dare," Raven announced, drawing Clarke's and Lexa's attention to her. Raven leant over to grab one of the dare cards, almost tumbling forward off the sofa but Octavia was quick enough to grab her before she did. "Jeez, how predictable and vanilla." Raven rolled her eyes, throwing the card onto the table and crossing her arms, gripping onto the bottom of her shirt and easily pulling it over her head. 

"Since when did you have your nipple pierced?" Clarke asked with a little frown when she noticed the little bar showing through the fabric of Raven's bra. Octavia just openly stared down at Raven's chest. 

"Got it done in Paris about six months ago,"

Clarke gave Raven a little nod. "Did it hurt?"

"I was drunk," Raven shrugged, handing off the die to Lexa.

Lexa rolled them onto the table, somewhat thankful when they landed on truth, she really didn't want to have to take her shirt off. She and Clarke had slept together numerous times and she still hadn't taken her shirt off completely in front of her, never showing her back to Clarke. 

Clarke reached over to grab the card, "If you _had_ to have sex in public, where would it be?"

"Uh, I don't know. The movies is suppose."

"Hm, I'll keep that in mind." Clarke purred, only half teasing, snagging the die off the table. 

It didn't take long for Lexa and Clarke to get on the same leave off drunkenness as Octavia and Raven had been when they began - thought, by that time, Raven and Octavia were still a good few beers and shots ahead of them -.

Lexa braced herself over Clarke, who was lying on her back, her shirt hiked up to just under her breasts. She had salt sprinkled up the middle of her torso and a lime slid clamped in between her teeth. "Ready?" Lexa hummed, holding the bottle of tequila up. 

Clarke bobbed her head, her stomach muscles tensing when the liquid was poured onto her navel. Lexa set the bottle back onto the table and ducked her head, her eyes not leaving Clarke's as she sucked up the liquid, only cringing slightly as she moved to the salt, pressing her tongue flatly against Clarke's skin and dragging it slowly -excruciatingly slow if you asked Clarke- up Clarke's skin. 

She licked her lips as she situated herself over Clarke, her green eyes boring into Clarke's blown, almost grey ones. Lexa slowly lowered her head, ready to take the lime in between her teeth but at the very last second, Clarke pushed the fruit out of her mouth, her hand curling around the back of Lexa neck and then she was kissing her, taking advantage of Lexa's surprise to slip her tongue easily past her lips. 

After a few mouths they pulled apart, not because they wanted to but because Raven's wolf whistle pulled them out of their little bubble.

"No, no. Please don't stop on our behalf." Octavia hummed, grinning over at the duo. 

"Mm, you both sure know how to make a girl all hot and bothered." Raven commented, fanning herself with her hand.

Lexa just grinned, offering her hand to Clarke when she stood up straight. 

Clarke grabbed the die when she was sitting back on the sofa, Lexa leaning against her side. 

"Truth," she murmured, lifting up the top card before shaking her head and went to put it back.

"Nu huh." Raven held out her hand to stop her, snatching the card from Clarke. "You can't just do that, you have to answer." She ordered. "Tell, in detail, the last sexual encounter you had." Raven read and Lexa felt her ears heat up. 

"I am not talking about our sex life." Clarke insisted. "I will answer almost anything but that's private."

"Oh, don't worry, I know what Lexa is like in bed." Octavia commented and Lexa all but choked on her drink.

"You what?" Clarke frowned, looking from Octavia to Lexa and back again.

Octavia blinked a couple of times, her eyes moving to Lexa. "You didn't tell her?

"Tell me what?" Her voice was more demanding this time and her eyes settled on Lexa expectantly.

"I- we..." Lexa trailed off, trying to formulate from kind of explanation in her fuzzy mind.

"They were each others first times." Raven answered, "It's kinda cute, really. Best friends helping each other out."

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" Clarke frowned and Lexa ignored the little 'oops' that escaped Octavia's lips because if she looked at her best friend right now she was afraid she might hit her and she _hated_ that she felt like that.

"I didn't think it was important,"

"Not important? You were fucking your best friend." Clarke snapped, throwing her hands up in the direct of Raven. "And you're just fine with this?"

"Well, yeah. Octavia and I are just seeing each other, we can do whoever else we want."

"Come on," Octavia gently tugged at Raven's shoulder before standing up, grabbing Raven's shirt and throwing it at her. "Let's give them space. 

Clarke waited for them to leave before turning to Lexa, her eyebrows raised expectations. "What the hell?" She asked, holding her hands up. 

"It happened before we even knew each other existed."

"It's not the fact that it happened it's the fact you didn't tell me." Clarke frowned. "That's something you tell someone, especially if you are still close with her."

"Why should I have, Clarke? We've been seeing each other for, what, a week? I don't have to tell you everything."

"It's being going on long than that, though." Clarke snapped, wheeling around to Lexa and the sudden movement made Lexa flinch away from her and, _God_ did that make her feel pathetic.

Clarke immediately softened, her face morphing into a look of regret as she took a step toward Lexa. "Lex," She breathed, almost sounding hurt that Lexa had reacted the way she had.

"I'm sorry, I just- I didn't think it was important. It's over, it hasn't happened in years." Lexa explained shakily, looking anywhere but Clarke.

"I don't care about that, Lexa." Clarke sighed, gently taking ahold of Lexa's triceps. "I would never hurt you."

"No, I know." Lexa swallowed, shaking her head lightly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean too."

"It's ok, please don't apologise." Clarke pleaded, ducking her head to kiss Lexa's forehead. "I just don't want you to _ever_ be afraid of me."

"I'm not. It just- it reminded me a lot of my dad. My body kind of reacted before my brain really registered what had happened, the fight or flight response, you know?" Lexa let out a strained little laugh. Clarke didn't even smile.

"Lexa,"

Lexa took a step back, flashing Clarke a tight lipped smile. "I need some air."

Lexa turned quickly, before Clarke could object, and headed up to her room. She ran her fingers through her hair as she walked through the balcony doors, not even shivering when the well bellow zero air hit the skin on her arms.

She felt like shit for being the reason for the sadness in Clarke's eyes after she flinched away, she honestly hadn't meant to. She knew Clarke would _never_ hurt her. 

She startled again when the balcony doors opened about ten minutes later. 

"It's cold, Lex." Clarke said softly, wrapping a duvet around Lexa's shoulders, tentatively pressing a kiss to her cheek. "I'm sorry."

Clarke made an attempt to head back into the house but Lexa spoke up before she could. "Don't go." Lexa requested softly, turning to face Clarke. "And don't be sorry, this is my fault, I should've told you. But it meant nothing. Well, no, it meant something, because it was my first time and she's Octavia but that's all it was."

"I've just seen the both of you together, you know?" Clarke sighed, moving closer to Lexa when she held her arms out, opening up the duvet for Clarke. "I've seen the bond you both have, it's special and I can't compete with that, you know?"

"There's no competition, Clarke. What Octavia and I have is special, and I love her, but it has never been as more than a friend." Lexa assured, wrapping her arms, and the duvet, around Clarke's shoulders. "What Octavia and I have isn't special in the way what we have is."

"Really?" Clarke leant her ear against Lexa's chest, snuggling closer to the girls warmth. 

"Of course. I'm crazy about you, you know that." Lexa kissed Clarke's temple. "I have been since the moment we met." Lexa huffed out a little laugh. "Completely, pathetically smitten by you."

"See, when we first met you were drunk so I just thought you were cute, and kind of intriguing." Clarke laughed. "From the start, though, there's always been something with your eyes. Something that drew me in."

"My eyes?"

"Mm," Clarke hummed, her hands sliding down Lexa's back, over her hips to her ass and she pushed Lexa back against the banister. "I dunno what it is, there's just something about them."

Lexa smiled, tightening her arms around Clarke's neck, pulling her into a kiss. 

"This is very romantic," Clarke whispered. "The snow, the blanket." She paused for a moment. "Speaking of romantic-"

"I'm not telling you what we're doing tomorrow." Lexa huffed, gently shoving Clarke away from her. 

"Fine," Clarke sighed, quickly snagging Lexa's hand as she stumbled backwards, pulling Lexa right back into her, tilting her head up to kiss her fully on the lips. "What do you say to making out in front of the fire for the rest of the night?"

"I say it sounds really sweaty,"

"Oh, hopefully you will be once I'm done with you." Clarke grinned, giving Lexa's lip a playful little nip before all but skipping back into the room. 

Lexa smiled to herself, pulling her covers a little tighter around herself and followed Clarke. Clarke was already sitting beside the fire, her legs forming a basket as she poked at the flames with the black poker. Her blonde hair had been tied up in one of those stupidly attractive messy buns and her eyes were lighting up as the flames flickered. 

Then little voice in the back of Lexa's mind said something that took her completely of guard. 

_Show her_. 

Lexa had _never_ felt the urge to show anyone the scars that were painted across her back. She knew at one point she would _have_ to show them to Clarke, the whole shower sex with a shirt on was just ridiculous, but she didn't think it was something she would voluntarily want to do. 

"I want to show you something," Slipped from her lips before she could stop it. 

Clarke drew her eyes from the fire, her eyebrows knitting together on a little concerned from when she noticed the look on Lexa's face. "What's up?"

Lexa didn't answer, instead she dropped the duvet, allowing it to pool around her feet, and reached for the bottom of her shirt, easily lifting it up over her head. 

Clarke blinked in surprise. "You don't have to..."

Lexa squeezed her eyes closed tight and turned around, bracing herself for a gasp or some sort of noise of disgust. Neither of those came, though, all she heard was the sound of Clarke standing up then there was a pair of warm hands pressing against the cold skin on the base of her back. 

"Lex," Clarke breathed and she didn't sound like she pitted Lexa or that she felt sorry for her. She then pressed her lips to a particularly recent scar over Lexa's shoulder blade. "You're beautiful, ok?" Clarke assured forcefully, her hands sliding around to Lexa's stomach as she pressed herself up against her back, her chin resting in the crook of Lexa's neck. "And these don't change that."

"I don't- they're ugly."

"No," Clarke sighed. "This reminds me of something my mom told me when I was a kid." She whispered against Lexa's cheek. "She told me that I didn't want a knight in shinning armour, Knight in shinning armor means that said knight hasn't done any fighting, hasn't been through anything. See, I want a knight in dented, scuffed, tarnished armour, that shows that they have been through stuff and still made it out. _That_ is the kind of person I want, that is the kind of person _you_ are."

"I'm hardly keeping my own head above water, I can't protect you too."

"I don't need you too, I can protect myself, with enough left over to help you build yourself back up when you're feeling down." Clarke assured, pulling back a little when Lexa tried to turn on her arms. "Besides, you don't have to _do_ anything to help me, just being around you makes me feel better."

"Have you every thought about how this will end?" Lexa asked, moving with Clarke as the blonde walked them back toward the fire. "It can't end well, can it?"

"I try not to think about it," Clarke admitted, lowering herself into the fluffy white rug, pulling Lexa down with her, reclining back until she was lying flat on her back and Lexa was straddling her thighs. "'Cause I have no idea how this is going to end, I don't know if it's going to end quietly or if it's going end in fireworks. And the fact that it might end badly, especially for you, is terrifying."

"You don't have to worry about me," Lexa whispered, watching Clarke's hands as she reached out, brushing her fingertips against the defined muscles on Lexa's abdomen. "If my dad found out about this I honestly don't think he would hurt me, he would probably just straight up disown me." Lexa said, taking ahold of Clarke's hands when she dragged her nails down the skin in Lexa's stomach. She laced their fingers together as she lowered herself over Clarke, pressing every inch of their bodies together and pinning Clarke's hands above her head. "Which is why I've been siphoning money from him into my own secret bank account since I was sixteen." She whispered against Clarke's lips, mirroring the sly little grin that pulled its way onto Clarke's lips. 

"Clever girl," Clarke hummed, closing the small gap between their lips, dragging her teeth along Lexa's bottom lip. "Now, what were you saying about getting sweaty?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of you have been asking for everything to go down and for it to be less fluffy and it will, either in the next chapter or the one after. Thank you for reading : )

 

"You're not peeking, are you,?" Lexa side eyes Clarke as she drove up the path to their destination.

"For the fifth time , Lex, I'm not peaking." Clarke huffed.

"And for the fifth, _Griff_ , I saw you peeking through your fingers." Lexa shot back, rolling her eyes at Clarke's mischievous little grin.

"Fine, I promise not to peak anymore." And Lexa believed her, one thing she'd grown to learn about Clarke was that she didn't make promise she didn't intend on keeping. Clarke flinched away when Aurora poked her head through the middle of the seats, licking her cheek. "Why do we have Aurora with us?"

"You'll see,"

They arrived at their destination a few minutes later and Clarke kept her hand over her eyes as Lexa helped her out of her car and directed her up the path.

"You ready?" Lexa asked, telling Aurora to sit.

"Lexa!" Clarke scolded and Lexa laughed.

"Ok, you can open your eyes."

The first thing Clarke noticed was the puppies running around in the snow, playfully jumping on one and other. Then she noticed the sign about the little cabin in front of them 'hired dog sleighs'.

"This is ok, right?" Lexa asked nervously when Clarke didn't react. "'Cause if it's not I can take you-"

Before Lexa could even suggest taking Clarke skiing, or even to the movies, Clarke had spun around, her glove covered hands landing on Lexa's cheeks and gently tugged her in for a kiss.

Lexa's hands slid around to Clarke's lower back, pulling her in closer as Clarke deepened the kiss.

"This is more than I expected." Clarke breathed against Lexa's lips, letting her forehead rest against the younger girls. "It's perfect, honestly."

"Good, cause I booked the entire day here, we are going for a ride then we get to hang out with the dogs for a while." Lexa smiled, pecking Clarke on the lips before grabbing her hand and pulling her over to the cabin.

"Lexa Woods," a tall, burly man grinned when they entered, and Clarke probably would've been scared of him if he wasn't looking so softly at Lexa. "I thought I was hearing things when Toby said you'd be coming in." The man wrapped Lexa up in a hug and, at first, Lexa tensed up but quickly relaxed, wrapping her arms around the man's midsection. "How've you been, haven't seen you up here in a couple of years now?"

"Yeah, I've been fine, Gus." Lexa smiled, pulling back a little, motioning toward Clarke. "This is Clarke."

"Clarke, huh?" Gus grinned at Lexa knowingly, making the younger woman roll her eyes, and stretched his hand out towards Clarke. "I'm Gus, I've know Lexa since she was just out of dippers. So, around ten years now."

Clarke laughed at the playful little jib and shook the man's hand.

"No, I'm kidding, it must be, what? Fifteen years now." Gus addressed Lexa who nodded.

"I think so. Gus is a family friend of Octavia's." Lexa explained, smiling when she felt Clarke's fingers dancing around her wrist.

"Toby is going too be so excited too see you," Gus grinned, "Toby, Lexa is here."

There was a moments pause before the sound of footsteps bouncing downstairs came.

Clarke didn't know if it was because of the name but she expected a young child to walk through the doors so Clarke was surprised when the door opened and a handsome, tall, muscular young adult walked in, his dark hair mused and his blue eyes lighting up at the sight of Lexa.

"Lexa Woods, I would say it's been a while since I've seen you but little-miss-troublemaker likes to be on the front covers of tabloids." Toby grinned and, honestly, Clarke couldn't help but be a little jealous, and somewhat territorial, when he wrapped his tattoo covered arms around Lexa.

"Jeez, Toby, where did all this come from?" Lexa poked at Toby's large arms. "The last time I seen you you were a scrawny sixteen year old."

"Impressed?" The boy grinned, cocking his eyebrow at Lexa as he flexed one of his arms. "I'm knew I'd get you on side one day."

"Never gonna happen, big boy."

"And I can see why," Toby turned his attention of Clarke. "Clarke Griffin, right?"

Clarke paled a little, the fact that he knew who she was meant that he probably knew she was married. Clarke glanced quickly over at Lexa, relaxing when she gave her a calming little smile. She obviously trusted theses people so Clarke knew she should, too.

"Yeah,"

"Your eyes are much prettier in person," Toby flashed a charming smile, taking ahold of Clarke's hand and kissing her knuckles.

"Okay, Bugs, back up a little." Lexa gave Toby's shoulder a little shove and Clarke's heart soared a little.

"Oh, someone's territorial." Toby teased. "And you can't call me that anymore," he said, snapping his teeth at Lexa. "They're perfect now."

Clarke grinned to herself when she felt Lexa press a little closer to her, her fingertips skimming over the skin on Clarke's inner wrist.

"Whatever, Goofy."

"I have a sleigh set up for you both whenever you're ready." Gus interrupted, motioning toward the back door. "Toby, take her dog out to the yard."

"We should hang out tonight," Lexa offered, giving Toby's are a little punch as she walked past him, handing off Aurora's leash. "That diner still open in town?"

"Yeah, still the same as when we were teenagers."

"Dinner then? I will get Octavia and Raven, too." Lexa held her hand up when Toby's eyes lit up. "Both unavailable."

Toby tutted. "I suppose so."

Lexa forgot how exhilarating it was to do this. There was some sense of nostalgia about it mix with a feeling that was completely new when Clarke squeezed her tightly, it was a feeling that made her smile behind her scarf.  _This_  felt more like home than Los Angeles ever had.

Clarke's grip loosened over the duration of the ride as she got more familiar with the sensation of being pulled at twenty miles per hours through the snow by ten dogs.

Clarke kept her face against Lexa's shoulder for most of it, attempting to shield her from the freezing cold wind that was beginning to burn at both hers and Lexa's faces.

She enjoyed herself, though. But it was entirely possible that that was down to the fact she was pressed up against Lexa for all of it.

Both girls rubbed at their faces as they made their way back into the cabin after their three hour ride.

"It wasn't that cold." Gus laughed.

"You have a beard, Gus, you can make comments like that." Lexa grumbled, heading over to the fire that was burning on the far wall. "Where's Toby?"

"He's outside with the dogs, you can both go out and join him, if you'd like."

Lexa nodded, walking over to Gus and winding her arms around his waist. "It was good seeing you again."

"You too, Lexa." The man smiled warmly. "Let's not wait this long next time, hm?"

"I won't." Lexa assured, giving Gus one last squeeze before leading the way out to the back yard.

"How was the ride?" Toby asked when he spotted them, two little husky puppies wriggling around in his arms, his eyes moving from Lexa to Clarke. "This was your first time, right?"

Clarke bobbed her head, crouching down to pet the dog that was scratching at her leg. "Yeah, it was really great."

"How was she?" Lexa asked, scratching at Aurora's back when the puppy rushed over to her, bracing her front paws on Lexa's bent knee and resting her chin on Lexa's shoulder.

"Great, she hasn't stopped running around."

They spent the next hour and a half playing with the animals and Lexa caught up with Toby. Talking about how their lives had been, Lexa correcting Toby on a few false stories he had read.

"So, Clarke..." Toby trailed off and Lexa pulled her eyes away from Clarke, who was warming herself beside the first.

"What about her?" Lexa side eyed the boy, daring him to say something bad.

"No, nothing, it's just- you both seem... _friendly_."

"So?"

"I dunno- she's married, is all." Toby shrugged.

"I know,"

"And it's worth it?"

"Worth what?" Lexa frowned.

"The backlash, there will be a shit storm if this comes out, you know? The media will have a field day, you're their favourite little trouble maker." Toby smiled cheekily. "I'm not going to say a word, and if you say it's worth it I'll believe you, I just don't want you dubbed a home wrecker."

"It's worth it."

Toby nodded understandingly. "So you love her, then?"

Lexa turned her eyes back to Clarke, smiling when Aurora hopped up, bracing her paws on Clarke's shoulder and licked at her cheek. "Nah," Lexa slowly shook her head. "Not yet."

" _Yet._ " Toby commented with a little whistle. "So you could?"

"You're being an asshole," Lexa grumbled.

"No, I'm not teasing you. It's cute," the boy shrugged. "Nice, you know? You deserve to finally met someone after Costia. And don't worry, I'm completely over that childhood crush I had on you. Gone. Not even a thing anymore."

Lexa laughed at that, pulling both Aurora's and Clarke's attention to her. Clarke's eyes narrowed a minuscule amount, but enough for both Toby and Lexa to notice.

"She's just as territorial as you," Toby whispered against her ear before pushing himself off of the counter he was sitting on. "I've gotta get showered and changed but I will meet you at the diner at seven, ok?" He offered, smiling at Clarke as he walked past.

"Don't be jealous, he's harmless." Lexa teased, hopping off the counter and walking over to Clarke.

"I like him," Clarke commented and Lexa raised her eyes skeptically. "No, really, I do. He's nice and, I don't know, seems really protective of you." Clarke smiled, gently taking ahold of Lexa's hips and pulling her closer. "And I like anyone who looks after you."

"You ready to go? We can go for a nice warm shower."

"That sounds amazing," Clarke groaned, taking a step away from Lexa, allowing her hand to link with Lexa's. "Im not even sure if I have toes anymore."

"Aurora, let's go." Lexa called and the dog didn't even lift her head at her owners voice.

"I think she's exhausted," Clarke laughed, "her eyes were drooping the entire time I was over there with her."

Lexa handed her keys off to Clarke. "Do you want to go open the car and I'll get her."

"Sure," Clarke hummed, leaning in to kiss Lexa, smiling against her lips when Lexa tugged her in closer. "Thank you for today." She whispered against Lexa's lips, resting their foreheads together. "I know this was something important to you, something that made you happy and I'm glad you shared it with me."

Lexa smiled, giving Clarke's hand a little squeeze and pulling back.

Aurora released a little whine when Lexa picked her up, her sleepy eyes opening on briefly to see who was picking her up. "You really are tired, aren't you, buddy?"

The warm feeling remained in Lexa's chest when she sat in the booth at her old favourite diner, Clarke's hand resting on her knee while Toby joked with everyone. It was something she missed from not coming here, it was also something she wanted more of.

"What is that wolf conversation like now? The one that's about an hour from your place?" Lexa asked Toby as they waited at the counter to order another milkshake.

"Northern lights? My ex used to work there, she loved it. Why?"

"You won't tell anyone?"

Toby gave her a look. "Of course not."

"I'm thinking about leaving LA." Lexa admitted, playing with the little pile of salt in the counter. "And I want to come here, I remember we used to go to that conservation when we were kids."

"Why do you want to leave?"

"I just don't like it there anymore, I don't like the attention."

"Yeah, I can't imagine what it must be like to have everything you do scrutinised." Toby nodded understandingly. "What about your 'rents, though? And Clarke."

"I don't care about my parents, and Clarke-" Lexa shrugged. "I haven't figured that out yet."

"Well, there's no rush, you still have to finish up university anyway, right? So you still have, like, six months to figure anything out." Toby said. "And if you need anyone to talk to, I'm here for you."

"Who knew a heart came with all this muscle." Lexa teased, nudging her hip against Toby's before resting her head on his shoulder. "Thanks, though."

"No problem." Toby gave her a little squeeze, smiling at the waitress when she sat five drinks in front of them. "Thanks, Rach."

When Lexa sat back down Clarke's hand was straight back onto her thigh, a little higher than before, and her other hand wrapped around her milkshake.

Toby came over after dinner and hung out with them, there was no truth or dare after what had happened the night before, and drove Lexa and Clarke to the airport the next morning. Raven and Octavia decided to stay behind for a few days longer, which Lexa also wanted to do but couldn't, she had classes to go too.

"I'll see you soon, Lexa." He whispered against her ear as she hugged her before moving to hug Clarke. "And it was nice to meet you, Clarke."

Lexa stretched back on the sofa when they boarded the plane and Clarke positioned herself on top of her, her head resting on Lexa's chest.

"This weekend was fun," Clarke spoke for the first time since they reached altitude, lifting her head off of Lexa's chest a little while after the pilot had announced that they would be descending soon.

"Yeah," Lexa whispered back, smiling down at Clarke and tentatively reaching out to tuck some of the girls blonde hair behind her ear. "I can't remember the last time I smiled as much as I have this weekend."

"I probably won't see you again until we are in Miami." Clarke closed her eyes when Lexa gently scratched her scalp. "Which sucks."

"It does," Lexa hummed. "And I don't think I will even get to spend a lot of time with you down there, not with my parents around."

"We could sneak away, I'm sure there is somewhere in your huge beach house, or your private beach."

"Actually, there is."

"Well, if we can sneak away then maybe a little birthday making out will be on the cards." Clarke grinned, leaning up to place a lingering kiss on Lexa's lips.

"If that's the case then we can definitely sneak away." Lexa agreed, her hand sliding into Clarke's hair as she pulled her in for another kiss. "Do you want to head out before I do? And text me and let me know if there are any paps out there, that way I know where to avoid."

"Sure,"

They didn't actually leave the plane until over an hour after it had landed, the only reason they actually did leave was because the pilot said he had to fly back to Canada that night.

"So, how was it?" Lincoln asked when he picked her up.

"Yeah, it was really good." Lexa ran her fingers through Aurora's hair once the dog settled in her lap.

"Anya told me about Clarke." The man said. "I know she probably gave you an ear full so I'm just going to ask and if you say yes I'll drop it. Is she worth it?"

"God, what is it with people and asking me that question?" Lexa groaned, her head falling back against the headrest. "Yes, Lincoln, she's worth it."

"Ok, then I've got your back. Anya, too. She was just worried about you is all."

"I didn't mean for it to happen."

"I know you didn't, Le." Lincoln gently patted Lexa's shoulder, his eyes not leaving the road. "I'm torn though. Like, she's hot so I want to ask all the dirty details but you're also my kid sister so," Lincoln scrunched up his face in disgust. "Nah, I'm good, actually."

"I wouldn't have told you anyway, that's gross."

"I'm happy for you, though. If you're happy I'm happy, same with Anya." Lincoln said, his face taking a more solemn turn and Lexa knew exactly what he was about to say. "It was my fault, she covered for me while I was out drinking and I got caught by the paps."

"Is she ok?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Are _you_?"

"He didn't hurt me, he made me watch him hurting her."

Lexa knew from experience that that was the worst kind of punishment. "Is she at home?"

"Yeah, she has a day off today but when I left she was still in bed."

Lexa dropped her bag at her bedroom door as she passed, heading straight for Anya's room, knocking twice before pushing the door opened. "Anya, you awake?"

"Yeah," Anya rolled into her back with a little wince. "Come in."

Lexa closed the door behind her, making her way over to Anya's bed and slipping into her sisters waiting arms.

"How was your weekend?" Anya asked, wrapping Lexa up in a hug as Lexa settled her head on her shoulder.

"Yeah, it was really good." Lexa whispered. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, you don't have to worry about me, kiddo." Anya pressed a kiss to her sisters forehead. "I'm worried about Lincoln, though. He's been drinking a lot."

Lexa thinks that over for a few minutes. About how she can't really remember the last time Lincoln wasn't out drinking and how, much to her horror, Lincoln's car had absolutely reeked of whiskey today. She hadn't thought much of it, though, she didn't think Lincoln would ever drink and drive.

"Should we talk to him?"

"We will do it after we get a nap."

Lexa didn't manage to nap but Anya did, though, probably exhausted for the beating she had been given the previous night.

And when they headed downstairs Lincoln was sitting at the dinner table, his head in one of his hand and his other hand was wrapped around a bottle of their dads whiskey.

"Lincoln," Anya announced, startling her little brother.

"Oh, hey, girls. Did you have a nice nap?"

"It was fine," Anya shrugged, sitting down across from Lincoln while Lexa hovered over his shoulder. "We need to talk to you."

Lincoln slowly lifted his head, glancing at both of his sisters, taking in their worried faces. "What is this?"

"We need to talk about your drinking,"

"Ah, that's what this is? An intervention." Lincoln laughed, shaking his head. "Back off girls, it's none of your business."

"Lincoln, we're worried about you." Anya sighed.

"Lexa is fucking dads business partner's _wife_ , and you are worried about me?" Lincoln laughed humourlessly. "Sort your own shit out before coming at me for mine."

"You drove drunk today, Lincoln!" Lexa snapped, snatching the bottle from Lincoln when he went to take a drink. "You could've killed us both, or someone else." Lexa's face softened. "This isn't the big brother I grew up with."

"People change, kid." Lincoln snatched the bottle back from Lexa. "The sooner you learn that the happier you'll be." He growled, taking a swig of the bottle. "Now grow up and get the fuck out of my face."

Anya was out of her seat in a second, snatched the bottle from Lincoln and grabbing onto the man's face. "Don't talk to her like that." Anya hissed, gripping tighter onto Lincoln's face when he attempted to move away. " _Look a_ t you, I bet this is what dad was like twenty years ago. Is that what you want? To grow up and be like daddy dearest?"

Lincoln slapped Anya's hand away and shot up from his seat, causing Lexa to flinch away, her eyes not leaving her siblings as they squared off against each other.

"Do you _want_ to see me act like dad?"

"I dare you."

"Guys, stop!" Lexa yelled, causing both of her siblings to wheel around to look at her. "All we have is each other and you are both acting like this! Do you not think we have enough to worry about with mom and dad without worrying about each other?"

Both of her siblings just looked at her, both of this faces still moulded into a scowl.

"Or we can just act like did?" Lexa pushed at Lincoln's shoulder, causing the tipsy boy to stumble back slightly. "Go, hit me. Dad wouldn't think twice about to, hit me!"

Lincoln's back hit the wall when Lexa gave him one final push, his eyes wide in surprise as he stared at his little sister, completely ignoring the dog standing strong at Lexa's feet, snarling at him. Lincoln shook his head.

"No, I'm not going to hit you."

Lexa softened, reaching out to touch Lincoln's tattoos forearm. "You need help, Linc."

"There is this two week detox program in Saint Bernardino. It's private, no one will know you're in there so dad doesn't have to know." Anya held up a leaflet. "I can drive you there right now."

"But I'll miss Lexa's birthday."

"I don't care, the best thing you could do for me for my birthday is get better." Lexa assured, sliding her arms around Lincoln's waist, resting her ear against the man's chest. "Please, Lincoln."

Lincoln wrapped her arms around Lexa's shoulders. "Ok," Lincoln agreed, "Ok, yeah. I'll go."

And he did, less than ten minutes later Anya and Lincoln were driving out of the garage, leaving as quickly as they could before their parents for home.

Lexa groaned as she fell down onto her bed, Aurora bouncing up beside her.

They weren't able to contact him and he couldn't contact them, he would be completely isolated and Lexa hated that. She knew it was what was best for him, she just didn't like it.

She tried for over an hour to sleep before finally giving up and texting Clarke.

_'Can I call you?'_

Her phone rang a few seconds later.

 _"Is everything ok?"_ Was the first thing Clarke said. It was a simple question but it still made Lexa's heart soar.

"Yeah," Lexa sighed, burying her nose in Aurora's fur.

" _Well, that was the least convincing thing you've ever said."_ Clarke said teasingly but her voice was serious when she spoke again. _"What is it, Lex? Did something happen?"_

"Lincoln went away."

_"Away? Away where?"_

"Rehab,"

 _"Rehab,"_ Clarke repeated carefully, as if making sure she heard Lexa correctly. _"Like, drugs?"_

"Alcohol," Lexa corrected. "I don't want him to end up like our dad, Clarke."

" _He won't, he went to get help, I find it highly improbable that your father would do that."_ Clarke reasoned. _"Do you want me to come over?"_

"You can't, my parents are due back soon." Lexa sighed. "But could you tell me a story like you usually do when I can't sleep?"

" _Of course, yeah."_ Clarke agreed. _"Are you in bed and comfortable?"_

"About as comfortable as I can be without you here."

"Smooth," Clarke deadpanned but Lexa could hear the smile on her voice as she spoke. _"How about the story about how I almost blew up the chemistry lab in high school?"_

\--

It was weird not having Lincoln with them at the house in Miami, it had always been the three of them since before Lexa can remember but the strange sense of loneliness lessened when everyone stared showing up for the party.

Honestly, Lexa really didn't want to be here. She might've been able to deal with it if it was just a party but because it was for her she had people coming over to her constantly, wishing her a happy birthday and each time she had to just smile and thank them.

"Yeah aren't a teenager anymore," one of her dads friends commented and Lexa forced herself to laugh, he was really creeping her out, but it died in her throat when she lifted her eyes to the door just as Clarke (and Jeff) entered.

Lexa knew the man she was speaking with was still talking but she couldn't force herself to look away from Clarke, who was dressed in a ridiculously tight red dress, her hair was pulled up into a classy up-do and her lips were completely void of lipstick (Lexa had a good idea as to why).

"Sorry, I'll be right back." Lexa interrupted the man, smiling sweetly at him before making her way toward Clarke and Jeff.

"Happy birthday, Lexa." Jeff announced when she reached them, wrapping her up in a hug.

Lexa merely patted the man's back, her eyes roaming down the length of Clarke's body. "Thank you."

"Where are your parents?" Jeff asked as he pulled back, holding up the present. "I'll put this with the pile."

"The lounge I think, maybe the kitchen." Lexa motioned toward the kitchen, watching over her shoulder as the man left. "It's like you want me to just press you up against the wall in front of everyone." Lexa murmured, waiting for Jeff to disappear into the kitchen before turning to Clarke who was smirking at her.

"I don't know what you mean," Clarke said with faux innocence.

"You look amazing, I would say red is your colour but every colour is your colour." A soft smile stretched across Clarke's lips at that, bringing her hand up to her mouth to hide it. "I should go, don't want to get caught around you for too long."

"Fair enough," Clarke hummed. "Can you meet me somewhere, though?"

"Uh, yeah, give me five minutes and I'll meet you in the bathroom upstairs, third door on your right."

Lexa spoke to a few more visitors before making her way upstairs, quickly sliding into the bathroom.

Before she even had time to blink Clarke had her pushed up against the door and was kissing her.

"Hey," Clarke breathed against her lips. "I got you something."

"You and him already gave me my present."

Clarke tutted and rolled her eyes. "You think that's all I got you? Come on, Lexa."

Clarke handed Lexa a little black box and when Lexa opened it she was met with a oval shaped locket. The locket had a black background with what looked to be a silver lion covering most of it. Lexa squinted to get a better look when she noticed the lion seemed to have wings and a beak.

"It's a griffin." Clarke pointed out, holding up the little locket she had around her own neck. "I got one made for myself, too. It's a tree." She opened up the locket, showing Lexa the photo inside. It was one of them that had been taking in Canada. They were both sitting in front of the fire and Lexa was holding up Aurora's front paws, her chin resting in between the dogs ears as she grinned at the camera while Clarke had her head resting on Lexa's shoulder, a grin of her own on her lips. "Yours is the same photo."

"I love it," Lexa mumbled, opening up her own locket.

"Yeah? 'Cause I really wasn't sure what to get a girl who has everything, you know?" Clarke laughed nervously.

"Are you kidding? You went and got these specially made, not just for me but for yourself too, I've never had someone go to that amount of trouble for me."

"Well, you're worth it."

Lexa smiled, leaning up to peck Clarke on the lips. "Thank you," she said before holding the box out to Clarke. "Put it on for me?"

Clarke obliged, waiting for Lexa to turn her back to her before clipping the necklace on. She pressed a kiss to the back of Lexa's head when she had finished. "Happy birthday, babe."

Lexa smiled, turning to face Clarke and wrapping her arms around the blonde woman's neck.

"I've missed you this past week," Lexa whispered against the side of Clarke's head.

"Me, too." Clarke admitted, pushing on Lexa's lower back until she was flush against her, hiding her face against her neck. "Are we still meeting under the pier?"

"Yeah, at about ten o'clock."

"Good," Clarke pulling back just enough to graze her nose off Lexa's. "I can't wait." She whispered against Lexa's lips before kissing her slowly, taking full advantage of what little time they would have together this weekend.

"You can't kiss me like that and then just expect me to leave." Lexa breathed, chasing Clarke's lips as the blonde pulled away.

Clarke laughed, allowing Lexa to kiss her for a few seconds longer before pulling away completely. "We should get back, it is your night after all."

Lexa scoffed. "This night is about my 'rents showing off. All I wanted to do was just relax at home, maybe sneak away to spend some time with you."

"That would've been great, unfortunately we can't so you head down, I'll hang around up here for a little bit."

Lexa huffed and nodded, giving Clarke a quick peck on the lips.

\--

Lexa hated being centre of attention. She hates having people watching her, people seeking her out, that was to much pressure not to screw up, and screwing up is what Lexa seems to do best.

She felt the knot upwind in her chest as she stepped out into the back porch at a couple of minutes to ten. Having her father breathing down her neck as she spoke to everyone, watching her every move, probably making sure she didn't go near Clarke, really made her anxious beyond belief.

Taking a deep breath -relishing in the fresh, salty air- she headed down the stairs and along the sand toward the pier.

Clarke was already waiting for her, leaning against one of the poles, the waves washing over her feet.

"How did I get lucky enough to have someone like you in my life?" Lexa said, pulling Clarke's attention to her.

"I was just thinking something similar." Clarke's hands landed on Lexa's cheeks as she walked closer, pulling her in for a soft, yet intense kiss. "How long do we have?"

"As long as we want, I have some place to show you."

"You want to go for a walk?"

"It isn't far."

"Is that a good idea? Do you want your dad seeing a photo in the news paper tomorrow of you and I together?"

"It's a private beach, no one is going to see us." Lexa assured, gently tugging Clarke's toward her, brushing this noses together as she brought her lips within a sliver of Clarke's. "Come on, there's a little secluded part that only my siblings and I know about. I don't know about you but I've never had sex on the beach."

Clarke groaned, her lips chasing Lexa's when the woman slowly pulled back. "You're killing me, Woods."

"Come. With. Me." Lexa requested again, punctuating each word with a kiss.

"God, I feel like a teenager." Clarke laughed, both of them wobbling on the sand as the water washed over their feet.

"I am a teenager."

"Not anymore, you're technically an adult now."

"Well, that's terrifying." Lexa grinned, one arm remaining wrapped around Clarke's neck while she moved her other hand to cup her cheek. "But if I look as good as you do in your old age I suppose I will be happy with that."

"Cheeky," Clarke kinked her eyebrow, quickly leaning forward to nip at Lexa's bottom lip. "I'm only twenty five."

"So old," Lexa jested, licking the spot on her lip Clarke had just bitten.

"Show me where this spot is before someone sees us."

Lexa pecked Clarke on the lips, her hands braces on the woman's shoulders as she whispered against Clarke's lips, "Try to keep up, old timer." Then took off in the direction of the secluded section of the beach.

Clarke grinned to herself, her feet digging into the sand as she ran after Lexa.

They eventually made their way back into the house an hour later and, thankfully, the party was still in full swing and nobody seemed to realise they had disappeared for an hour.

"I'll see you once we are back in LA," Clarke offered Lexa a soft smile before going off in search of her husband.

"Somebody got laid," Octavia sing-songed, sitting down on one of the stools beside Lexa.

"Mhm," Lexa hummed, yawning as she leant her chin on her fists.

"You seem happy,"

"I am," Lexa smiled, tilting her head a little to the side to look at Octavia. "Where's Raven?"

"Hanging out with Belle, Jasper, Monroe, and Harper." Octavia answered. "Come hang out with us." Octavia didn't wait for her to answer, gently taking ahold of Lexa's hand and tugging her toward the living room.

Lexa ended up squished between Monroe and Jasper, pressing against her fake boyfriend and a girl she hadn't seen in almost a year.

She and Monroe hadn't seen each other since their little fling last Christmas. It was hot and it probably would've lasted much longer if Monroe didn't have to go back to London for university. There wasn't much feelings there, though, it was purely friends with benefits kind of thing, which was fine for both of them, neither had the emotional capacity for a serious relationship and with Monroe studying abroad it definitely wouldn't have worked.

Lexa thought it was going to be awkward but it wasn't. Monroe was still Monroe, laughing at most things Lexa said, talking to Lexa like last Christmas hadn't happened, which was nice, Lexa didn't think she could handle another awkward situation.

"How is university going?" Monroe asked, pulling Lexa's attention away from the group conversation.

"Yeah, it's good. I mean, it's killing me but it's good." Lexa joked pulling a laugh from Monroe. "What about you? How's London?"

"Busy. But it's nice, being away from America for a while, it's completely different over there." Monroe shrugged. "You feel less... controlled over there. Like it's ok to have a different opinion from what the media is trying to force you to believe, you know?"

"Yeah, I remember when I was over I felt like you could hardly move with all the people." Lexa said. "It reminded me a lot of New York."

"Yeah, it is a little like New York." Monroe agreed, her hand coming to rest on Lexa's knee as she spoke. "The underground is just as bad as in New York."

"You take the underground?" Lexa arched her eyebrow disbelievingly.

"Well, no," Monroe laughed. "My roommate forced me to take it once, it was gross, I'm never doing it again."

"Yeah, I couldn't imagine you taking the underground." Lexa teased, grinning over at the woman. "You're too... proper."

"Proper?" Monroe huffed out a laugh, a sly little grin stretching across her lips. "Now, that's something you never used to call me."

"You never gave me incentive too back then but after seeing all those stories about you online it changed my mind about you."

"Huh, well maybe I should try and change your mind back."

"Yeah, and how do you plan on doing that?"

"I suppose you'll just have to wait and see." Monroe shrugged, a little smirk playing on her lips as she turned her attention back to the group.

It wasn't until Lexa notices Clarke glaring at them over her glass that she realised what was happening. The coy smiles, the fluttering eyelashes, the hand on her knee.

Monroe was flirting with her and Clarke was _jEakins_.

Lexa should feel bad, she should want to ease whatever it was niggling at Clarke, and she did feel a little bad but she also felt a little smug that Clarke was finally getting a taste of what she felt constantly.

Clarke knew about Monroe, that was one of the many things Octavia though she should mention when they were in Canada. Which was fine, Lexa didn't have anything to hide, she just wished Octavia would have ran it past her first.

When Lexa felt her phone buzz against her leg she knew exactly who it was.

' **She's flirting with you'**

Lexa felt her lips hook up into a smug little grin.

' _Monroe? Nah'_

' **Are you serious? She is all over you'**

"Lexa," Lexa's head snapped up to look at her father who was standing just behind the sofa behind Raven. He smiled sweetly at her, that smile that had Lexa's stomach churning. "Can I steal you away for a second?"

"Sure," Lexa nodded, using a hand on Jaspers knee to push herself to standing position.

"We are going out for dinner tomorrow," her dad informed when they were alone in the kitchen.

"Ok,"

"With Jeff and Clarke." Her dad added and Lexa now understood why he had pulled her in here. "Do you think you can behave yourself?"

"Yes, dad, I meant what I said before. Clarke's a friend, that's all." Lexa lied. "I just feel like if I was to spend time talking to her you would think there is something else going on."

"You don't have to be her friend, she is the same age as your sister, those two can be friends."

Lexa wanted to laugh at that, she had witnessed any and Clarke trying to have a conversation. It finished with Anya glaring at Clarke while Clarke shrunk into herself.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right."

"Good," Her dad gave her a stiff nod. "Now, why don't you go back out there, I'm sure Jasper is missing you." Lexa nodded and went to turn away but before she could her fathers hand wrapped tightly around her wrist. "And make _sure_  it is Jasper, not that Monroe girl, ok?"

Lexa swallowed, not turning to look at her father as she nodded. "I know,"

"Good girl."

Lexa felt her hands begin to shake as she headed back into the living room, whether that was out of fear or angry she wasn't really sure. She glanced over at Clarke as she sat down, forcing a smile when Clarke gave her a little nod, asking if she was ok. Lexa nodded but she could tell Clarke didn't believe her.

Jasper gave her shaking hand a little squeeze and leant over to whisper in her ear. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," Lexa whispered back, smiling thankfully at the boy when he gave her cheek a little peck and pulled back. Lexa figured that even if he didn't know exactly what was going on he knew _something_  was wrong but didn't want to push Lexa to talk about it, which she was thankful for.

\--

"What happened? A voice asked from behind Lexa, causing the woman to startle.

"You really shouldn't be in here," Lexa sighed, her cheek in her hand as she sat at the dinner table. She was exhausted, she really shouldn't wait for this to be over.

"Don't worry about that, what happened earlier?" Clarke asked, sitting down on the seat beside Lexa, her hand resting on the girls knee and for the first time since they got back from the beach Lexa felt her body relax. From that one, simple gesture Clarke managed to release hours of stress from Lexa's muscles.

"We are having dinner tomorrow. My dad just warned me to behave myself, than he warned me off Monroe."

"Should he have had to warn you off Monroe?" Clarke asked carefully.

"Clarke, I don't have it in me to deal with your jealousy right now." Lexa sighed, running her hands over her face.

"Hey," Clarke whispered, giving Lexa's leg a squeeze. "Did anything else happened?"

"No, I'm just exhausted."

"I wish there was something is could do,"

There was a sense of urgency and sadness in Clarke's voice that made Lexa's heart quiver. "You do help," Lexa assures, sliding her hand into Clarke's and squeezing. "Just being near you seems to calm me."

Lexa pushed her hand against her forehead, tilting her her to look at Clarke who was smiling softly at her, a look in her eyes that Lexa couldn't quite decipher.

"I really want to kiss you," Clarke confessed quietly, her eyes fluttering between Lexa's lips and her eyes.

"I really want you to,"

"But I shouldn't," Clarke didn't sound entirely convinced, glancing over Lexa's shoulder toward the door. The party had diminished significantly, most of the party goers having gone home or out partying in town, and Clarke knew Lexa's parents were in the gameroom-slash-bar.

"No,"

"I'm going to, though." Clarke informed, her eyes glued to the door over Lexa's shoulder as she moved closer to the girl.

"Okay,"

"Just a quick one,"

Lexa hummed in approval, her hand curling around the back of Clarke's neck as their lips met in a brief, lingering kiss. "I don't share," Clarke whispered against Lexa's lips and Lexa let out a strained chuckle.

"Get out of here before someone comes in."

"I'll see you tomorrow," Clarke flashed Lexa a somewhat reassuring smile before leaving Lexa on her own again.

It was another five minutes before Lexa heard someone walk into the dining room again. She glanced back, expecting to see Clarke standing in the doorway again.

It wasn't, it was Anya who was looking at her with a worried expression on her face.

"You ok, kiddo?"

Lexa bobbed her head, smiling sadly when Lexa gave her a look of disbelief. "I miss Lincoln."

"I know, I do too, but he's doing really well." Lexa assured, leaning the back of her thighs against the table.

"How do you know that?"

"I called up the place this morning. They didn't let me speak to him but they said he had gone through detox and now he was spending the rest of his time there learning how to deal with everything properly instead of drinking his problems away." Anya crossed her arms over her chest and chuckled humourlessly. "Maybe all three of us should've went, of love to see what they suggest on how to deal with this."

Lexa hummed, sliding her arms around Anya's waist as she stood up, resting her cheek against her sisters collarbone.

Anya have her sisters shoulders a little squeeze, kissing the crown on her head. "Hey, you aren't a teenager anymore. How does that feel?"

"The same," Lexa murmured, taking her fingers through her hair when she pulled back. "I'm exhausted."

"Another hour or so and you can go to bed," Anya have Lexa an encouraging smile, planing a kiss on her forehead before motioning toward the door. "We'd better get back out there."

"Thank you, Anya. I'm glad you aren't mad about the Clarke thing."

"I don't like it, and I don't like her," Anya wrapping her arm around Lexa's neck, pulling her closer as they walked. "But you were right last week, about is only having each other. I don't care if you kill someone, I'll always have your back kiddo, 'til the day I die."

"Don't say that," Lexa huffed, bumping Anya's hip with her own.

"You know what I mean, we're sisters, we gotta look out for each other."

"We do, and we will." Lexa smiled up at her sister.

"Good, now let's go to the game room so I can beat you at pool."

Lexa scoffed, "You haven't beaten me since I've been tall enough to see the table."

\--

Her dad didn't seem to watch her as vigilantly at dinner as she had expected considering Clarke was sitting directly across from her. She figured it probably had to do with the fact she spent so much time with Jasper last night and this morning.

Things also went as tense as Lexa thought it was going to be, her parents and Jeff seemed to be enjoying themselves, completely ignoring Lexa, Anya and Clarke. Lexa was completely fine with that.

What she wasn't _as_ fine with was what Clarke was wearing. It was an incredible sexy Jade green strapless dress that hugged Clarke's curves perfectly and stopped a bit above her knees. It took everything in Lexa to not just openly stare at her.

The first time it was an accident, she was purely trying to crack her knee when she stretched her leg out and her cold, bare toe touched Clarke's shin.

Clarke's head snapped up to her, her eyes narrowing at Lexa warningly.

The first time was an accident but all the times after that weren't. She stared at Clarke's ankle, gently running her toe along the bone there before moving up, ghosting her toe against the inside of Clarke's leg.

Clarke squirmed and Lexa expected her to sit up straighter to get away from Lexa's foot. She was surprised when she actually slid down her seat a little more. Lexa looked up at Clarke through her eyelashes, her lips twitching into a grin when Clarke arched her eyebrow challengingly at her.

Lexa slid a little further down too, absentmindedly pushing her food around her plate as she moved her foot up to Clarke's thigh, moving right up until her foot was just under the blondes dress, lingering there for a second then moving away.

She wanted to laugh when she noticed the way Clarke's jaw tensed in frustration.

She kept teasing Clarke, relishing in the way her frustration seemed to just grow, until her father standing up startled her out of the little bubble she and Clarke were in.

"I have to take this," he murmured, lifting his phone to his ear as he walked out of the room.

"So, Lexa," Jeff started.

"Hum?" Lexa hummed, pushing herself to sit more straight in her chair.

"Did you enjoy your birthday?"

"Yes, sir. It's really great being back here, I haven't been here in a while."

"It is a very nice place." Jeff said, and there was a tone to his voice that Lexa didn't like. It was like the tone someone would have when giving you a backhanded compliment.

"It is, it's like a childhood home."

"Hm."

Lexa tuned back out after that, one two minute conversation with someone as arrogant as Jeff was enough for her. She had no idea how Clarke could live with him.

Once dinner was over her parents and Jeff headed out to the back porch while Anya disappeared up stairs.

"Footsie? Really?"

"It was a accident," Lexa shrugged innocently. "At least at first, then I saw how you reacted."

"You are a tease."

"Me? Have you seen what you look like right now? I'm just thanking my lucky stars that I'm not a boy or my appreciation would be as clear as day."

Clarke laughed, perching herself up on the counter while Lexa made them coffee. "Well, that's the strangest compliment I've ever received."

"You're welcome."

Clarke smiled, dropping her eyes down to her hands, picking at the skin around her nails. "I'm sorry about how he acted earlier."

"It's nothing I can't handle," Lexa assured, pouring herself black coffee and pouring Clarke out her coffee before adding milk. "And it isn't your job to apologise for him." She said, handing Clarke her mug.

"I know but still," Clarke accepted the mug, wrapping her hands around it. "He was being passive aggressive."

"It's fine." Lexa leant against the counter beside Clarke, sipping at her coffee.

"Do you want to come over once we are back? Just one night Jeff isn't home." Clarke asked, side eyeing Lexa as she drank her coffee.

"Yeah, just let me know when."

"He will probably be at his office most of Monday and Tuesday. Come over after school?"

"That means I will have to do some homework."

"That's fine, I just want to spend time with you out of this stressful environment." Clarke said, rolling her eyes playfully. "It isn't all about sex, Lex."

"Could've fooled me." Lexa teased, grinning as she brought her mug up to her lips.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, the sex is incredible." Clarke drew out the last word. "But this much more than that."

"Good to know."

"I'm going to head out before they start wondering where I am," Clarke drained her mug, placing it in the sink. "But happy birthday, Lexa, hopefully next year is better."

"So long as you're there it will be."

"Smooth, Lex." Clarke grinned, gentle touching Lexa's arm, skimming her fingertips along her forearm as she walked away, leaving a grinning Lexa in her wake.


	10. Chapter 10

They fell into a system of sneaking into each other's houses whenever they were alone (it was mostly Clarke's house because sneaking into Lexa's house was dangerous and if Anya was home Clarke was skittish the entire time).

Lexa also felt a lot more at ease when they were at Clarke's.

She was home along on Christmas Eve, bent over her desk stressing out about school work because apparently she was the only one out of her entire family who didn't have plans.

Her phone rang just as she was getting to the meat of her essay. She blindly hit answer then the speaking button.

"Yeah?"

"Are you home alone?" Clarke asked and Lexa couldn't help but smile at her voice.

"Yeah, apparently I'm the only one out of my entire family who doesn't have plans on Christmas Eve." Lexa grumbled, stretching her arms above her head, attempting to roll out the link in her shoulder. "How sad is that?"

"How long will you be alone for?"

"A while I think," Lexa grinned. "Why?"

"I bought something and I wanted to show you it."

"Oh, yeah?" Lexa hummed, "What is it?"

"You'll just have to wait and see."

"Clarke," Lexa whined, "I don't like surprises."

"You'll like this one, I promise." There was a tone to Clarke's voice that told Lexa that she was most definitely going to like it. "I will be there soon."

Lexa focused back on her work when Clarke hung up, hoping to get some more work done before Clarke came over.

There was a knock on her door a half hour later. "Come in," she called distractedly.

"Lex,"

"Just a sec, babe." Lexa murmured, twirling her pen around her fingers and she stared at her laptop screen.

"Really?" Clarke huffed and Lexa felt herself being spun around. Whatever objects Lexa could even think of making died on the tip of her tongue when she was met with Clarke's breasts, just beardy covered by red, velvet looking fabric lined with white fluff. "Wow,"

"I mean, you can get back to your school work if you want."

"Um," Lexa coughed, her mouth suddenly dry as she ran her eyes down the length of Clarke's body. As well as the revealing bra Clarke was wearing a ridiculously short mini skirt and a black pair of thigh high stockings, held together with a pair of suspenders. The look was completely with a pair of satin red heel. "Wow."

Clarke smirked, hooking her finger under Lexa's chin and pulling her eyes up to her own. Clarke's perfectly curled hair was partially hidden under a Santa hat. "You're looking a little flushed there, Lex."

Lexa looked more than a little flushed, she looked stunned as Clarke sat on her lap, her legs bent either side of the brunette's waist.

"Merry Christmas, baby," Clarke purred against Lexa's ear, grabbing onto Lexa's hands when they slid up her thighs and went for her ass. "Nu huh," Clarke hummed, "These," Clarke snagged Lexa's earlobe between her teeth as she placed Lexa's hands on the leather of Lexa's desk chair. "Stay here. No touching, no talking. You do either of those things I stop, Understand?"

"Seriously?" Lexa squeaked, staring doe-eyed at Clarke when the blonde pulled back, a flare in her eyes that had Lexa's stomach twisting in excitement.

"Mhm." Clarke ran her finger down Lexa's neck, tugging on the collar of the red and white raglan shirt Lexa was wearing. "Now, do you understand?" Clarke repeated, holding her finger when Lexa opened her mouth to speak. "Ah ah, nod if you understand."

Lexa swallowed and nodded, her short nails digging into the arms of her chair as her eyes strayed back to Clarke's chest.

"Can I just say though," Clarke looked displeased at the fact Lexa was speaking but raised her eyebrows questioningly. "You look incredibly sexy."

"Thank you. And since it was a compliment I won't count that." Clarke smiled, her fingers hooking around the back of Lexa's neck as she pulled her into a tender kiss. The kiss didn't stay tender for long, though, and Lexa felt her fingers twitch as Clarke deepened the kiss, grinding her hips down against Lexa's.

"Clarke," Lexa panted against Clarke's lips, her head falling back against the chair when Clarke began kissing down her neck.

"Arms up," Lexa obliged quickly, allowing Clarke to easily pull her shirt over her head. Lexa's hands came down to rest on Clarke's thighs before she had really registered her mistake, whining when Clarke slid off of her lap.

"It was an accident, Clarke." She probably looked pathetic, all but begging like this, but anyone would be if they had a woman like Clarke dressed up like this purely for them.

"We had a deal," Clarke sing-singed, bending over at the waist to pick up a brown trench coat from the floor (Lexa figured that she had probably been wearing it on the way over), giving Lexa a great view of her ass.

It took everything Lexa had, every little piece of energy in every one of Lexa's cells, to not just launch herself at Clarke. She knew Clarke meant business and breaking her rules again would only result in more teasing.

Clarke folded the jacket and sat it on the bed before strutting back over to Lexa, bracing her hands on the arm of the chair, bending over so that she was eye level with Lexa. "You ready to go again?" Clarke smirked, dropping down to her knees in front of Lexa.

Lexa nodded sharply, staring doe-eyed at Clarke as the smug looking woman leant forward, pressing a kiss to Lexa's toned stomach.

Clarke kissed her way down Lexa's stomach, curling her fingers around the waistband of Lexa's sweats and underwear. "Lift your hips for me."

Lexa arched up off the chair without a seconds thought, allowing Clarke to pull down her sweats and underwear before kicking them off fully.

"Atta girl," Clarke threw Lexa's leg over her shoulder, playfully nipping at the inside of her thigh, smirking when Lexa let out a little squeak. "I didn't think you would've been able to keep quiet." Clarke teased her way down Lexa's thigh until her mouth was positioned over her core. Lexa's fingers dug harder into the arms of her chair in anticipation. "I'm impressed."

Lexa almost caved with the first touch of Clarke's tongue to her centre, her fingers twitching to reach out and tangle on her blonde locks. But she used ever shred of willpower she had to keep her hands planted firmly on the arms of the chair but her leg did tighten around Clarke's back, drawing the girl closer.

Lexa, to her credit, managed to keep quiet and keep her hands to herself, even as her orgasm hit and her body arched up off the chair, her teeth biting down hard on her bottom lip.

Clarke pushed herself up on her knees as Lexa sagged against the chair, grinning at the younger girls blown pupils and hooded eyes.

"Can I speak now?" Lexa panted and Clarke laughed, pecking her on the lips.

"You may,"

Lexa smiled lazily, sliding her hands around to the base of Clarke's back. "That was amazing."

"I'm glad you thought so," Clarke was smug, that much was obvious, as she wiped her mouth of her upper arm. "I just wanted to see you, I know I probably won't see you until the Blake's new year party."

"I will see you at some point between Christmas and new year, my parents are doubly busy this time of year."

"I might not be able to sneak away from Jeff, though." Clarke explained, watching her fingers as they ran down the middle of Lexa's stomach.

"Speaking of him, he didn't get to see this, did he?"

"No," Clarke chuckled. "I got this solely for you, he is never going to see it."

"Good," Lexa slid her hand around the back of Clarke neck and pulled her in for a kiss. "You look amazing."

"It's all for you, Lex." Clarke pecked Lexa on the lips a few times before pulling back. "I should go, though, I don't want to be here when your parents get back, especially dressed like this."

Lexa nodded solemnly, watching Clarke as she stood up and walked over to the bed to pick up her jacket.

Lexa slid her sweats on as Clarke pulled her jacket on, reaching down for her shirt just as Clarke wrapped her arms around her waist.

"I have something for you."

"This is more than enough," Lexa slid her arms around Clarke's neck.

"This is not going to be your only Christmas present." Clarke rolled her eyes, reaching into her pocket and fishing out a little brown box. "Again, what do you get a girl who has everything?"

Lexa rolled her eyes and wiggled off the lid of the box, smiling at the framed photo of her, Anya, Lincoln and Aurora that was staring back at her.

"I thought about getting one of us but then I remembered you couldn't actually put it up so," Clarke motioned toward the photo.

"It's perfect, thank you. I don't have a lot of photos of the three of us." Lexa smiled gratefully, pulling Clarke in for a kiss. "I will get your present too."

Lexa pulls her shirt over her head once she say the box down on the table, pulling open her left middle drawer of her desk.

"What does every good doctor need?" Lexa questioned as she pulled out a black, elongated box.

Clarke narrowed her eyes at Lexa, knowing exactly what was in the box. Sure enough, when she opened up the box there was a red stethoscope, a stethoscope Clarke has looked at in university but never bought because it was almost five hundred dollars. It was an electric stethoscope, one that had a little screen that showed the patients heart rates and also stored the results on a memory card that can be inserted into a little USB drive.

Clarke picked up the chest piece and flipped it over to get a look at the screen, smiling when she noticed 'Dr Clarke Griffin. Ph.D. M.D., D.O., M.B.B.S.' Engraved around the outside.

"This is amazing, thank you."

"For when you decide you want to get back out there, you know? You are ready now and that's fine but when you are, you have this."

Clarke smiled at that, "Walk me to my car?"

"Of course," Lexa agreed, slipping away from Clarke and into her closet, emerging a few seconds later with a handful of clothes. "Here, put there on, I don't want you going home and having Jeff see you in this." Lexa handed Clarke a pair of sweats and her Miami Dolphins jersey.

Clarke laughed, slipping out of her shoes and handing them to Lexa before sliding on the clothes.

"How's Lincoln doing?" She asked, leaning back against Lexa's room door.

"Yeah, he is so much better now, he hasn't drank since he left the program, and his relationship seems to be back on track, too." Lexa smiled, pushing herself up against Clarke, trapping the blonde between her body and the door.

"That's good." Clarke hummed, her hands cupping Lexa's jaw. "I hope you have a good Christmas."

"You, too." Lexa allowed Clarke to pull her in for a kiss, humming contently as she pulled back. "Only you could make sweats and a football jersey look sexy."

"Let's go, dork." Clarke planted a kiss on Lexa's nose before gently pushing her away, leading the younger girl out of the room.

"So, for Easter, are you going to show up in a sexy bunny costume?"

* * *

 

The Blake's New Years party was busy and loud and Lexa would usually love that, it meant her parents were paying less attention to her, but it also meant more people so she couldn't sneak away with Clarke for a New Years kiss.

Which was fine, as I turned out, her parents were on a plane to somewhere on the east coast as soon as the party was over and Jeff had some kind of business dinner the next day so they made plans to hang out then.

"It is kind of like Romeo and Juliet," Clarke commented as she and Lexa laid in bed, both naked with Clarke's thin sheet pooled around the blondes waist.

"Dude, no." Lexa scrunched her face up in disgust, her fingertips running down Clarke's spine. "Have you read that story?"

"Have _you_?"

"Don't act so surprised, Griff, I may be a spoilt brat but I'm still somewhat cultured."

"That's not what I meant," Clarke pinched Lexa's arm lightly before running her fingertips down the skin there. "It just doesn't seem like your kind of thing."

"Did my heart love till now?" Lexa began, flipping them over so she was on top of Clarke, stroking her fingertips down the blonde's cheek. "Forswear it, sight. For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."

"Are you quoting Shakespeare to me?" Clarke whispered, and, ok, if Lexa knew all she had to do was quote Romeo and Juliet to get Clarke to look at her like _that_  she would have done it weeks ago.

"The sweetest honey is loathsome in its own deliciousness," Lexa breathed, lowering her head to suck at the skin at Clarke's pulse point, grinning when she could feel Clarke's blood thump against her lips. "And in the taste destroys the appetite." Lexa nibbled on the skin just under Clarke's ear before skimming her nose around the shell of her ear, a breathy laugh escaping her throat when she ran her palms down Clarke's sides and she arched up against her. "Therefore love is moderately."

"You are full of surprises," Clarke laughed breathlessly.

"And so are you. Who knew you were hot for Shakespeare?"

"It's not so much Shakespeare," Clarke gripped onto Lexa's hair, pulling her up to kiss her. "More so the fact you know it well enough to actually quote it to me."

"Ah, so intelligence is your thing." Lexa smirked, trapping Clarke's lips in between her teeth and gently tugged before planting a kiss on Clarke's nose. "Don't waste your love on somebody who doesn't value it."

Clarke smiled softly, her hands moving to Lexa's lower back, her fingertips tracing the bumps of Lexa's spine. "Do you value it?"

Lexa licked her lips, her eyes bouncing between Clarke's for a few seconds before she nodded. "More than I though I would have."

Clarke grinned, pushing herself up onto her elbows to kiss Lexa. "I can't believe you quoted Shakespeare, that's not very badass of you."

"Just because I'm a badass doesn't mean I can't read one of the greatest works of literacy ever written, Griff."

Clarke opened her mouth to reply but it snapped closed again when she heard the front door bang closed.

"Clarke?"

"Shit," Clarke pushed Lexa off of her and scrambled off the bed. "Hide,"

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously. Unless you want him to manhandle you out of here and take you to your father."

"What a fucking cliche," Lexa grumbled, quickly picking up her shirt before Clarke shoved her into the walk-in closet. "I worked for years to get out of here."

"Oh, shut up." Clarke huffed, pecking Lexa quickly on the lips. "Stay here, he probably won't be home for long."

"Clarke?"

"Coming," Clarke called to Jeff, who sounded significantly closer than before.

"You would've been if he hadn't shown up,"

"Don't make promises you might not be able to keep," Clarke grinned, winking at Lexa.

Lexa didn't have time to reply before the door to the closet was slammed in her face

'Probably won't be home long' turned into almost three hours.

For the first little while Lexa just laid on her back staring blankly at the ceiling wondering when the hell her life turned into a teen drama. After that she decided to text Octavia, who thought the turn of events was fucking hilarious if the multiple laughing and middle finger emojis were anything to go by and by the time Clarke came to get her she was twenty levels deep on a game called hocus (a game she had only downloaded because it was top rated).

"God, I thought I was going to die in here for sure, I almost chewed off my own leg." Lexa groaned dramatically but her teasing attitude disappeared almost instantly when Clarke pushed her up against the closet door and kissed her.

"What's wrong?" Lexa asked but Clarke just muttered 'nothing' before kissing her again. And Lexa let her for a little while before spinning them around, pushing Clarke's back against the door and pinning her their with her hips, her fingers sliding through Clarke's before she pinned her hands against the wood. "Not that I don't love this but I know something is up. What happened?"

"He just- he frustrates me. We are married and he pays no fucking attention to me and it shouldn't bother me ." Clarke snapped. "It didn't until you showed up and showed me how I should really be treated."

"Do you want him to treat you better?"

"I suppose, I don't know." Clarke shrugged, her arms falling around Lexa's neck when she released her hands.

"Then maybe you should talk to him, that might save your marriage."

Clarke's eyebrows furrowed together and, honestly, Lexa can't really blame her for being confused. "Are you giving me marital advice while you have me pressed up against a door and have my lipstick smeared all over your lips?"

"I just-" Lexa shrugged, taking a few steps away from Clarke until the blondes arms fell to her side. "I want you to be happy and if saving your marriage is what would make you happy then I'm down with that."

"You're down with that?" Clarke grinned challengingly, raising her eyebrows skeptically as she took a few steps closer to Lexa.

"I wouldn't be happy about it, obviously, I would be gutted but I would rather you happy."

Clarke grin eased into a soft smile, her fingers wrapping around the lapels of Lexa's shirt and tugged her closer. "He doesn't make me happy, not really."

"You know you could talk to me, right? Like, if you ever wanted to stop this you could just tell me."

"That is the furthest from what I want."

Lexa bobbed her head, smiling when Clarke playfully nipped at her lower lip.

"Okay?"

"Okay," Lexa hummed.

"Okay. Now, where were we?"

"You were getting all hot and bothered over Shakespeare quotes." Lexa grinned.

"Ah, you were showing me how much you love a good old tragic love story."

"Honey, Romeo and Juliet is the further thing from a love story." Lexa quickly pecked Clarke on the lips. "What was he doing home?"

"Something about the guy he was meeting for dinner turned out to be a kid, no older than me." Clarke rolled her eyes. "I read the kids proposal, it was genius and he's turned it down because of how old he was. It's ridiculous. But I don't want to talk about him, I distinctly remember you making a bold statement before I locked you in the closet."

"You say that like it wasn't just four hours ago that I had you _begging_  me not to stop." Lexa smirked, playfully licking at Clarke's top lip before pushing her away. "But if you feel like you could go for another round," Lexa held up her hands indifferently as she back-pedalled toward the bed, a challenging smirk playing on her lips. "Come at me."

* * *

"You know, I forgot how much I hate this state." Octavia grumbled as she and Lexa strolled down the boardwalk at Long Beach.

"Where did that come from?" Lexa laughed, side stepping around the man peddling towards them.

"The people here just bug me. They're so arrogant." Octavia growled at the man who bumped into her as he passed, proclaiming loudly. "Up their own asses, you know?"

"Behave," Lexa warned with a laugh, pinching Octavia's side. "So where would you rather be?"

"Somewhere in wester Europe, France, ideally." Octavia sighed.

"I'm thinking about leaving." Lexa blurted out, gaining a raised eyebrow from Octavia.

"Leaving? What do you mean leaving?"

"I want to get away from here, I can't take it anymore. I'm thinking about just taking off to Canada. There is a wolf conservation up near Banff park, I think I'm going to go up and speak to them, see if they will take me."

Octavia frowned in confusion, "What about your siblings? Clarke?"

"My siblings will understand, I'm not going to tell them, plausible deniability, but I know they'll understand." Lexa sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than Octavia. "And Clarke. I think I'm about asking her to come with me."

"And what makes you think Clarke might go with you?"

"She knows how much I like her." Lexa shrugged.

"What if that's not enough?" Octavia whispered cautiously.

"It has to be,"

"Why?"

"Because it's all I have, O."

"But that might not be enough, Lexa," Octavia sighed, gripping onto Lexa's wrist as she stopped walking, pulling the woman round to look at her. "You have to consider that."

"Why wouldn't it be enough?" Lexa asked pleadingly, begging Octavia not to give her a reason for it not to be enough. She knew she would and, deep down, that's something she loved about Octavia. She never sugarcoated anything.

"You leave and you're not rich anymore, you're going to get cut off. I'm not saying Clarke is a gold digger but she's knows what it's like not to have money and now she has all the money she could ever want. I can take a lot for someone to give that up."

"She doesn't love him," Lexa argued timidly.

"That doesn't matter, she never did love him, Woody." Octavia give Lexa a sympathetic look. "She might leave with you but you need to prepare yourself in case she says no."

Lexa nodded solemnly, rubbing her hand up her arm self consciously.

"But I'm proud of you for thinking about doing this, you won't be happy here and if you think that moving to Canada could make you happy then I support you."

"Thanks," Lexa fished her phone out of her pocket, quickly glancing at the time. "I've gotta get going, I'm meeting Jasper for our weekly date."

Octavia laugh, slinging her arm around Lexa's shoulder, turning them around to head back to their cars. "Young love, eh?"

"Bite me, Blake."

* * *

 She met Jasper at The Magic Castle an hour later, smiling at how much healthier the boy seemed to be from the last time Lexa had seen him.

"You look good," she complimented as they sat down beside each other, smiling thankfully at the waitress as she sat their menus in front of them.

"Thanks, I feel good." Jasper smiled.

"Oh, that's a smile I'd recognise anywhere!" Lexa grinned, gripping onto Jaspers arm as she leant in closer to him. "Who is she?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jasper bummed, squeaking in pain when Lexa pinched his arm. "Ouch. Ok, jeez." He huffed. "Her name's Maya."

"Maya? Maya who?"

"You don't know her, her dad works for my dad, she started working at my place recently, she looks after the horses." Jasper grinned bashfully. "I really like her, Lex."

"Then go for it, Jasper."

"My dad would freak," Jasper huffed out a sarcastic laugh. "Dating the help? Not his son."

"Then don't tell him but if she could make you happy don't jeopardise it."

"Yeah, maybe." Jasper muttered, skimming his eyes over the menu.

They ordered and spoke about their Christmas and new year before they realised that they both had a miserable time and decided to talk about Supergirl instead.

"I'm thinking about leaving," Lexa said when their food was set down in front of them.

Jasper's head cocked to the side, a chunk of chicken clamped between his teeth and Lexa smiled at that, raising her eyebrows at the boy prompting him to chew on and swallow his food. "Leaving?"

"Yeah. Canada, I think, I'm not really sure yet. I just don't want to be here anymore."

Jasper nodded, struggling to swallow his chicken. "Ok, Canada, cool." He said, his confusion clear in his voice. "What about Clarke?"

""I'm going to ask her to come with me."

"Ok," Jasper nodded. "So things are going good with you both?"

"Yeah, we are good." Lexa nodded, cutting into her stake. "I'm just worried, you know? I don't know how this is going to end and that terrifies me. I don't even know if she will agree to come with me."

"Do you love her?" Jasper asked around a mouth full of food.

"I think I could,"

"Then go for it, dude. Life is to short to be living it like you are. Tell her how you feel, tell her you want to leave, tell her you both could be happy away from this toxic town and these nasty people." Jasper preached. "You deserve that. Both of you."

"I don't think it's that simple." Lexa sighed. "She might not want to leave with me."

"You won't know until you put yourself out there." Jasper patted Lexa's leg. "And if she says no then you move on. It'll be hard and it'll fucking hurt but you'll get over it eventually."

Lexa gnawed on her lip thoughtfully.

"Besides, you're ridiculously hot, wolves won't be the only thing that will be clawing for your attention."

Lexa laughed, nudging Jasper's shoulder with her own. "Shut up, dork."

Jasper grinned, taking a sip of his drink through a straw. "When are you seeing her again?"

"Not until the end of the month, apparently January is a dry month for business." Lexa rolled her eyes. "We still talk every day it just sucks not getting to see her for weeks at a time."

"Yeah, I can imagine." Jasper sighed, offering Lexa a bite of his chicken. "But absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

"'Course not, it blows not getting to see the one person you want to spend all your time with."

"Preach," Lexa huffed, leaning back in her chair.

"Love sucks, sista."

"You want to come hang out at my place for a couple of hours? We can watch the new Starwars film."

"Girl after my own heart." Jasper grinned, planting a kiss on Lexa's cheek.

* * *

 Lexa and Clarke ended up not seeing each other again until the first Saturday in February, which had drove both of them crazy.

Which was why the garage door was barely closed before Clarke had Lexa pinned against her car, her hips pinned against Lexa's and her lips seeking out the younger girls needly.

Lexa's body was aching by the time they finally finished (which was after the forth round), both of them collapsing onto Lexa's bed, a thin sheet of sweat covering both of their bodies.

Lexa leant her head on Clarke's shoulder as Clarke took a gulp of the water.

"I missed you," Lexa whispered against Clarke's collarbone.

"You mean you missed my body." Clarke quipped.

"Mostly, but I missed you a little, too."

"You're a dick," Clarke huffed.

"I'm your favourite dick." Lexa pressed a kiss to Clarke's cheek.

"Well, you aren't wrong."

Lexa laughed gruffly, cuddling down against Clarke.

"Tell me about your first girlfriend?" Clarke requested in little more than a whisper, her fingers tracing the scars on Lexa's back.

"Ok," Lexa hummed. "Her name was Costia, we met at a school bonfire. I went to a private school but not everyone who was there was rich, Costia was one of the few people who wasn't rich . She was there on scholarship and her mom had some dirt on the Dean. She was a nice girl, a little tomboy-ish, very mischievous, but no one gave her a chance because she couldn't afford nice clothes or a decent car. It fucking sucked but that's just how things worked, to be on top you had to have the best car, the most expensive clothes, the coolest stuff, and I did, I had everything. We were on two completely opposite spectrums of the social ladder. I wouldn't have even know she existed if Bellamy hadn't accidentally backhanded her during the party. She flipped out on him, yelling at him, telling him to watch what the fuck he was doing and just because his daddy could afford a good plastic surgeon doesn't mean everyone else's could." Lexa chuckled, "I found her after she wandered off, sitting down at the waters edge, her eyes were already turning purple and she told me to fuck off."

"Did you?"

"I was going too, I gave her the drink I brought her, told her that even with eyes like a raccoon she was still pretty, then I got up to leave. She called me back, though and I suppose the rest is history."

"Was it a good relationship?"

"It was great. No one really understood why I hung out with her but they didn't question me either, they knew better than to get on the bad side of a Woods."

"Why did it end?"

"My dad paid her off, offered her half a million to dump me, and she took it. I spent the summer after that getting beatings and spending nights on end locked away in my room and she just didn't show up to school the following year." Lexa laughed bitterly. "We were together for ten months and that's what our relationship was worth to her."

"Jeez, that's sucks."

"He would probably do the same to you, too. If he found out." Lexa sighed, rolling on to Clarke, pressing her forehead against her chest. "In the ten months we were together she didn't make me feel half of what you have in three."

"I would never take your fathers money."

"I didn't think Costia would either."

"I will just have to prove it to you then, won't I." Clarke grinned, rolling Lexa onto her back and playfully nibbling at her neck. "Can I shower?"

"Mm, I suppose so." Lexa hummed, smiling softly up at Clarke when she pulled back, her hands skimming over the bare skin covering her hips bones, round to the little dimples on the base of Clarke's back. "But only because we've been in bed all day."

"Thank you for allowing me to leave," Clarke teased, giving Lexa's bottom lip a little nip before rolling off of her, picking up Lexa's green, plaid shirt and throwing it on, buttoning the button just over her breasts and leaving the rest undone.

Lexa rolled onto are stomach, her eyes not leaving Clarke as she rounded the bed, making her way toward Lexa's en suit.

Lexa's eyes ran down Clarke's back, over her ass and down at bare legs.

"Seriously?" Lexa slowly lifted her eyes to Clarke's when the woman spoke, a little grin appearing on her face as she peered up Clarke, resting her chin on the mattress while Clarke leant her shoulder against the doorframe.

"What?" Lexa asked innocently.

"We just spent the entire day have sex and you're still looking at me like you want another round."

"Princess, when there is a pretty girl dressed in your clothes you don't just ignore them." Lexa said, folding her arms under her chin.

Clarke smiled softly, sauntering back over to the bed and crouched down beside it, resting her chin in the bed beside Lexa's face. "You gotta stop saying stuff like that."

"Why?" Lexa whispered, lifting her head to kiss Clarke slowly, almost growling when Clarke pulled back.

"You will make me not want to go home."

"So don't." Lexa said simply, chasing Clarke's lips when the blonde started to pull back. "My 'rents aren't due back until the weekend."

Clarke caught Lexa when the girl almost tumbled out of bed in her attempt to kiss her, her hands splaying flat against the skin of Lexa's lower back, holding the younger girl against her.

"What?" Lexa breathed when Clarke just stared at her. Lexa didn't like the look in the woman's eyes, though, a longing look, a look that had Lexa worried that Clarke was about to tell her she was done, that they were over.

"I just want to get back into bed and lounge around with you for the rest of the week."

"Then let's do that," Lexa tugged at the collar of the shirt Clarke was wearing.

"I want too but Jeff gets back tonight and I have to be there for him getting home." Clarke sighed, burying her face in Lexa's neck.

"I'm thinking about leaving," Lexa whispered against the side of Clarke's head.

"Leaving?" Clarke frowned, pulling back to look at Lexa. "Where? When?"

"Canada, I think. I was looking at a conservation in British Columbia, I think I'm going to go up and have a look, see if they will take me." Lexa explained, "Come with me?"

"To see the place?"

"No, when I leave. Come with me, we can live in Canada. I've been siphoning money out of my trust fund for months now because I know as soon as I leave they are going to shut it down. I have a little under seven hundred and fifty thousand, that will keep us going for a little bit."

"I- are you serious?"

"Of course.

"I don't-I'm not sure I can." Clarke murmured, taking a step away from Lexa.

"What do you mean you're not sure you can?" Lexa frowned. "You don't _need_  him anymore, your mom is better."

"That's not the point, Lexa." Clarke huffed, grabbing her underwear and jeans from the floor. "You can't expect me to drop everything and follow you to Canada on some half baked plan."

"What do you _have_  to drop?" Lexa snapped. "Raven? She's on a different continent most of the time anyway. Just admit that you don't wanna leave the safety blanket of his money."

"You're being a jerk." Clarke grumbled, yanking her underwear up her legs before turning the legs of her jeans the correct way.

"You realise that as soon as you're thirty he's going to drop you, right? At that age you will be to old for him."

"God, fuck you, Lexa." Clarke growled, rounding the bed to snatch her phone and car keys.

"Where are you going?"

"Home, Lexa, I don't need to be here and have tear me down like that." Clarke snapped, marching over to the bedroom door, spinning back around before she left, pointing over at Lexa. "It's unpractical to think someone could just turn their life upside down for you."

"I obviously overestimated how much we actually meant to each other."

"This has _nothing_  to do with how much we mean to each other, Lex-"

"No, it has everything to do with that. If I meant as much to you as you mean to me you would come with me." Lexa growled, stretching out on her front on her bed, tucking her arm under her head. "You know where the door is."

Lexa felt Clarke hover in the doorway for a few seconds, as if deciding if she wanted to stand and fight or leave. She chose the latter, slammed Lexa's door behind her.

Lexa released a shaky breath when she heard the garage doors rattle open, stuffing her face into her pillow. Her fingers were itching for her phone already, she had a strong urge to phone Clarke and apologise for being a raging fuckwitt. But she didn't, because she was an idiot and her pride was one of the few things she actually _had_.

Instead she called Octavia who came over without any kind of hesitate, stalling in her doorway when she noticed Lexa appeared to be naked, her scarred, bare back sticking out from the thin sheet that was covering her from the lower back down.

"Was this a booty call?" Octavia asked carefully, and Lexa didn't even have to look at her to know she was grinning.

Lexa rolled over, her legs still tangled in her sheets as she pushed herself up onto her elbows. "If you want it to be."

Octavia chewed on her lip, toeing off her shoes and striding over to Lexa's bed, kneeling on the edge and lowering herself slowly over the woman, kissing her fully on the lips when she was close enough.

Lexa kissing back hungrily, her hands winding into Octavia's hair, yanking her closer. "You and Raven?"

"Not official. What happened?" Octavia murmured against Lexa's lip, groaning when Lexa bit down on her bottom lip before smoothing it over with her tongue.

"Nothing."

"This isn't nothing, the last time-" Octavia's words trailed off into a breathy moan when Lexa sucked on the skin covering her pulse point. "The last time you were like this Costia had really hurt you."

"I don't wanna talk about it," Lexa grumbled, rolling them over and pinning Octavia to the mattress, linking their fingers together.

"Woody, you can't just fuck someone and expect all your problems to just go away."

"Why not? You did it for seven months."

"Which makes me lead authority on how shitty it is." Octavia said, running her thumb along the outside of Lexa's hand. "If this is what you wanna do that cool, I want to show you the European thing anyway, but after we have to talk. Deal?"

"Deal," Lexa promised and she followed through with it, after Octavia showed her a couple of the things she had learnt in Europe. Twice. Then let Lexa try it out on her.

"I feel used, like some kind of booty call hoe." Octavia commented and Lexa laughed against the back of her head, drawing her in closer. "What happened, Woody?"

"She told me no," Lexa whispered against Octavia's hair. "I asked her to leave and she said no. Then I was a total jerk to her and she left."

"Then why didn't you call her instead of me?"

"I just wanted to a no strings attached kind of thing,"

"You can't keep doing this, though." Octavia stressed, snuggling back against Lexa, her arms wrapping around one of Lexa's. "Not that it isn't always a good time it just isn't a healthy way of dealing with things."

"It's just-"

"What?" Octavia pushed when Lexa trailed off.

"You are the one girl I know would never hurt me, that comes with a kind of comfort I've never had with anyone else."

"Are you saying I make you feel safe?" Octavia teased and Lexa could feel her grin against her arm.

"I suppose."

"I get that you're upset she won't go but you have to understand why."

"I don't. There's nothing here for her, O."

"Financial security. Something that, as much as you wish you could, you couldn't provide her with if you both took off."

"I just thought other things were more important than that."

"You can afford to think like that, you've never grown up without the security of money, Clarke has, she knows what it's like to be poor and I doubt she wants to go back to that." Octavia reasoned, running her fingers up and down Lexa's forearm. "She won't leave with you, Lex, you have to let it go."

"Yeah, I'm understanding that now," Lexa sighed, her hand splaying out across Octavia's stomach. "When do you have to leave?"

"Not until the morning," Octavia answered, turning onto her back and Lexa pushed herself up onto her elbow. "But we should put some clothes on before your siblings come home."

"Mm, good idea."

Octavia slide her hand up Lexa's neck, running her thumb along Lexa's jaw, pushing herself up to kiss Lexa quickly. "You'll find someone, Clarke just wasn't that someone."

Lexa nodded, quickly pecking Octavia on the lips before rolling out of bed, picking up her sweats. "I'm sorry I called you over for this, I know you have Raven now."

"That isn't official. Yet."

"Then make it official," Lexa said, glancing up at Octavia before searching for her shirt. "You are obviously into her."

"Yeah, maybe." Octavia hummed, walking over to Lexa's wardrobe, disappearing inside for a few seconds before reemerging with a pair of Lexa's sweats, one of her old shirts and a towel. "I'm showering."

"Ok, cool." Lexa huffed, it finally dawning on her that Clarke had left wearing her shirt.

She dug out a different shirt, ignoring Clarke's shirt that was thrown over her desk chair, and headed to the shower down the hall.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't like this chapter but I've tried to write it over and over and this just seems to be the best I can come up with. I'm sorry for the wait and I'm sorry for the quality

They didn't speak for a month after that night. Lexa had pulled up Clarke's name multiple times and began typing out an apology, she always ended up deleting it, thought, because Octavia was right, Clarke wasn't going to leave with her, she obviously didn't feel as strongly as Lexa did so she had to let it go.

That didn't mean she wasn't pissed when Atom began talking shit about Clarke.

They were at some kind of gathering, at this point Lexa would just show up, she didn't really listen to what each of them was for, and she was sitting in a lounge type area with Octavia, Atom, Jasper, Bellamy and Monroe when Atom decided he wanted to try and show off by running is mouth about the wife of one of the most powerful men at the party.

"She's a tramp, she will fuck anything that walks, and things that won't of her husband is anything to go by." Atom said, grinning at the group while Lexa tried her best to calm herself down. "She is practically a hooker, right? Fucking that old guy for his money. Whore."

Lexa honestly can't remember standing up or hitting Atom all she knows is that Atom was on the floor clutching his nose, her hand was aching, and all eyes in the room were on them.

There are people watching them, people with cameras, but Lexa wasn't about to back down when Atom got in her face.

"If you have broken my nose I'm going to sue your ass." He warned.

"Of course you are, your entire family is fucking broke anyway, need every little bit of money you can get, don't you?"

Atom surged toward Lexa, gripping onto the collar of her shirt but before he could do anything Jasper and Octavia had shoved him off and Raven and Clarke, who had appeared out of nowhere, grabbed onto his shoulders to keep him in place. "Are you all fucking serious? She attacked me!"

"You were being an asshole." Monroe commented disinterestedly.

"How was I being an asshole? It's true, she is a gold digging tramp."

Lexa went for Atom again but this time Octavia was quick enough at catch her. "Ok, let's get you out of here, Rambo."

"If that's the way you talk about women no wonder your mom left." It was a low blow, judging by the stunned silence that surrounded them, and Lexa almost regretted saying it.

 _Almost_.

She and Atom just stared at each other, each daring the other to make a move, but before either one of them could a hand clasped tightly onto Lexa's shoulder and she paled, her blood seemingly running cold in her veins. "Let's get you home to have a look at that hand." Her dad said, loud enough for the group to hear and Lexa swallowed, nodding her head obediently.

Lexa hazard a glance at Clarke to see the woman looking at her with a look of despair mixed with something that looked like fear.

Lexa was glad her siblings weren't home because she knows how horrible it is to listen to the begging for it to stop, the sound of overly expensive leather on skin, the particularly pained cries when the belt bucket would hit one of their ribs. She hates having to sit there when it's Anya or Lincoln, knowing there's nothing she can do to help.

She was also glad that this time she didn't have a bruise to cover up on her face, but she would have to wear high collar shirts since the belt bucket had made contact with her collarbone, leaving a nasty bump and bruise there. She counted herself lucky that it missed her jaw.

She slept for hours that night, on her front with her shirt off and her balcony doors open, trying to cool the red hot pain across her back.

She probably would have slept longer if something touching her face didn't startled her awake. "Please," she whimpered before she could stop herself. She didn't think she could deal with much more.

"Sh, it's ok."

Lexa peered through the darkness to see Clarke crouched beside her bed.

"Clarke?" Lexa frowned, her voice rough and cracking. "What are you doing here?"

"We wanted to check up on you,"

"We?"

"Yeah, Octavia and Raven are here, too." Clarke explained. "Turn the light on."

Lexa was about to object, make up something about her being naked but Octavia bet her to it, she would've known the state Lexa was in, she had dealt with it multiple times. "That's probably not a good idea,"

Clarke frowned, fishing her phone from her jacket pocket and turning on the flashlight.

"Fucking hell," Raven murmured when the light hit Lexa's back and Lexa heard Octavia squeak.

"Lexa," Clarke breathed, and Lexa is pretty sure there was a heaviness in her voice that usually came when someone was fighting the urge to cry.

"It's fine, they'll heel."

"No, Lexa, you don't get it." Octavia said. "It's really bad this time."

" _This_  time?" Raven snapped but no one answered her.

"I'll go get wet towels." Octavia left quickly to find the towels and Clarke ran her hand through Lexa's hair.

"They told me why you hit Atom." Clarke whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"S'not your fault, he deserved it."

"He might've deserved it but you must've known this would happen."

"I actually thought I was going to come off worse," she said with a crooked little smile.

"This isn't ok, Lexa. Some of these are going to scar."

"I embarrassed him in front of everyone." Lexa said, her eyelids fluttering when Clarke ran her finger calmingly down the side of her face. "I don't regret hitting Atom but I regret where I did it."

Octavia came in then with two dripping wet towels.

"What are those going to do?" Clarke asked, stepping back when Octavia moved closer to Lexa's bed.

"Her back will be on fire, this will calm it down, it's all we can really do."

Lexa hissing in pain when Octavia carefully laid the towels over her back but when the initial pain wore off and the cold water began cooling the burning wounds she sighed. "God, that feels good."

"Do you want painkillers?" Octavia asked, smoothing down Lexa's hair.

"Can't, they fuck with my meds."

"Who cares right now, Woody, this must hurt."

"It's fine, they aren't any worse than usual." Lexa assured, tucking the arm that wasn't sore under her head. "I just need to sleep a little more, when I wake up I will be good. Where are my parents?"

Octavia looked like she wanted to argue but she knew it was useless, Lexa didn't accept help even when she needed it.

"They're in Sacramento," Clarke answered when no one else did.

"Ok, why don't you guys go chill out in the den, I will come down after I've gotten some sleep."

"Lexa," Octavia tried to argue but Lexa cut her off.

"Please don't make a big deal about it, I will be fine."

Octavia sighed but didn't argue, standing up straight and leaving.

Lexa thought everyone had left with her so when she felt the bed dip beside her she startled again.

"I hate that you're so jumpy." Clarke whispered, lying down beside Lexa, tentatively and carefully kissing Lexa when she turned to look at her. "I didn't know it was this bad."

"I think he chipped my collarbone."

"Do you want me to have a look?"

Lexa shook her head, threading her fingers through Clarke's. "I'm going to get Anya to do it when she's back tomorrow." Lexa sighed. "I'm sorry for how I acted last week, I was being a brat, I'm not used to being told I can't have something but I understand why you can't go."

Clarke smiled, leaning over to kiss the bridge of Lexa's nose.

"I'll come with you." Clarke whispered, one hand clutching onto Lexa's as the other calmingly ran up and down her forearm. "To Canada, I want to come with you."

Lexa looked surprised at first but her mouth morphed into a grin, her nose and eyes crinkling. "Really?"

"You're the one that I want to be with, not him." Clarke said, bringing Lexa's knuckles up to her lips. "And I know I said I couldn't drop everything but you're right, there's nothing here for me. Raven is never here, my mom hates me anyway and Jeff is a fucking asshole. I don't care if we end up living in a tent in the wilderness, as long as you're there I don't care where we end up."

"I won't let that happen," Lexa swore, her thumb tracing over Clarke's bottom lip. "I can't promise much but I do promise to keep a roof over your head, to keep food on the table and keep you warm."

Clarke smiled softly and Lexa is sure she heard her sniff as she leant over, kissing the corner of Lexa's mouth. "I'm so glad you decided to go get a Coke when you did."

Lexa was confused at first but it dawned on her a few seconds later that Clarke was talking about the first night they met, when Lexa was ordering a Coke at the bar. Lexa huffed out a laugh. "Yeah, I am too."

"Can I get you anything?"

"I'm not dying, I can get up if I wanted to."

"I know, and that's fine, but if I can't look after you when you're hurt or sick what kind of girlfriend would I be?"

Lexa felt a warmth spread across her chest at those words, a bashful little smile appearing on her lips as she buried her face against her arm. "Girlfriend?" She asked, her voice muffled by her skin.

"Well, yeah. Aren't we?"

"No, I guess, I just- I dunno, it's the first time we've acknowledged that this is more than just an affair."

"It is definitely more than that."

"Good," Lexa hummed sleepily.

"Go to sleep, your body is probably exhausted from what happened and from trying to heal itself."

Lexa hummed at that, trying to get herself more comfortable, only to hiss when a sharp pain in her shoulder.

"Lex, let me have a look, please?"

Lexa was about to say no, tell Clarke that it was fine and that Anya would have a look when she got home but Clarke was looking at her worriedly.

"I can't lie on my back, Clarke."

"Can you lie on your side?" Clarke asked softly, helping Lexa turn on her side when she agreed. Usually, having Lexa topless on a bed was amazing but right now, with the girls back covered in wet towels and little bruises painted along her sides and collarbone where her fathers belt buckle had connected with the skin, it was the furthest thing from amazing.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you." Clarke said, gently pressing her fingers against the brushed, swollen flesh of Lexa's collarbone.

Lexa sucked in a breath through her teeth, biting her teeth together.

"Can you move your fingers?"

Lexa bobbed her head, wiggling her fingers.

"Good," Clarke hummed.

"You're really hot when you're in doctor mode,"

A little smile appeared on Clarke's lips as she held onto Lexa's elbow and her hand, slowly rotation her arm, stopping as soon as Lexa hissed in pain again. "How does your arm feel? Numb or tingly?"

"Yeah, both."

"Lexa, I honestly think it is broken." Clarke stressed. "You really have to go to the hospital."

"I can't."

"Lexa,"

"No, Clarke, you don't get it. They will know what happened but he won't go down for this, he is untouchable. And I will get a beating worse than this for telling someone." Lexa explained, her hand gripping tightly onto Clarke's. "You can't, you promised you with never tell anyone."

Clarke looked like she was arguing with herself, weighing up the pros and cons of staying quiet but eventually nodded. "At least let me call your sister, she can help."

Lexa nodded, motioning toward her phone that was on the bedside table before slowly lowering herself to lie down.

Clarke unlocked her phone, having been told Lexa's password weeks ago, going to A on Lexa's contacts, frowning when she didn't see 'Anya'.

"Do you have her number saved?"

"It's 'the oldest tree'." Lexa said, offering Clarke a crooked little grin. "Get it? Woods, tree?"

"That is terrible." Clarke laughed, rolling her eyes when Lexa mumbled 'you love it'.

"Lexa, now really isn't the time." Anya sounded rushed, like she was busy and she probably was, Clarke knew how high up Anya was in that hospital. "I'm just preparing for a surgery."

"Anya, it's Clarke."

Anya was quiet for a few seconds, "Why do you have Lexa's phone?"

"She's hurt, I think her collarbone is broken." Clarke explained, staring solemnly over at Lexa who was lying on the bed with her eyes closed. "Do you want me to bring her in?"

"No, put something cold on the break site and wrap it in a sling, you know how to do that?"

"Yeah,"

"Good. Use a towel right now, I will bring a proper one home tonight."

"Ok," Clarke agreed. "Thank you."

"Clarke," Anya said just before Clarke hung up. "Was it him?"

"Yeah," Clarke sighed.

"Is it bad?"

"Octavia said it was really bad."

"I don't finish until tomorrow," Anya said. "Look after her, Clarke. Make sure she is ok."

"I will," Clarke agreed and Anya muttered a quick 'bye' before she hung up.

Clarke placed Lexa's phone back on the table and little out a breath, running her hand through her hair as she started down at her.

"What'd she say?" Lexa asked, her voice breaking in the cute way it always did when she was tired.

"I've to put something cold on it and sling it."

"There are gel ice packs in the cupboard under the sink."

"Towels?"

"In my wardrobe, just as you walk in."

Clarke went to the bathroom first, grabbing the gel ice pack and popping the little silver disk to activate it.

"I'm glad you are going to come with me," Lexa whispered when Clarke walked over to the bed, the gel pack wrapped in a towel and another towel in her hand. "I know I can't give you everything he can but..."

"Lex, don't." Clarke interrupted, smoothing Lexa's hair out of her face and kissing her. "It is _you_  I want to be with."

"It was just something Octavia said, about you knowing what being poor feels like and not wanting to go back to that."

"I don't care. I don't have any reason for his money, I don't have anyone to look after. My mom doesn't even speak to me anymore. So long as you are there and you're happy then I'm happy." Clarke assured. "Sit up for me."

Lexa obliged, albeit sluggishly, pushing herself up onto her knees, allowing Clarke to bend her arm at the elbow and us the towel as a makeshift sling. "The last time I was half naked in a bed with you was much better."

"Definitely," Lexa agreed, her legs quivering in the way they always did when her body was completely drained and that's when she realised just how exhausted she was. "But only because you were completely naked."

Clarke laughed, tying the knot behind Lexa's neck then tapping the girl on the nose. "That can be arranged for next time."

Lexa smirked at that, about to lean over and kiss Clarke when her phone began to buzz.

Clarke picked up the phone and handed it off to Lexa.

"Hey, An."

"Can Clarke drive you to the hospital? I want to x-Ray your shoulder to see if it is broken." Anya asked. "I've gotten someone else to cover my surgery."

"Um, yeah. I'm sure she can bring me in," Lexa agreed. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"We are short staffed, I'm the only one working in this part of the hospital right now."

"Ok, I will have Clarke or Octavia drive me in." Lexa agreed, hanging up the phone.

"What's up?"

"She wants me to go in for an x-Ray." Lexa whispered. "I don't think I can put a shirt on, Clarke, it will hurt to much."

Clarke rolled her bottom lip between her teeth thoughtfully. "How about we get smaller wet towers and we can use gauze to to keep them in place before you put your shirt on?"

"That could work," Lexa agreed, picking up on of the towels that had previously been on her back. "This one would be fine. Put it on longways and wrap it up."

Clarke nodded, bouncing off the bed and heading back over to Lexa's bathroom, digging the gauze out from the cupboard under the sink.

She eyed the wounds of Lexa's back before she placed the towel on her back. Some of them were covering in dry blood, some had raised up into welts and some were weeping. "Some of these will scar, Lex." She breathed, gently touching one of the older wounds, wounds that had scared, on Lexa's ribs.

"A couple more won't make a difference."

Clarke sighed solemnly, gently placing the towel on Lexa's back and carefully wrapping the gauze around the girls body. "Is that ok?"

Lexa nodded, a little smile appearing on her lips when Clarke kissed her uninjured shoulder before pressing her nose to the skin there.

"Button up?" She whispered against the skin there.

"I suppose that would be easier to get on and off."

Clarke nodded, disappearing into Lexa's walk in closet for a few seconds, reemerging with a black and white shirt in her hand, one of Lexa's baggier shirts. She helped Lexa slide her uninjured arm into the sleeve and then buttoned it up over the slung up arm.

"Do you want me to drive you? Or Octavia?"

"You. We can drive in the back way so there just so happens to be any paps there they won't see us."

Clarke nodded, telling Lexa to go to her car while she went to the den to tell Raven and Octavia they were heading to the hospital.

Both Octavia and Raven insisted on coming until Clarke reasoned that all of them being there together would draw to much attention.

"I have to tell you something," Lexa whispered once they were settled in Clarke's car.

"You slept with Octavia." Clarke's eyes didn't leave the road as she drove.

"You knew?"

"Raven told me," Clarke hummed, briefly glancing over at Lexa. "I don't like it and we will talk about it. I can't be worrying that every time we have a fight you're going to go off and sleep with someone."

"It wasn't like that," Lexa argued, her voice voice breaking with exhaustion. "I- I really like you and the idea of you not liking me back hurt. I thought we were done, I wasn't going to stay here and you said you wouldn't come with me."

"And you and Octavia?"

"What do you mean?"

"How do you feel about Octavia?"

"She's my best friend, that's all it has ever been. It was never romantic with us."

"Good, because her and Raven are pretty serious now and it would suck if someone got in the way of that."

"Yeah, they seem happy together." Lexa murmured. "Like we were."

"Are. Like we are." Clarke corrected, her hand sliding over Lexa's thigh. "What happened was just a blip, Lex. We're going to be ok."

Lexa nodded her head sluggishly, threading her hand with Clarke's.

Anya was waiting for them at the back doors of the hospital when they arrived, guiding Lexa and Clarke through the halls to the radiography ward.

"How are you feeling?" Clarke asked, rubbing Lexa's thigh as she sat perched up on the bed, waiting for Anya to set everything up.

"Tired."

"That's understandable." Clarke planted a kiss on Lexa's cheek.

"Ok, Clarke you need to go outside and wait." Anya said in a clipped tone, obviously in doctor mode and worried about her sister.

Anya helped Lexa lie down before readying her for her x-ray.

Once the x-Ray was done and Anya had had a look at it she came back into the room with what looked like a splint.

"We will need to it a splint on you shoulder to prevent it from moving." Anya said, helping Lexa sit up again.

"You can't, if dad knows I've gone to the hospital-"

"He won't, I will tell him I brought this back and put it on you as a safety precaution." Anya assured, smoothing her hands over her little sisters hair before moving them down to her cheeks. "Don't worry about it, Lele, it's going to be fine." Lexa nodded because, for once, she actually believed Anya, her eyes sliding closed when the older Woods kissed her forehead.

Anya strapped the splint over her shoulder, Lexa hissing in pain at the tiny amount of pressure it put on the break, before strapping her bent arm over her stomach and clipping the clips around her mid section, just bellow where her bra would sit.

"I'll get you some painkillers too,"

"You know I can't take them." Lexa sighed, exasperated.

"Well, you're going to have to take something, Lex, because this pain must be torture."

"I'm fine," Lexa mumbled, sliding off of the bed, allowing Anya to help her back into her shirt.

"You and Clarke..."

"Please don't. I don't have it in me to listen to whatever you have to say right now."

"All I was going to say is that you should be careful. I hate seeing you in this state." Anya sighed solemnly.

"We will be," Lexa promised, giving Anya's hand a little squeeze. "I'll see you later."

"Make sure Clarke looks after you."

Lexa rolled her eyes at her sister, pushing herself away from the bed and heading for the door.

Clarke's head shot up when the door opened, her eyes scanning Lexa's form worriedly. "You ok?"

"I'm fine. I have a splint on it, it should heal in a couple of weeks."

Clarke nodded, looking a little unsure as she reached out to tentatively touch Lexa's uninjured arm. "We're leaving soon, right?" She asked on a hushed voice.

"Hopefully. I still need to sort some stuff out."

Clarke's jaw tensed, "I don't like that you're going back to that house."

"It'll be fine. I've been dealing with it for this long, a couple more months won't hurt."

"Yeah, clearly." Clarke sighed, letting her head fall against Lexa's with a soft thump.

"We should go before someone sees," Lexa whispered, pulling back slightly and Clarke nodded lightly.

"Raven and Octavia have left." Clarke informed her as they walked the way they came.

"I'm kind of glad, I just want to relax on my own, I don't need Octavia pussyfooting around me." Lexa said. "Don't get me wrong, I love that she cares but I just don't have it in me tonight to let her."

Clarke drove Lexa home and helped her up to her room, waiting until she was comfortable on her front, making sure she had a bottle of water beside her, before pulling on her jacket.

"Stay," Lexa whispered sleepily.

"I thought you wanted to be alone?"

"I never don't want you around."

Clarke grinned at that, lying on the bed beside Lexa. "Your parents will be back from Sacramento on Monday, I will stay until then."

Lexa looked a little surprised at that, her hand sliding up Clarke's arm until her fingers slide through the space in between Clarke's fingers. "What about him?"

"I don't care anymore, he goes away for days on end without telling me so why shouldn't I do the same. And I want to be here with you, I-" Whatever Clarke was about to say died on the tip of her tongue and she swallowed thickly, bringing their joined hands up to her lips. "I want to be here with you."

Lexa gave her hand a little tug, "Come here."

Clarke obliged without any hesitation, her nose bumping clumsily against Lexa's (which was fine, it put a smile Lexa's lips) before she kissed her slowly.

"I missed you," Lexa whispered against Clarke's lips. "And I'm sorry for acting like a brat."

"You were always a brat, I knew what I was letting myself in for." Clarke breathed with a little smirk. "And I missed you, too. I'm just sad we had to reconnect under these circumstances."

"Mm," Lexa hummed sleepily.

"Go to sleep, I will be here once you wake up."

Lexa didn't argue, tucking her hand that was linked with Clarke's under her cheek. She was just about to give into sleep completely when she felt Clarke press a kiss to her forehead.

Lexa fell asleep with a smile on her face for the first time in a month.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, not sure if I like this but they are finally leaving. Next few chapters will be them getting on their feet and some domestic clexa

"You know that once I've got my degree in not going to be rich, right?" Lexa commented, looking down at Clarke when the blonde lifted her head off of her bare chest to peer up at her. It had been almost two months since the whole ordeal at the party, since Clarke had agreed to come with her. "Like, my parents will be rich but I won't be. I mean, I'll have my trust fund but that will only be for emergencies."

Clarke slid her hand from where it was idly resting on Lexa's chest, just over the young girls still thundering heart but Clarke wouldn't tell Lexa that, up to her neck, craning up to kiss Lexa. "I don't care."

"You promise?" Lexa asked and even she could hear the venerability in her own voice. "I will probably make enough to support us both but it won't be like it is with him, I wouldn't be able to take you on surprise trips to Rome or buy you a million dollar car."

"I don't care, Lexa." Clarke said in a forceful yet soft tone, her fingertips trailing over the little raised scars on Lexa's ribcage. "What is your plan, anyway?"

"That a wolf rescue centre in golden British Columbia? They said they'd have me, they would teach me everything I needed to know. Apparently it would be good for funding and business to have a Woods work for them." Lexa rolled her eyes. "But, I'm thinking a little one bedroom apartment in Banff. You, me, her," Lexa nodded toward the puppy on the floor. "Just think about it; the winter when it snows, you and me cuddled up in front of the fire, you read and me watching you read." Lexa grinned, inching closer to Clarke as she spoke until their noses were bumping together. "And then I'd get bored and start kissing and biting at your neck, just the way you like it, and you try to be moody with me, complain about wanting to finish the chapter but then your start moaning. I'd lay you down on the soft rug, right in front of the fire so I can see the way you eyes flicker from blue to grey as the light from the fire washes over them." Lexa flipped them over so she was hovering over Clarke, staring down at the blonde who stared right back at her, her eyes hooded and her pupils blown. "And then I would start kissing my way down here," Lexa trailed her finger down over Clarke's collarbone, down between the valley of her breasts and stopped just her her hipbone cause Clarke to groan. "And then I would stop and you would no doubt be pissed at me for stopped. Then-"

Lexa didn't get to finish because Clarke had apparently had enough of her talking and opted to kiss her.

"That's my plan." Lexa breathed, hiding her face against Clarke's neck. "All of my plans involve you,"

"Good." Clarke grinned, turning her head to kiss Lexa's nose. "How does that little story finish?"

Lexa was silent for a few seconds, obviously contemplating what to say before whispering. "With me telling you that I love you."

Ok, that probably shouldn't have taking Clarke's breath away like it did, they both obviously felt that way, otherwise they wouldn't be planing to running away together, but neither one of them had ever said it out loud and it just took Clarke completely by surprise.

"I love you, too."

"Future me or now me?"

"Both, hopefully." Clarke smiled, swinging her leg over Lexa's, sitting up on her thighs and pressing her palms against Lexa's toned stomach. "When are we leaving?"

"Two weeks, but I have another surprise for you." Lexa grinned, pushing herself up onto her elbows, nodding her head toward her beside table. "Top drawer."

Clarke narrowed her eyes suspiciously at Lexa, moving over to open her top drawer, her knee accidentally pressing against Lexa's centre, drawing a surprised gasp from the younger girl.

Clarke grinned back at Lexa as she pulled the drawer opened.

"Take out that paper and read it."

Clarke done as she was told, taking the paper out of the drawer and reading over it. Lexa watched the woman's face as it dawned on her exactly what the email was, running her hands up and down Clarke's thighs.

"Head surgeon?" Clarke's eyes flickered from the paper to Lexa and back again. "You got me a head surgeon job?" Clarke gaped at Lexa when she just shrugged. "No, don't just shrug. Do you realise what you've done?"

Lexa's face dropped, worried that she had done something wrong. "You said it was your dream job," Lexa said unsurely.

"It is. How did you pull this off?"

"The name Woods carried a little bit of weight behind it." Lexa said with a crooked little grin. "But that only got me into see the current head surgeon, the thing that got you the job was your resume. He called up Berkley and they vouched for you, said you were the brightest student they had, probably ever." Lexa smiled softly, kissing Clarke's throat. "I might have gotten hospital to listen but this was all you, babe."

Clarke dropped the email onto the floor, her fingers threading through Lexa's hair as she kissing and nibbled her way down Clarke's throat and across her collarbone. Clarke waiting until Lexa reached the end of her clavicle before pushed her rather roughly down onto the bed, catching Lexa's hands and trapping them between her own and the mattress.

Lexa smiled up at Clarke's. "We're going to be happy, we are going to have everything our parents didn't."

"I know."

"We just have to get outta here. Which we will, I have a house waiting for us in Canada, the jobs, Aurora will be with us. It's going to be good."

"Do your brother and sister know you're leaving?"

"No," Lexa sighed. "I can't tell them, I can't risk my father thinking they knew. The only people who know are you, Jasper, Octavia and by extension Raven."

"You have to say goodbye to them." Clarke whispered, settling down on top of Lexa, her head resting on the girls chest.

"I will," Lexa hummed, kissing the top of Clarke's head as she wrapped her arms around her. "I will text them the night we get there. I'm taking the Spyder, too, but there's not nearly enough room for all of our things so Octavia is using her pick up to take all of our stuff."

"How are we going to get it all out without someone noticing?"

"My parents are in Florida that weekend, Lincoln has a stag weekend in Amsterdam and Anya works twelve hour shifts." Lexa ran her hand up and down Clarke's back. "And we will wait until he is away to get your things."

"I don't have a lot of stuff, anyway."

"We can pack up what you think you will need and take it to Raven's, that way if Jeff so happens to be home your things are already out of the house."

Clarke nodded, "I will do that once I'm home tonight."

Clarke left Jeff's with three boxes that night. Lexa could tell as soon as she entered Raven's place that there was something wrong with Clarke.

"What happened?" Lexa frowned, walking up to her girlfriend and gently taking ahold of her hands. "Are you having second thoughts?"

"No. It's just," Clarke nodded down to the boxes at her feet. "That is all I have to show for my life up until now."

Lexa licked her lips, glancing down at the boxes. "Well, we are just going to have to make up for lost time, aren't we?" Lexa grinned crookedly at Clarke, gently tugging her closer. "Make memories, tick off our bucket lists."

The little downturn of Clarke's brow disappeared and a soft smile appeared on her lips. "You and me,"

"And maybe sometimes those two," Lexa nodded to Raven and Octavia who had busied themselves in the kitchen. "I love you."

"I'll never get tired of hearing that," Clarke whispered, smiling as she kissed Lexa. "I love you, too."

"Dinners ready," Raven called from the li hen, followed by Octavia's teasing voice.

"So stop defiling Raven's couch."

* * *

 

"When are your parents due back?" Clarke whispered.

"Who cares?" Lexa huffed back, kissing her way down Clarke's neck to her chest.

Clarke grinned at that, her back lifting off the mattress as Lexa kissed down the valley between Clarke's breasts.

Clarke groaned when Lexa's phone started ringing on the bedside table.

"Ignore it," Clarke whispered, using the fact Lexa was reaching for her phone to flip them over.

"What if it's important?" Lexa argued halfheartedly, arching up slightly when Clarke gave her collarbone a warning little nip.

"What's important is that you have your naked girlfriend on top of you," Clarke retorted, "Whatever that is can wait."

Lexa hummed, letting out a little sigh when the ringing stopped but groaned when it started again just a few seconds later.

It took five miss calls, ten text messages and twenty minutes for her to eventually answer Octavia.

"This better be really fucking important, O!"

"You are everywhere, you and Clarke. All over the front covers of every gossip magazine."

Lexa paled, pushing herself to sit up straight, pushing Clarke up with her.

"Lexa? Babe, what's wrong?"

Lexa swallowed, handing her phone to Octavia and swinging her legs out of bed.

"Lexa? What are you doing?" Clarke asked, bringing the phone up to her ear. "Octavia? What happened?"

"Everyone knows, someone must have seen you guys in Miami, your photo is all over the front covers of almost every magazine on the shelves." Octavia explained and Clarke felt the blood rush to her head. "What is she doing?"

"She went into her closet," Clarke said, her mouth dry and she too got out of bed.

"Tell her she already has all of her things here and that we need to go. Now. The last thing you both want is her father coming home."

"Now?"

"Now, Clarke. So you better go get your things, too, if you're still going."

"Of course I'm still coming. Will I meet you at your place?"

"I've already sent Raven over to get you, I'll call her and tell her just to come back to mine." Octavia said just as Lexa came out fully dressed, her hand dug into her hair.

"Ok. See you soon." Clarke quickly hung up the phone and made her way over to Lexa, taking ahold of her hand and pulling it out of her hair.

"I- uh- I can't find my bags."

"They're at Octavia's." Clarke said softly, gently taking ahold of Lexa's chin and pulling her face up to look at her, noting the way Lexa's chest was heaving and her breath was coming out shallow. "It's now or never, Lex."

Lexa swallowed and nodded, blinking a few times to focus her blurry eyes on Clarke. "I love you,"

"I know, I love you, too." Clarke pressed a sweet kiss. "Go get your pills, your phone charger, laptop, whatever you have left here then we're leaving."

"I'm scared, Clarke." Lexa admitted quietly.

"I know," Clarke said softly. "And that's ok, 'cause I'm going to look after you. That's what we do, look after one and other."

Lexa nodded minutely, tucking her head into Clarke's neck as she pulled her in for a hug.

"We need to go, Lex."

"Ok," Lexa's voice sounded stuffy, like she was about to start crying, and the build up of tears in her eyes proved that. "Uh, can you put Aurora on her leash."

Clarke nodded and Lexa set about stuffing some more essential into her bag.

They were just at the bottom of the stairs when the front door rattled closed.

"You've done it this time, girl!" Her dad yelled.

Both women stopped walking as the man thundered over to them.

"After everything I've done for you, this is how you repay me."

"Dad,"

"Don't you dare try and defend yourself! Did you make it your mission to ruin my life, destroy everything I've worked hard to build." He snapped, his eyes snapping to Clarke briefly before returning to his daughter. "This gold digging little whore's husband has already called from Vegas to cancel our deal. Our _ten million dollar deal_ , that's what you've done."

"Don't talk about her like that," Lexa murmured, looking down at her feet, using every inch of self control not to step away.

"Speak up, Alexandria, your mother and I didn't raise you to be a fucking coward."

"Don't talk about her like that!" Lexa exploded, her eyes snapping her to her father. She felt brave, in control, he didn't hold anything over her anymore.

"Well, looks like little Alexandria is trying to stand up for herself." There was a sick grin on her fathers face as his eyes darkened. "You remember what happened the last time you tried to do that, don't you?"

She flinched when he father moved closer but before he could reach her Clarke was in between them.

"I'm not going to let you hurt her, not anymore." Clarke growled.

"Shut up, girl," Lexa didn't see the slap but she heard it, the loud sound of skin connecting hard with skin and the pained little yap that escaped Clarke's lips. Lexa reacted purely on instinct after that. Instinct to protect someone she loved. "Didn't Jeff teach you how to behave properly?" He dad managed to say before Lexa's fist made contact with his jaw, causing him to stumble backwards, clutching his jaw.

"Oh, you are so going to pay for this." The man promised. "Get this _bitch_  out of my house but I'm not done with you, I'll deal with you once your mother is home."

Clarke grabbed onto her hand when her father started to walk away, dragging her in the direction of that garage.

"Drive to Octavia's, ok?" Clarke dug Lexa's keys from her pocket and placed them in the dazed girls hands. "Lexa, you gotta snap out of this, you can't drive like this." Clarke pushed, opening the back door for Aurora to hop in. "You need to be strong for me right now, ok?"

"I hit him," Lexa murmured, focusing her eyes on Clarke. "I hit him and it felt so good. Is that what he feels when he hits us?"

"Lexa, now really isn't the time to talk about this but, no, you're _nothing_  like him."

"I'll need to meet you at Octavia, I have to go back in and get some of Aurora's things."

"Lexa, you can't."

"I won't be long," Lexa promised. "Can you take Aurora with you?"

"This isn't a good idea, Lex." Clarke stressed.

"He won't hurt me, he knows he has nothing over me anymore." Lexa reasoned, sounding more like she was trying to convince herself than Clarke.

"Be quick, I'm waiting here until you're back."

Lexa nodded, rushing back inside to get some of Aurora's toys and some food.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Out," Lexa choked, attempting to leave the kitchen but her father stopped her. "Move."

"Choose, your family or her." Her dad demanded, grabbing onto Lexa's chin.

Lexa looked her dad square in the eye and she knew the answer was easy. Anya and Lincoln weren't going to stop talking to her and she didn't _want_ anything to do with her parents. "Her."

Anger flared in her father's eyes at her answer. Before he could regain is composure Lexa quickly pushed passed him, rushing out to her car.

Lexa threw her bag into the back of the car, giving Clarke a little nod before pulling out of the garage.

They reached Octavia's place twenty minutes later, Octavia wrapping her still slightly dazed best friend up in a hug as soon as she walked through the door. "Are you ok?" She whispered against Lexa's ear.

Lexa nodded. "Yeah, he didn't hit me. He hit Clarke, though." Lexa said, seemingly remembering that had happened and quickly pulled away from Octavia, turning to her girlfriend. "Are you ok?"

Lexa ran her eyes over Clarke's face, taking in the little red spot on Clarke's cheek.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Clarke promised, sliding her hand to Lexa's neck, calmingly running her thumb along her jaw. "Everything's going to be ok."

Lexa started at Clarke and, for the first time in a while, she actually believed that everything _was_ going to be ok.

"We will leave in the morning, ok?" Clarke offered. "I don't think either of us are in any state to drive, we might feel a little better after we get some sleep."

Lexa nodded, tucking her face into Clarke's neck, wrapping her arms tightly around the blondes waist.

"I love you," Clarke breathed against Lexa's temple.

"I love you."

"The spare room is ready for you guys." Octavia said, crouching down to pet Aurora.

Clarke nodded, guiding Lexa down to hallway to their room for the night.

Lexa sat on the edge of the bed when she got there, scratching the underside of Aurora's chin as she stared at the wall across from her.

"Hey," Clarke whispered, placing her hand on Lexa's thigh when she sat down beside her. "We're going to be ok."

"Yeah," Lexa breathed and that was the only indication Clarke got that Lexa was listening.

"Babe," Clarke prompted and Lexa dragged her eyes from the wall to look at Clarke. Clarke creased Lexa's next, pressing a tentative kiss to her girlfriends lips. "I _promise_  we are going to be ok."

"I believe you," Lexa sighed. "I just wish I had seen my brother and sister before everything happened."

"They will understand." Clarke rubbed Lexa's thigh. "Let's try and get some sleep, hm? We start out new lift tomorrow."

That pulled a smile out of Lexa, the younger girls forehead falling against Clarke's cheek. "Ok,"

Lexa crawled into bed, Aurora hopping up beside her.

"I'm going to go get us water."

Octavia and Raven both looked at her when she walked through the living room toward the kitchen. "Is she ok?" Octavia asked. "Are you?"

"Yeah, I think she's just a little dazed. I don't think it's really set in that she's free." Clarke sighed, leaning back against the wall beside the kitchen door. "She'll be better once we get to Canada."

"She'll be ok, she always is." Octavia said.

"I'll see you guys in the morning,"

When Clarke got back to the room Lexa was spooning Aurora, her nose buried in the animals fur.

"We're going to be ok," Lexa said when Clarke got into bed behind her, the blonde wrapping her arms around Lexa's midsection.

"Of course we are." Clarke hummed, pressing a kiss to the back of Lexa's head. "We make a good team."

"Yeah," Lexa breathed and Clarke was sure she heard the smile in the woman's voice.

"Tomorrow's the start of our new lives. Our _happy_  lives."

"I will be much more happy once we are in Canada."

"Understandable," Clarke gave Lexa a little squeeze, waiting until she heard Lexa's breathing thin out before she let herself fall asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: talks of suicidal thoughts 
> 
> I've had a few questions asking if this doc is almost over; it isn't. At least not for another few chapters. I'm going to write some domestic clexa and some other stuff is set to happen too (I'm sorry). I'm glad you guys like this fic and you comments really mean a lot, thank you : )

"What are you doing?" Lexa frowned when Clarke hopped into her car the next morning.

"Driving to Canada with you,"

"What about your car?"

"Raven's driving it up." Clarke explained, fiddling with the display on Lexa's centre console, pairing it up with her phone. Her phone that had been on airplane mode every since everything kicked off.

"I never knew you were so clingy," Lexa sighed, laughing when Clarke glared at her. Lexa reached over to grip the back of Clarke's neck and pulled her in closer. "I'm kidding," she whispered, kissing Clarke fully.

They pulled back when a horn blared behind them, followed by Octavia telling them to get a room.

"Ready?" Clarke whispered.

Lexa pulled her lip in between her teeth and smiled. "Ready."

Clarke smiled brightly, planting a kiss on Lexa's forehead before falling back into her seat. "Let's go then."

The twenty two hour drive was mostly uneventful. Clarke fiddling with the music, Octavia or Raven driving up beside them on deserted roads and, more often than not, flipping them off and laughing.

Five hours in Clarke decided to call her lawyer in regards to the divorce papers she had apparently had in the works for weeks now, asking her what she wanted to do now that everything was out in the open. Clarke requested the forms be sent to their new address, telling him she didn't care if she wasn't going to get anything from Jeff, she just wanted him out of her life. She turned her phone off after that

"That felt good," Clarke whispered and Lexa tilted her head to look her, one hand on the wheel while the other was holding her head up.

"Mm?"

"I told her to send it to my apartment. An apartment I will be sharing with the girl I love, and the dog I love, with a job that I'll love." Clarke sighed happily. "This time last year I was sure I would have been stuck in that marriage until the day he found someone younger. Then you came in like a knight in cute flannel and sweeped me right off my feet."

"A knight in cute flannel?" Lexa grinned, switching her hands on the wheel and slipping her now free hand into Clarke's. "That's a new one."

"Just- thank you. For not just writing me off as a gold digging tramp."

"You are a lot of things but a tramp isn't one of them," Lexa said with a crooked little grin, holding her arm out to Clarke. "C'mere."

Clarke leant over to rest her head against Lexa's shoulder. The centre panel was digging into her side but she really couldn't bring herself to care.

"I love you and once we get to Canada you can sort out this divorce." Lexa swore, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"You remember what we talked about at the beginning? We were in the cinema room at your place and we were talking about love and you describe it as an untameable force, something that if you try to control it it destroys you." Clarke recalled, her eyes unfocused as she thought about that night. "I didn't believe you, I thought you were living in some kind of fantasy world. There's no way a single person could make you feel like that." Clarke paused thoughtfully for a second. "I didn't believe you until you made me feel that way."

Lexa spared Clarke a glance before returning her eyes to the road, she knew Clarke wasn't done so she didn't interrupt her.

"I thought love was made up, that people who were 'in love' played up on what society had made us believe love was. I just didn't think it was possible to feel so strongly toward a person." Clarke spoke, a little laugh escaping her lips. "I still don't know how it's possible but I now know it is. I've never had someone love me like you do, and I've never loved someone like I love you."

Lexa ran her fingers through Clarke's hair, "I'm glad you know how much I love you."

"It's hard not too," Clarke smiled, kissing Lexa's cheek.

Raven and Octavia helped them get their things into their new apartment before announcing that they were getting a hotel.

Both Lexa and Clarke tried to argue, they had a spare room, Raven and Octavia were more then welcome to stay, but the girls insisted that they didn't want to 'taint their first night'. Both Clarke and Lexa knew they just wanted to have sex and didn't want to have to be quiet.

Lexa walked them out, smiling when she entered the living room to see Clarke standing in the middle of the room, a content smile on her face as she looked around.

"Five minutes that way," Lexa spoke, pointing off to her left. "Is one of the worlds most beautiful national parks. Thirty minutes that way," she pointed to her right this time. "Is my new work and about forty-five minutes that way," she jabbed her thumb over her shoulder. "Is your new work place."

Clarke's eyes were sparkling as she watched Lexa watch toward her.

"This isn't going to be some fairytale. It's going to be hard, we are going to be working a lot, we're going to fight, get on each other's nerves, things might feel like it's getting too much." Lexa said, taking ahold of Clarke's hands when she reached her. "And when that does happen was have to take a step back and try and calm down. We never got to bed or leave angry, we talk through whatever it is that's bothering us. We do that and we're going to be happy together."

"Sounds fair," Clarke hummed, gently pulling Lexa toward her and resting her forehead against the younger girls. An excited grin stretched across her lips as she stared over into Lexa's eyes. "We got out, they can't touch us anymore."

Lexa's lips curled up into a smile at Clarke's words.

"But we should turn our phones back on, your siblings might be trying to get in touch."

"Can we just not tonight?" Lexa sighed, wriggling her hands from Clarke's and sliding her hands up Lexa's neck to link at the back. "Let's just pretend this is us moving in together. Not because we had too or because we are running from something but because we wanted to, because we love each other."

"Both of those things are true," Clarke assured, her arms wrapping snuggly around Lexa's lower back. "We just had to rush because of the circumstances but I definitely wanted this and I definitely love you." Clarke slipped her hands under Lexa's shirt, her hands splaying across the younger girls back. "Now, I do know that it's customary to christen the bed when you move into a new place."

A little laugh escaped Lexa's lips, "I heard it's not just the bed. I heard it is also the shower," Lexa whispered, pecking Clarke on the lips as she backed her toward the door. "And the couch," she kissed her again, pressing her up against the bedroom door. "Kitchen counter, in front of the fire."

"Looks like we've got a busy night, hm?" Clarke smirked, reaching behind her to open the bedroom door, both of them stumbling when it swung open. "Better get started."

Lexa hummed gruffly, lifting Clarke off her feet and gently throwing her on the bed, a smirk playing on her lips as she pulled her shirt off.

"Is it comfortable?" Lexa asked, crawling the length of Clarke's body, kissing her when she finally reached her lips.

"More so now that you're here."

\---

"I thought about killing myself once, back when I was sixteen." The admission had come out of nowhere, they were both relaxing after christening the bed, couch, shower then rug. The warmth of the fire and Lexa was causing Clarke to almost fall into a slumber.

"What stopped you?" She asked sleepily, running her hand over Lexa's stomach calmingly.

"Lincoln." Lexa answered, her fingertips dancing across Clarke's care back. "I remember I was sitting on my bed and I had my antidepressants in my hand and I know that if I just took everything in that bottle it would be over, I wouldn't have to keep living my life depressed and in fear. But Lincoln chose that time to come into my room with tickets to spend the day at an animal enclosure in Toronto later that week. And we spent the rest of that day watching friends reruns and eating pizza. That made me realise that I couldn't do that to Lincoln or Anya, I couldn't leave them."

"So you've stayed alive this long for your siblings?"

"At first, yeah. But when I was eighteen or nineteen I decided that I wasn't going to let my father make me feel like I wanted to die."

"Well, I'm glad you didn't do it."

"Yeah," Lexa whispered, smiling down at Clarke, her eyes shinning with happiness, her body more relaxed than Clarke had ever seen her. "Me too. God, if someone had told me at fifteen that I actually had something to look forward too, that I would get away from my father, with a girl that I love, I wouldn't have believed them."

"Now look at you, look at us." Clarke smiled softly. "It does get better."

"Mm. I didn't believe that growing up, I do now."

"Good. I know we still have the kitchen counter to christen but I really don't have it in me right now."

"No, I don't either," Lexa laughed, folding her arm under her head, tightening her grip around Clarke. "We can do that tomorrow."

"We need to redecorate, the walls in here are disgusting." Clarke breathed, getting more comfortable against Lexa.

"We will go to Home Depot before we start work." Lexa answered, planting a lazy kiss on Clarke's forehead, whispering 'goodnight' before allowing herself to fall asleep.

They both startled away the next morning with a loud bang on the front door.

Lexa paled, her worried eyes moving to Clarke. Had her father followed them? Did he had a tracker on her car? Had he found them and came to drag her home?

A sigh of relief left both of them when the sound of an irritated Raven reached their ears.

"Guys, open the damn door!"

"Is this what it's going to be like? Constantly on edge," Lexa muttered as she got to her feet, offering Clarke her hand.

Clarke took Lexa's hand and pulled herself up. "I'm not going to lie and say he could never show up but, if he does, we call the police. He has nothing over you anymore."

"Yeah, I suppose that's true,"

"Lexa! Clarke!"

"Two minutes," Lexa yelled back, giving Clarke a soft smile before heading into their room, pulling on a pair of sweats and Clarke's university sweater.

"That's mine," Clarke pointed out as she entered the room, pulling on her own pair of sweats.

"Not anymore," Lexa quipped with a little grin, gripping onto the waste band of Clarke's sweats and pulling her into a searing kiss. "I'll go get the door."

"If you're wearing mine I'm wearing yours," Clarke called and Lexa laughed as she opened the door to her irritated friends.

"Sorry, guys, we were asleep."

"Mmhm," Octavia hummed skeptically, pushing past Lexa into the apartment. "We thought we could go for breakfast before Raven and I have to drive back."

"Looks like you guys have already eaten, though." Raven commented with a smirk.

"Breakfast sounds good," Lexa said, "Just let me get dressed."

Both she and Clarke got dressed, both keeping the others university sweaters on.

"I wish we had just taken my plane here," Raven groaned as she fell into the booth of a little, local cafe.

"Yeah, the idea of driving for another twenty-one hours is horrible." Octavia muttered.

"Are you leaving after breakfast?" Lexa asked.

Octavia nodded, offering her best friend a reassuring smile. "We will be back, though. Often."

"Good, not too often though." Lexa teased.

They ate, talked, laugh, and, God, Lexa felt great. She felt light, relaxed. She couldn't remember the last time she felt like this, she probably never had.

Octavia and Raven left at midday that day, leaving Lexa and Clarke sitting quietly on their sofa, Aurora curled up in front of the fire. "We should turn our phones on," Lexa murmured, turning to look at Clarke who bit down on her bottom lip and nodded.

They fished their phones out of their bags and switched them on.

Lexa's began buzzing first, over thirty texts and ten missed calls.

The missed called came from her family. Her brother and sister and parents. The messages came from her family, Jasper, Monroe, even Bellamy had messaged her asking if everything was OK.

She decided to get her parents messages out of the way first. There was seven between the two of them and they all essentially telling her to get home.

She went to Jasper, Bellamy and Monroe after that.

_Double J: [20:12] Clarke, I just seen the news. Are you ok?_

_[01:13]I'm hoping you are just busy and you really are ok._

_[02:00] Just call me, please._

Lexa smiled at Jaspers concern, send him a quick message telling him she would call soon before moving onto Bellamy.

_Bellamy Blake: [21:17] Lexa Woods, who knew u had it in u ;)_

_[21:20] Seriously, tho, u ok?_

Lexa ignored Bellamy, she knew Octavia had already spoken to them, moving onto Monroe's messages.

_ZoRoe: [00:12] damn, Lex, she's hot ;)_

_[00:14]I'm guessing that's why she would growl at me whenever we spoke?_

_[07:00] Let me know you're ok, I know no one has heard from you and I know your asshat of a dad wouldn't have taken this well_

Lexa texted her to tell her she was fine, taking a deep breath before moving onto her siblings messages.

There was nine from Anya

_The oldest Tree: [20:01] Lexa, where are you?_

_[20:35] Dads freaking out_

_[21:21] Don't come home tonight_

_[01:34]But please let me know you're ok_

_[02:06] I love you, kid, we will help you through this_

_[05:48] Ok, now I'm worried, call me_

_[10:40] Lexa, please_

_[14:03] Lexa this isn't fucking funny. I'm worried about you_

_[16:30] got in touch with Octavia. Call me when you get wherever you're going_

  
There was eight from Lincoln.

_Abe: [20:40] shit, Lex, are you ok?_

_[23:20] Call me as soon as you get this kiddo_

_[03:40]I'm guessing your phone is off_

_[05:20] And judging from the emptiness of your room you've took off_

_[12:03] Just be safe, and look after yourself_

_[18:37]Dad just got a call from Jeff, it's good that Clarke is with you_

_[20:37] I love you, let us know when you're safe_

_[20:38] I'm proud of you for getting out_

Lexa felt a twist of guilt in her stomach, she felt terrible for causing her siblings to worry.

She called Anya first.

_"Lexa?" She answered within seconds._

"Yeah, An."

_"Thank god," Anya breathed and the sound of Lincoln asked if she was ok floated through the phone._

"Yeah, I'm fine. We, uh, we're in Canada. I've been setting up for a while, I have a job, so does Clarke, we have a place to live." Lexa explained, "It's nice, you should see it."

_"You were planning this?" Anya sounded a little hurt._

"I couldn't tell you. Plausible deniability."

_"Can we come visit?" Lincoln asked._

"Yeah, of course. Just let me know when you want to come up and we will sort it."

_"How about this weekend?" Lincoln offered. "I need to see you to make sure you're ok."_

"That should be ok, yeah. I will sort it out closer to them time."

_"Is Clarke ok?" Anya asked._

"Yeah," Lexa hummed, glancing over at Clarke who was frowning down at her phone. "Yeah, she's fine. I'm gonna go, ok? I love you guys. He hasn't hurt you has he?"

_"No, we're OK." Lincoln answered._

_"Bye, kid. We love you."_

Lexa hung up, dropping her phone and turning to Clarke.

"Baby, you ok?"

"My mom texted me asking me to call her," Clarke frowned. "Most of the other messages are just from Jeff, calling me all kinds of crap. And my lawyer telling me she has sent the papers and sent a copy to Jeff."

"What are you going to do?"

"I mean, I should call her, right? She's my mom."

"Don't feel obligated too, she's been a total asshole to you, you don't owe her anything." Lexa squeezed Clarke's thigh calmingly.

"I still think I'm going to call her, see what she wants."

Turns out her mom actually did care. She just wanted to ensure Clarke was ok, and even asked to come visit sometime, to which Clarke said she would have to wait and see. Her mom seemed to understand, understand just how much she had hurt her daughter.

"We should go get paint and paper and start redecorate tomorrow," Clarke suggested.

"Sounds like a plan,"

\--

"Your father email me today," Clarke commented while they covered the sofa and tv with a sheet, preparing to decorate.

"What did he want?" Lexa asked, pulling her hair up into a hair band.

"He offered me a million dollars to take you home and leave you."

Lexa felt the panic raise on her chest, she should've known this would happen. "I'm not- no." Lexa shook her head frantically, pushing Clarke away when the blonde tried to grab onto her cheeks. "I'm not going back."

"Hey. Lexa, stop, I said no!"

Lexa stopped shaking her head, her breathing still ragged as she stared at Clarke. "You did?"

"Of course, baby, I love you."

"You can't- do that to me." Lexa gasped, stumbling backwards until her legs hit the sofa and she was sitting down, her face buried into her hands as she tried to stop the panic attack that was bubbling in her chest.

Clarke was down in front of her in a second, prying her hands away from her face and kissing her slowly until she felt Lexa's lips move against her own, then she pulled away.

Lexa's breathing was still heavy but it was more regular this time, she was much more in control.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that."

"No, I just- it reminded me of Costa, I don't think I could handle it if you done it too."

"I wouldn't, ok?" Clarke swore, gripping onto the back of Lexa's neck, forcing the woman to look at her. "Not ever, not for any amount of money."

"A million is a lot of money, Clarke, more than we have."

"I don't care, I love you."

A sob bubbled in Lexa's throat as she folded forward, hiding her face in her arms.

"Have you taken you pills today?"

Lexa shook her head and Clarke quickly got up, walking briskly into their bathroom, digging the two bottles of pills from the cabinet.

"Here," Clarke grabbed one of Lexa's hands and placed the pill in it, folding her fingers around the little blue and white, and blue pills.

Clarke read over the bottles as she waited for Lexa to take the tablets. She hadn't actually asked what pills Lexa was on but as soon as she saw the name on one of the bottles her stomach twisted uncomfortably.

"How long have you been on these ones?" Clarke asked, holding up the bottle for Xanax.

Lexa shrugged, "Couple of years," She answered, tilting her head back as she swallowed the pills dry.

"Babe, you aren't supposed to be on these for long stretches of time. Who has been giving you these?"

"My dad, I was initially only prescribed the Prozac but he came home with these and they worked." Lexa shrugged, her legs bouncing anxiously. "Will I ever get away from him? He's somehow go your email."

"It doesn't matter if he knows where we are, he can come here and try and convince us to come home but he had no legal weight behind him, her can't force us back to LA." Clarke assured. "But we need to talk about these pills, Lexa. You shouldn't be taking these."

"He told me they'd make me better and they did. They just made me kind of sleepy but I wasn't constantly anxious, so they worked."

"These ones," Clarke held up the bottle for the Prozac. "Are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, these limit the reuptake of serotonin, and you know serotonin a roll in anxiety, don't you?" Lexa nodded, watching Clarke attentively as she spoke.

"Yeah, I know but tell me, watching you speak it surprisingly calming."

Clarke smiled but didn't tell Lexa that the calming effect would probably be down to the pills she had just taken. "Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that is associated with a feeling of wellbeing and happiness. They don't know do sure but they think anxiety and depression is linked to one specific serotonin receptor in the nerve endings that uptakes serotonin at a rate that doesn't allow enough to to reach the brain. SSIRs prevent the reuptake by that receptor, leaving more serotonin in your brain which helps lift your mood." Clarke explained, gently squeezing Lexa's thighs. "But you can't keep talking this other ones, Lexa, if you take them for long enough you become dependent on them, addicted, that's not good."

"I'll stop taking them."

"Not cold turkey, that can be dangerous, we will wean you off of them. You take these four times a day so we will cut that in half, two a day, one in the morning and one are dinner time, Xanax leaves your system quickly so we could do that for two months then cut it down again. The Prozac will help, and you can take those without much worry, they aren't addictive."

Lexa nodded, leaning forward to kiss Clarke. "Why would he put me on them for that long of they were dangerous?"

"He probably just liked that they made you lethargic." Clarke sighed, leaning her forehead against Lexa's. "That meant you were less likely to misbehave."

"Do you ever wonder if it is hopeless? Trying to get away from him, he's always going to keep popping up." Lexa breathed, gripping onto Clarke's baggy shirt.

"I think the fact that your wondering means it isn't," Clarke whispered. "We done it, Lex, we're gone, we got out. It's just going to take us a little while to find out footing but we are going to be ok."

Lexa nodded, "I know. Sorry I thought you had accepted."

"It's ok," Clarke assured, kissing Lexa's lips. "How about we leave decorating until later tonight? We can go relax in bed for a little while."

"Yeah, I think that's what I need."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so either in the chapter after this one or the one after that someone does die, just forewarning. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and reviewing : )

They painted and papered the living room that night, resulting in both of them being entirely covered in paint (they will both argue that the other started it) (but it was Clarke putting forest green hand prints on Lexa's ass that started it off) and a very excited Aurora needing to be hosed down outside to get all of the paint out of her fur.

The photo they put up on Instagram of the three of them covered in paint gained hundreds of thousands of likes and thousands of comments, most of which were good. They were all over E! News by ten that night.

They moved onto the bedrooms the following day, then the bathroom and kitchen the day after that.

The little hallway was their final place to decorate and it was then that Clarke told Lexa her mother was visiting that weekend. In _two days_.

"When did you find out?"

"I asked her this morning. Sorry I didn't clear it with you."

"No, it's ok. Lincoln and Anya couldn't come this weekend anyway, they need to wait for my dad to simmer." Lexa assured, gently taking ahold of Clarke's chin, seeming paint on her face as she done so. "And I'm happy you are going to get to see her."

"You put paint on me, didn't you?"

"What?" Lexa gasped in mock offence, "Never."

Clarke raised her paintbrush, ready to get Lexa back but the younger girl held her hands up.

"Wait. Aurora's already had to have three baths in the past three days, let's not do this again."

Clarke said she wouldn't.

(She did, of course.)

\--

  
Clarke's mother arrived at seven Friday night, wrapping her daughter up in a hug and smiling at Lexa.

"You must be Lexa Woods?"

"Yes, Mrs Griffin." Lexa smile, taking ahold of the woman's hand.

"I've heard a lot about you,"

Lexa glanced at Clarke, she knew Clarke had barely spoken to her mother so she didn't think it was Clarke who had told her. "From who?"

"The media, mostly."

"I can assure you that most of that isn't true."

"Let me show you were room," Clarke said, grabbing her moms case and leading her toward the spare room.

Lexa glanced down at Aurora when she released a sleepy little whine. "Yeah, I don't like her either, pup."

Clarke's mom seemed to settle in fine and, if Lexa hadn't known how she had treated Clarke in the past she probably would have liked her, she was pleasant enough.

Clarke took her mom her Banff, the hospital she would be working in and she even convinced Lexa to take her to the wolf centre. The promise of sex from Clarke really helped her agree.

"You don't like me, do you?" Abby questioned on the morning she was leaving. It was just her and Lexa sitting at the kitchen isle, Clarke had taken Aurora out for a walk.

"No," Lexa answered honestly. "I don't like how you treated Clarke, even after she did everything she did for you. She got married to pay the medical bills for your self induced illness."

"I was hurting," Abby tried to defend.

"So was Clark," Lexa said incredulously. "She didn't just loose her father she lost her mother too. You are her mother, you're supposed to look after her not the other way around."

"I know what I did-"

"No you don't! Because you disowned her, you stopped talking to her. She didn't have anyone but Raven. You left your daughter to fend for herself after she done everything she could to look after you." Lexa's jaw twitched. "So, no. I don't like you but I'm trying because you're Clarke's mother and I love her."

"Well, I'm glad she has someone like you in her life."

Lexa levelled her eyes on Abby, opening her mouth to reply but stopped when Aurora came thundering into the kitchen, stopping briefly to be petted by Lexa before rushing over to her water bowl.

"Everything ok?" Clarke asked as she entered the living room, apparently sensing the tension.

"Yeah, everything's fine, baby." Lexa promised, standing up and walking over to Clarke, planting a sweet kiss on her lips before whispering. "I'm going to get changed, ok? I called the centre to let them know I ended up coming up early so they're letting me start early, they asked me to come in for a few hours today."

"Oh, ok. What time will you be home?"

"Around two," Lexa gently squeezed Clarke's side. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"It was nice to meet you, Mrs Griffin."

Abby was gone by the time Lexa got home from the centre.

"She told me," Clarke said as Lexa sat down beside her, Aurora hopping up onto her lap. "My mom, she told me what you said to her."

"Clarke," Lexa started, about to defend herself but before she could Clarke silenced her with a kiss.

"Thank you," Clarke whispered, her fingers digging into the hair at the base of Lexa's neck. "No one has stuck up for me like that before. It means a lot."

"You aren't mad?"

"Of course not, you said everything I didn't have the guts to say." Clarke curled up against Lexa's side, scratching behind Aurora's ear. "Tell me about your day?"

"I didn't really do much. Indra, that's the woman who owns the centre, just showed me around. Told me what I would be doing and we done some of the paperwork." Lexa explained, running her hand up and down Clarke's back. "I start on Thursday."

Lexa looked down at Clarke who was staring up at her with a soft smile on her face.

"What?" Lexa breathed, a smile pulling its way onto her lips as she spoke.

"Nothing."

"How about you go order us some food and I will start the fire and start up Netflix?"

"That sounds great," Clarke planted a kiss on Lexa's jaw before hopping off the sofa, Aurora rushing after her.

Lexa smiled as she watched the two retreat out of the living room, a warm feeling spreading across her chest and her stomach flipped.

This was it. This was what feeling safe felt like. This was what feeling content felt like. This was love.

"Thai or Chinese?" Clarke called from their bedroom where she had gone looking for her phone.

"You pick,"

\--

Lincoln and Anya came to visit that weekend, both of them wrapping their sister up in a tight hug.

"Guys, breathing is a thing I'm still required to do," Lexa huffed, laughing as her siblings pulled back.

"Are you doing ok? Have you settled in? How's work?" Anya rushed out.

"Where's Clarke?" Lincoln added.

"I'm fine. Yes, we have. It's great. In the living room." Lexa held a finger up with each question she answered. "How have you both been?"

"The house has been tense but Anya's been working and I've been just staying out of the house." Lincoln explained. "Dads been trying to figure out a way of getting you home, but I'm guessing that's not going to happen?"

"No, there's no way I'm going back."

"Good," Anya smiled, her eyes moving to Clarke who had just exited the living room. "Clarke, hey."

"How are you?" Lincoln asked and Lexa smiled as her brother moved to hug Clarke.

"I'm great. How are you guys doing?"

"Better now that we know Lexa is ok."

Lexa took Lincoln to the centre on Saturday to show him around, leaving Anya and Clarke to spend time together in Banff walking Aurora.

"You know if you hurt her I'll feed you to her wolves, right?" Anya said sounding almost nonchalant, kicking the tennis ball Aurora had just dropped at her feet.

Clarke wanted to laugh, she probably would have done if she thought Anya was even slightly joking. "I know." She hummed. "But I won't. I love her, more than I've ever loved anyone."

"Good. And thank you for helping her get out."

"She helped me, too. I would've been stuck in that marriage if it wasn't for her." Clarke admitted. "She means so much to me, Anya, I wouldn't dream of doing anything to hurt her."

"I believe you." Anya gave Clarke a tight lipped smile. "She's done what Lincoln and I have been trying to do for years. She got out, she got away from them."

"Why haven't you? You have a good job, you could transfer somewhere else."

"Do you have any younger siblings?" Anya glanced up at Clarke who shook her head. "You feel a strong urge to protect them, that urge tops everything else. I didn't matter how scared I was, how afraid of my father I was the urge to protect Lexa and Lincoln was always higher. I can't leave because that means leaving Lincoln, I couldn't forgive myself for that."

"He wouldn't hold it against you, he would understand."

"I know he would, but I still couldn't do it. When and if he gets out, I'll leave too." Anya reasoned. "I'm so proud of her, for everything she's ever done. She doesn't hear that often enough, that people are proud of her. My father never told her, my mom didn't, I rarely every do and I don't think Lincoln does. Honestly, I think the only person who tells her is Octavia."

"I'm sure she knows,"

"Maybe, but it would still be nice to be told." Anya sighed. "You make her happy, Clarke. I've never seen her this happy before."

"She deserves to be happy."

Lincoln and Lexa were home by the time Anya and Clarke got home, both of them laughing about something in the living room.

"Hey, where did you two get too?" Lexa asked, leaning back over the sofa to kiss Clarke.

"We went for a walk in Banff," Clarke answered.

"Everything ok?" Lexa asked quietly once Anya was out of earshot.

"Surprisingly, yes. We spoke about stuff, cleared the air about stuff." Clarke crouched down behind the sofa, kissing Lexa's cheek. "How was your day?"

"Really good. I think Lincoln is thinking about leaving, too."

"Yeah?"

"Mm, he's not sure yet, though." Lexa smiled, tilting her head back to kiss Clarke. "I'm going to start dinner."

\--

Lincoln and Anya headed back to California on Monday morning and Clarke started work on the Friday after that.

Work, combined with the divorce, was making Clarke stressed.

So stressed, in fact, that she was constantly snapping at Lexa. Lexa was patient, she knew how stressful it was for Clarke to have to contact Jeff, to all but  _beg_  him to sign the papers.

"Lexa, do you know how much extra energy it would take to just put your clothes in the washing basket?" Clarke snapped, startling Lexa out of her little comfortable bubble. "It would literally take you a few seconds."

"I was going too-" Lexa tried to argue.

"Oh, really? Were you going to yesterday? And the day before?" Clarke challenged. "This isn't California anymore and I'm not your fucking maid. You need to start cleaning up after yourself."

Lexa had learnt not to try and get comfort from Clarke when she was in the midst of the stacks of paperwork but it had been a particularly tough day at work and she really just wanted to be with Clarke.

She huffed as she fell over the arm of the sofa to fall face first into the cushion beside Clarke. Clarke had papers scattered all over the coffee table and was sporting Lexa's university jumper, her glasses and a messy ponytail. She barely even spared Lexa a glance. "Tough day?"

"Mm, had to put a pup down." Lexa sighed, crawling up and squeezing her head between the small space between Clarke's arm and leg, resting the back of her head on Clarke's thigh.

"I'm sorry, babe." Clarke tutted, leaning down to press a lingering kiss on the tired woman's lips.

"It's all part of the job. What're you up too?"

"Well, I'm alternating between paper work from the hospital and these fucking diverse papers." Clarke huffed, taking her glasses off and pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. "He is refusing to sign them, Lexa."

"What can you do?"

"I mean, eventually, I will be able to divorce him but it will take longer." Clarke leant back against the sofa, one arm resting over Lexa's side while she ran her other hand through the brunettes hair. "Which is why he is doing this," Clarke snapped, her head tilted back toward the ceiling. "He is just trying to make this difficult for me, draw it out for as long as he can because I know he doesn't want to stay married to me, I humiliated him and he wouldn't like to be seen as weak by letting me away with it."

"Then tell him you're going to go to the tabloids." Lexa offered, turning to bury her face in Clarke's stomach. "If there's one thing I know it's what the magazines consider a good story and if you go and tell them he refuses to sign the papers because he still loves you and is trying to win you back that will make him look weak."

"Yeah, I'm sure that will work considering he is currently in the middle of the ocean with fifteen super models."

"Broken hearted people do silly things." Lexa replied. "I know men like this, Griff, I grew up around men like him. Anything that makes him look weak he will want eradicated, that includes you."

"Way to make me feel safe, babe." Clarke huffed.

"I love you," Lexa turned into her back, smiling up at Clarke as she ran her fingers through her hair. "And please don't stress about this, regardless of how long it takes you will get rid of him, he has no power over you now. And I hate to see you stressed."

"No, you hate that I snap at you when I'm stressed." Clarke corrected, grinning down at Lexa.

"Well, yeah, that too. But I would rather you snap at me instead of keeping it all bottled up." Lexa said. "Besides, there's no rush, right?"

"I know. But I just want him gone, out of my life for good, you know?" Clarke fixed her glasses on her head, grinning down at Lexa. "Get on with my life with you."

"We are getting on with our lives, Griff. He's irrelevant, being married to him isn't hurting our life together."

"You promise?"

"Of course, unless you're planning on proposing to me soon." Lexa grinned teasingly up at Clarke.

"You would love be the next Mrs Griffin."

"It wouldn't be the worst thing I've been called."

"Smooth," Clarke grinned, cupping Lexa's cheek as she bent down and kissed her. "I'm sorry for snapping at you the past week."

"You can make it up to me with dinner and hot sex." Lexa smirked, chasing Clarke's lips as she tried to pull away.

"In that order?"

"I'm thinking hot sex, dinner then more hot sex."

"Sounds like a solid plan." Clarke hummed. "To the bedroom, then."

Clarke got up off the sofa and Lexa twisted to watch her leave, her eyes running down Clarke's long, bare legs. Her mouth ran dry when Clarke lazily pulled the sweater off as she walked, revealing nothing more than a pair of black, lacy underwear.

"God, I love you." Lexa whispered, rolling off the sofa, landing on her hands and knees on the ground, scrambling after her girlfriend, making sure to close the door to prevent Aurora from interrupting them.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know I feel like I didn't really capture the feeling to grief and loss in this. 
> 
> I've just been really unsure of my writing recently so I've not been writing as much so I'm sorry for any delays on these chapters. 
> 
> TW: character death

"Sit," Lexa commanded from her place on the kitchen counter, one of Aurora's treats in her hand. Aurora obeyed, her tongue lolling out of her mouth as she sat down. "Good girl. Now stand,"

Aurora pushed up on to her rear legs, her front legs bent in front of her.

"Good girl," Lexa cheered, throwing the treat up for Aurora, who easily caught it.

"What are you two up too?" Clarke asked, entering the kitchen dressed in her scrubs.

"I was teaching Aurora some new tricks." Lexa scratched the back of Aurora's ear when the puppy planted her paws on her knees, dipping down to kiss her head. "When do you finish?"

"Six tomorrow morning," Clarke snagged the treat from Lexa and threw it behind her, causing Aurora to rush after it. Clarke took up positions in between Lexa's legs, her hands holding onto her girlfriends thighs. "Can we go out for dinner or something tomorrow? I feel like we've hardly seen each other these past two months."

"Yeah, babe, of course. I'll book a table at that place in town tomorrow."

"Mm, ok." Clarke hummed, leaning closer to Lexa.

Lexa's hands cupped Clarke's jaw as their lips touched.

"The only time we've really spent together since we moved in has been sleeping and sex, you'd think I'd be bored of sex by now." Clarke breathed. "Yet, all I want to do is get down on my knees for you right now."

Lexa huffed out a breath. "You can say shit like that when your shift starts in an hour."

"I'm gonna go before I end up being late." Clarke pecked Lexa on the lips before taking a quick step away. "I love you."

"I love you," Lexa replied, watching Clarke as she left. "How do you make scrubs look good?"

"Eat me,"

"That's exactly what I will be thinking about while you're gone." Lexa called, laughing when she heard Clarke groan just before the door clicked closed.

\---

Clarke called her the next day telling her an emergency had came up and she couldn't make it home.

Lexa understood, she was head surgeon for goodness sake, she had lives to save. But instead of wallowing around the house all day she decided to head down to the hospital with Aurora, intent of texting Clarke telling her she was outside.

She didn't expect to see the blonde sitting alone on a bench outside.

"Baby, hey," Lexa said softly, but she still managed to startled Clarke out of her little daydream.

Clarke looked up at her girlfriend, her eyes puffy and red. "Hey," She managed to pull a smile on her face but Lexa could tell from her voice alone that she had been crying.

"What happened?" Lexa asked, handing Clarke her coffee and sliding her hand over the blondes thigh.

"She was fifteen," Clarke started, looking down at the takeaway cup in her hand, flicking the edge of the lid with her nail. "Her parents found her on the kitchen floor in agony, she swallowed half a bottle of bleach." Clarke set her jaw, lifting her eyes to Lexa. "Do you know what bleach does to your insides?" Lexa shook her head slowly. She wasn't sure she wanted to know. "It burns your oesophagus, all the way down to your stomach. When it reaches your stomach it changes the pH there and causes the stomach to essentially digest itself. She would have been bleeding out of her nose and mouth, she would hardly have been able to breath and her vision would had been gone." Lexa watched helplessly as Clarke's lip wobbled, she had never seen Clarke react like this before. "She must've been so scared, Lex. And whatever made her do it much have been killing her. I couldn't do anything, I tried my best but I couldn't save her."

"Babe, you can't save everyone." Lexa said because what else was she supposed to say?

"She was _fifteen_. No one should ever feel that way, let alone a fifteen year old." Clarke leant closer to Lexa's side when the younger girl wrapped her arm around her shoulder. "And I know this might be selfish but all I could think while I was working on her was that that could've been you. At fifteen you wanted to do the same thing, that could have easily been you." Clarke sniffed, looking up at Lexa with tears pooling in her eyes. "I can't loose you, Lex."

"Hey, you're never going to loose me, ok?" Lexa promised, using the back of her knuckles to wipe away the few tears they fell from Clarke's eyes before pressing a kiss to her lips. "I promise."

Clarke nodded, "I'm sorry I had to cancel dinner."

"That's perfectly OK," Lexa kissed Clarke's forehead. "I will rearrange it, let's just get you home and into bed. You are finished, right?"

"Yeah," Clarke groaned as she stood up, finally addressing Aurora who had sat patiently at her feet. "Hey, baby."

Aurora's tail pounded off the sidewalk and she tilted her head against Clarke's hand.

"I'll walk you to your car then head to mine." Lexa offered.

Clarke nodded, taking a sip of the coffee Lexa had given her, her face morphing into a look of disgust. "God, Lex, a little cream wouldn't hurt."

"Give it back then?" Lexa reached for her coffee, laughing when Clarke pulled it away. "That's what I thought."

Aurora stayed by Clarke's side as they walked, obviously sensing her blonde owners distress. She then refused to leave Clarke when she got into her car, which was how she ended up in the passenger side of Clarke's car.

"You ok to drive?" Lexa asked, bent down beside Clarke's open door, her arm braced on the top of the car.

"Yeah, I'll be ok."

Lexa nodded, holding onto Clarke's chin as she dipping down to kiss her girlfriend. "See you in a bit."

Lexa was half way home when her phone started ringing, she glanced at the display in her car, hitting answer when she saw Octavia's name. "Hey, O."

"I think Raven asked me to marry her."

"You _think_? What do you mean you think?"

"Well, we were lying in bed last night, she's moved in by the way-"

"Yeah, Clarke told me. Thanks for that."

"Anyway, we we're lying in bed and I said something and she said 'careful, keep saying things like that and I might I marry you and ruin your life'." Octavia explained, stopping for a few seconds to yell at a driver who had beeped at her. "And I said that that would hardly ruin my life and then she said 'let's do it then'. But that was it, she kissed me after that and we did speak about it again."

"It was just a passive comment, O, chill out." Lexa laughed.

"I am chilled out," Octavia said. "I'm actually more scared that she was kidding."

Lexa let that information sink in, a little smile spreading across her lips at the sight of Aurora's head poking out the passenger side of Clarke's car. "Octavia Blake, do you want to get married?"

"Not _right now_  but, eventually." Octavia answered, sounding almost shy. "She's it for me, Woody."

"You should go for it then. Just because your engaged doesn't mean you have to get married any time soon." Lexa reasoned, a heavy feeling settling on her chest at the question she was about to ask. "Do you want me to come to Cali and help you look at rings?"

"Course not." Octavia answered without much thought at all, she knew how much the idea of returning to California scared Lexa. "But I can pick you up on the way to New York, we can have a look there."

"Sure. When?"

"The weekend? When do you have days off?"

"I'll talk to Indra and get the weekend off."

"Ok, meet me at the airport at seven on Friday. I will bring Raven to hang out with Clarke in Canada. Well tell them it's best friend time or something." Octavia offered. "I've gotta go, Woody, I'm about to head into a meeting."

"Ok, miss big-shot-business-woman." Lexa teased, drawing a laugh from Octavia.

"I love you,"

"I love you, too, O."

Lexa hung up the phone, a little smile pulling its way on her lips at the idea of her best friend getting engaged.

"I'm going to New York with Octavia this weekend." Lexa informed Clarke when they got back to their apartment, heading straight for the fire. It was always something that calmed Clarke, just lying on the furry rug while the fire popped and cracked beside them. "She's dropping Raven off and picking me up. It's some kind of best friend thing." Lexa explained. "I haven't spent time with her in forever."

"Yeah, I'm glad I get to see Raven." Clarke murmured, sitting down behind Lexa, placing a kiss on her clothed shoulder.

Lexa set up the fire before lying back on the rug, pulling Clarke down with her, the blondes head resting on her shoulder. Aurora curled up behind Clarke.

"Thank you for today." Clarke whispered against Lexa's shoulder, her eyes watching the flames of the fire.

"Any time you need me, babe."

\--

"How are my siblings doing?" Lexa asked as she and Octavia walked through the streets on New York.

"Good. I said to them they could come to my place whenever they need to get away."

"Thank you for looking out for them." Lexa smiled gratefully at her best friend.

"You don't have to thank me." Octavia assured as they turned onto seven-thirty and fifth.

"I can't believe you are about to become a kept woman." Lexa grinned. "Octavia Reyes,"

"Octavia Blake-Reyes, actually."

"You've thought about it," Lexa laughed teasingly, wrapping her arm around Octavia's neck and pulling her in for a hug. "My little 'Tavia is growing up."

"Oh, bite me, Woody!" Octavia shoved Lexa away from her. "Like what you've done isn't on the same level."

"I'm not getting engaged."

"No, but you've ran off to a different country with a girl, that's way bigger."

"No it's not, I was leaving anyway." Lexa shrugged, smiling gratefully at the door attendant when he opened the door for them.

Piaget, Lexa hadn't been here in a long time.

"Do you know what you're looking for?"

"I saw a nice one online," Octavia hummed, scanning the glass cases.

"Hello, ladies." Both Lexa and Octavia looked at the voice. A young man stood their, his hair slicked back and a pair of simple black glasses framing his eyes. He was dressed in a black suit, his hands clasped in front of him. He smiled charmingly at them. "Can I give you a hand?"

"Yes, please." Octavia fished out her phone, pulling up the ring she wanted. "I'm looking to buy an engagement ring."

The man took the phone, humming and nodding in approval at the ring. "Jardin secret platinum ring with a central, pear cut diamond and over fifty perfectly cut diamond on the band." He rhymed off, probably out of habit. "Fantastic choice. Follow me," Lexa and Octavia trailed behind him, over to a case toward the back. "I'm guessing it isn't for you, considering all of the controversy you've been apart off recently."

"Nope, I'm just helping her out." Lexa answered.

The man nodded, unlocking the case and pulling out the ring. "Here you go, it really is a beautiful ring."

"You have to say that." Octavia grinned at him, taking the ring for him.

"True," he conceded, "But I did get my wife one similar, though it was considerably cheaper."

"It is beautiful, O. Raven will love it." Lexa commented.

"Yeah, she will." Octavia smiled softly. "How much?"

"Here's the kicker," the man laughed. "Six hundred and twenty thousand, plus vat."

"Ok, yeah." Octavia nodded, handing the ring back to the man. "I'll take it."

"Ok, just give me the size you are looking for and I will go get it for you."

\--

"When are you going to ask her?" Lexa asked when they got back to their hotel room.

"I'm not sure," Octavia hummed. "She liked it in Canada, maybe we can go to Niagara Falls, maybe the CN towers."

"The CN tower is nice, I went there with my brother a few years ago."

"Maybe there then. You and Clarke can come too."

"No, we're fine." Lexa laughed, "This is a special moment."

"Yeah, and I want me best friend there. And I know Raven would, too." Octavia fell back onto the bed, throwing a pillow at Lexa. "Come on, Woody. I need you there for moral support."

Lexa caught the pillow, rolling her eyes at her best friends pout. "God, fine." She huffed, throwing the pillow back at Octavia. "When?"

"Two weeks," Octavia said. "We will come to BC, get you guys and fly to Toronto."

"Ok, I will talk to Clarke about getting the weekend off."

Clarke and Raven came to pick them up at the airport the next day.

"How was New York?" Clarke asked as Lexa got in the back of the car, the younger girl leaning through the middle of the seats to kiss Clarke's cheek.

"It was really good, yeah. What have you two been up too?"

"You know," Clarke shrugged, side eyeing Raven. "Just went for a walk around Banff and stuff."

Lexa narrowed her eyes at Clarke but accepted that as an answer, settling back in her seat. "How's Aurora?"

"I'm perfectly capable of looking after her, Lex." Clarke glanced at Lexa in the mirror. "She's fine."

"Clarke fed her a whole stake." Raven commented with a little smirk on her lips.

"Clarke!" Lexa snapped.

"Fuck you, Raven." Clarke grumbled. "It would've gone to waste, Lexa."

"You can't just feed her stuff like that, she'll get fat."

"It was one stake,"

"One stake leads to one hundred stakes."

"You're over reacting."

The couple continued to bicker on the way home, leaving Octavia and Raven watching in amusement.

"You are terrible." Octavia laughed, her chin resting on the side of Raven's chair.

"You love me though."

"Mm, that I do." Octavia agreed, grinning as she kissed the girl.

\--

"I've never been here before." Clarke commented as the waiter showed them to their seats. "It's beautiful."

"You're beautiful,"

"You're such a sap." Clarke rolled her eyes at Lexa but kissed her on the cheek anyway.

They were seated (Clarke insisted on being right beside the window) and they ordered. Once they finished their food Octavia ordered a bottle of wine.

"I can't believe you never told her about this, Woody." Octavia laughed, as did Clarke and Raven.

Lexa scowled at her best friend, her arm slung around the back of Clarke's chair. "Because it's embarrassing."

"Oh, come on, baby, there's nothing embarrassing about almost getting lost as sea in a peddle boat and having to be saved by a stranger on a jet ski." Clarke said, bursting into another fit of giggles, as did Raven.

"You guys suck," Lexa groaned, trying to seem angry but the sound of Clarke giggling had her smiling behind her glass of wine.

The conversation switched to a story from the hospital, one Lexa had already heard, so she took the opportunity to poke Octavia's leg with her feet, arching her eyebrows questioningly.

Octavia gave her a little nod, waiting for Clarke to finish her story before gently pushing herself away from the table.

Raven and Clarke watched her curiously as she turned to face Raven.

"I may have lied, we didn't just come here for dinner." Octavia admitted. "When I went travelling I honestly didn't expect to make any friends let alone meet the girl I would fall in love with. I knew as soon a saw you in that sketchy bar in Paris that you were going to be important to me but I would never have imagined it would have been to this extent. I love you, Raven Reyes, you're it for me." Octavia fished the ring box out of the pocket of her jumpsuit as she got down onto one knee.

"No way," Raven said with a little, amused grin.

"What?" Octavia frowned self consciously.

"No, I just-" Raven shook her head, turning to reach into her jacket pocket, emerging with a ring box of her own.

"Fuck off," Lexa whispered, resulting in a little slap on her thigh from Clarke.

"I was going to ask you the same thing."

"No way," Octavia repeated, a large grin stretching across her face. "I assume that means you agree to marry me?"

"No, I bought the ring for a laugh," Raven said.

"And that's how I expected you to accept my proposal you sarcastic little shit." Octavia grinned happily, leaving up to kiss Raven, pulling away when there was a wolf whistle somewhere over the other side of the room.

"I was about to ask you, too."

"Did you know about this?" Clarke asked, averting her eyes from the couple across from them to look at her own girlfriend.

"Did you?"

"I asked you first."

"Mature," Lexa hummed, taking another couple of photos before setting her phone down on the table. "And yes, I knew. That's the reason we went to New York."

"I knew, too."

"I knew you knew something, you are a god awful liar."

"And that fact you are such a good liar is concerning," Clarke teased.

"Look who I had as a father, if I wasn't such a good liar I'd probably be dead." Lexa shrugged, sliding her arm back across the back of Clarke's chair, smiling sweetly at her. "Will you be my date to the wedding?"

"Of course," Clarke agreed, pecking Lexa on the lips.

\--

"So, when's the engagement party?" Clarke asked as they entered the hotel.

"Jeez, they only just got engaged, relax." Lexa laughed.

"It will be in Cali, though." Octavia said carefully.

"That's fine," Clarke assured and Lexa nodded.

"We'll come through for it."

"Good, now, as much as your company is fantastic we have an engagement to celebrate."

"I am so glad we aren't beside them," Lexa laughed, closing the door to their hotel room.

"Raven was so afraid Octavia would say no," Clarke lounging back on the bed with a groan of appreciation.

"As if, I've never seen Octavia so in love." Lexa crawled into the bed, hovering over Clarke, bumping her nose against Clarke's playfully. "I love you."

"You aren't going to get all brooding for marriage and a kid like you're best friend is, are you?"

"Like we have time." Lexa scoffed.

Clarke hummed, skimming her fingers up Lexa's spine. "For the record, though, I would totally marry you."

"And you will, just not for a couple of years yet,"

"Deal," Clarke smiled, holding her pinky up to Lexa.

"You are going to make me pinky promise you that we will get married?" Lexa arched her eyebrows, hooking her pinky around Clarke's when she nodded. "Fine. I, Lexa Woods, do solemnly pinky swear that I will one day marry you, Clarke Griffin."

"This is just as good as a legally binding document, you know?"

Lexa nodded, her eyes skimming down Clarke's body. "I wouldn't mind if you held it against me."

"You are a dork," Clarke laughed, leaning up to kiss Lexa but before she could the younger girl pulled back.

"Wait, did you say Octavia was brooding for a kid?" Lexa asked with a frown.

"Yeah, they both are." Clarke said. "You didn't know?"

"No," Lexa shook her head, sitting up on Clarke's thighs. "Are they going to get one?"

"Get one?" Clarke laughed, pushing herself up onto her elbows. "It isn't like going to the store and picking up spaghetti."

"No, I know. But are they?"

"They spoke about it, Raven said. She said she would carry it because the idea of giving birth makes Octavia white as a sheet. They've even spoken about names."

"Fuck, Octavia hasn't even said anything."

"You guys have been distant recently, though. Which is understandable, you are trying to get on your feet here, Octavia is running the family business, you are both busy."

"Yeah," Lexa breathed, covering Clarke's hands that had slid onto her lap. "You don't think I'm losing her, do you?"

"No, I don't think you ever will."

Lexa nodded, "How about we celebrate their engagement, too?"

"Weird way to get into my pants but sure."

\--

Things went as normal when they got back to BC, work was really taking it out of both of them but they made a point of making time for each other. Anya and Lincoln came up and visited a few times over the next two months, and even Jasper came for a day. 

Lexa knew the happiness couldn't last.

"Lexa," Clarke whispered, gently shaking her girlfriend. "Lexa, baby, you need to wake up."

Lexa grumbled about five more minutes, patting Clarke's face and turning away.

"Please, Lexa, this is serious."

Lexa blinked away the sleep, her face still pressed against the pillow as a feeling of dread settled in her stomach. "What's wrong?"

"Your dad has been arrested." Oh, God, Lexa had a feeling she knew exactly what Clarke was going to say next. "It's your sister."

Lexa sat up slowly, narrowing her eyes at Clarke as she shook her head. "No,"

"I'm sorry."

"You're _sorry_? Sorry for what! Is she ok?"

Clarke shook her head. "No,"

"She can't-" Lexa gasped to catch her breath, shoving Clarke back when she tried to hug her. "Not Anya, she was the good one, not Anya."

Clarke just watched helplessly as Lexa curled her arms around her head like she always would when she was having a panic attack.

Lexa just repeated 'not Anya' over and over for about ten seconds before she pulled her head out of her arms and began slapping at her cheeks. "Wake up!"

Clarke quickly grabbed Lexa's hands and, at first Lexa fought her but eventually gave in, sagging against her girlfriend. "Please wake me up, please."

Clarke felt her heart break at her girlfriends pleas, wrapping her arms tightly around Lexa. "Octavia is flying up right now, we have to meet her at the airport in two hours."

Lexa was in a daze as Clarke got her out to the car, allowing Aurora to hope into the back seat before driving to the airport.

"Lexa," Octavia breathed, wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck.

"It can't- Not Anya, Octavia, it can't be Anya."

"I'm so sorry."

Lexa was so far inside her own head, trying to convince herself it wasn't true, it _couldn't_  be true, this was her big sister, the women who looked after her all of her life. She _couldn't_  be gone. She was so distracted that she couldn't even remember the ride back to her old house.

She came out of her daze as she walked through the doors, her eyes landing on her brother who was standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Lincoln," Lexa breathed, rushing over to her equally distraught looking brother, wrapping her arms around his midsection and pressing her face against his chest. "It's can't be true."

Lexa's fists gripped onto the back of Lincoln's shirt as the man gently ran his hand over Lexa's hair. "I'm sorry, kiddo."

A sob escaped Lexa's lips but it was muffles by Lincoln's shirt. "No,"

"Alexandria,"

Lexa pulled back at the sound of her name, her eyes hardening at the sight of her mother. Her very sheepish looking mother.

"This is as much your fault as it is his," Lexa sniffed, wiping her eyes as she moved quickly toward her mother, causing the woman to take a few steps back until her back was pressed against the wall. "You knew! You knew what he did to us, to your children, and you let him do it." Lexa was in her mothers face now, her nose red and her eyes puffy from crying. She poked her finger into her mothers chest, " _You_  let him kill Anya."

"I didn't think he would go this far."

"You shouldn't have let him hurt us at all!" Lexa yelled.

"Baby," Clarke said softly, gently touching Lexa's hand. "Let's go back to Octavia's."

"No," Lexa allowed Clarke to pull her away from her mother, because If she didn't put a little space between them she was afraid she might hurt her. "No. I'm staying here, she's leaving."

"Alexandria-"

"You don't have any say here anymore." Lincoln cut in, "The divorce when through this morning, this is _my_  house now, and I want you out."

"She divorce him already?" Clarke asked.

"First thing she did," Lincoln said. "It was like she cared more about her image then she did about her daughters-" Lincoln choked up before her should finish that sentience. He blinked a few times, nodding up the stairs. "Your room hasn't been touched."

Lexa headed up stairs but instead of going to her old room she was straight to Anya's. Clarke followed quietly, gently touching the base of Lexa's back when she just stood in the doorway.

"What am I supposed to do?" Lexa asked, sounded detached.

"Grieve, you need time to process this."

"She can't be- she called me on Monday and said she was coming to Canada this weekend." Lexa was on the verge of breaking down, Clarke could tell just by her voice. "She never breaks her promises."

"Octavia, Raven and I are going to deal with the funeral so you and your brother don't have too."

Lexa took in a quivering breath as she glanced back at Clarke. "Thank you," she turned, burying herself against Clarke's chest.

Clarke helped Lexa into bed where the youngest girl curled up into a ball, barely managing to acknowledge Aurora as the dog curled up beside her.

Clarke watched her, unsure of what to do because she got an idea.

She disappeared into Anya's room, grabbing the blanket that was folded on top of the bed and heading back to Lexa's room. She threw the blanket over her girlfriend, who immediately gripping onto it and covered her nose with it.

After taking a large breath in Lexa's seemed to relax a little. "Thank you."

Clarke crawled into bed behind Lexa, not touching the girl until Lexa reached back and grabbed her hand, wrapping her arm around her midsection.

Lexa wasn't there when Clarke woke up, both she and Aurora were gone. Clarke headed downstairs, walking over to the kitchen table where Lincoln was sitting.

"Morning," the man said in a gruff voice, a voice that told Clarke he hadn't slept at all.

"Did you get any sleep?"

Lincoln shook his head. "She's outside." He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder toward the backyard.

Clarke sat up to peer out the backdoor, spotting Lexa curled up on one of the hammocks with Aurora underneath.

"That was Anya's favourite spot. She would sit there whenever she was overwhelmed or upset."

"How long has she been out there?"

"She was there when I came downstairs at four am."

"Should I go out there?"

"I honestly don't know what she needs right now, Clarke."

Clarke gave the man's shoulder a little squeeze as she headed to the kettle and flicked it on.

She made the liquorice tea Lexa liked before heading out to her girlfriend, holding out the mug to Lexa.

Lexa blinked, pulling her eyes away from the water to look at Clarke.

"It's the liquorice one you like."

Lexa accepted the mug with a quiet thank you.

Clarke pressed a gentle, loving kiss to Lexa's cheek, a way of showing Lexa that she was there when she needed her, and turned to head back inside.

"Clarke," it was a soft call of her name, Clarke barely caught it, but she did, and she quickly spun around to look at Lexa. "Stay, please."

"Of course," Clarke clambered onto hammock beside Lexa, running her hand up and down Lexa's back when the younger girl leant against her.

"She's really gone," Lexa stated in a rough voice. "My big sister is really dead."

Clarke swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, pressing her nose against Lexa's temple.

"You know, when I was a kid, probably around five or six, she used to wrap a sheet around my shoulders and we would use the long, paper tubes from the middle of the wrapping paper rolls as swords. She would say she was my mentor and she would teach me how to fight, how to become a worrier, how to be _strong_." Lexa recalled, a hint of a smile on her lips but it dropped after a few seconds. "Little did I know what she was doing the was more than playing. She was teaching me how to deal with my father, how to shoulder the burden of what he did to us. Hell, up until I was eight she took the blame for everything I did wrong, she done the same with Lincoln." Lexa wiping at her eyes as she sniffed. "She protected us, Clarke, and not once did I ever thank her for that."

"You didn't have to thank her," Clarke assured softly. "She knew you were thankful and the fact you and Lincoln were safe was good enough for her."

"I went into her room this morning and do you know what hit me the hardest? She had a book sitting on her bedside table, some Greek mythology book because that's the kind of nerd she is- was, the book mark was sticking out about three fourths of the way through." Lexa swallowed, shaking her head lightly. "She's never going to finish that book."

For something so simple, seemingly irrelevant, it hit Clarke pretty hard so she had no idea how hard it must have hit Lexa.

"She done so much for me, I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for her. She helped me pass my classes when all I wanted to do was curl up in bed, she helped me get into uni, she made me feel ok about the person I was even when my dad was doing every thing he could to tear me down. She did everything she could for me and I couldn't even protect her one time."

"Hey, come on, Lex. This isn't down to you, there was nothing you could've done."

"She didn't deserve this,"

"None of you did,"

"Anya would want something small, and she wouldn't've wanted my mom there."

"Done," Clarke whispered, kissing the side of Lexa's head.

"She liked you, you know?" Lexa commented quietly, trailing her fingers up Clarke's arm. "She maybe not have acted but she knew how good you were for me." A little laugh escaped Lexa's lips as she turned her head to look at Clarke with puffy, almost sunken looking eyes. "She hated you at the beginning, though."

"Yeah, maybe because the way she found out about us, I had her kid sister pinned to a bed."

"I supposed," Lexa laughed quietly. "She wouldn't want me to be sad."

"She wouldn't," Clarke agreed.

"But I can't help it,"

"And that's ok. You are allowed to be sad, don't feel guilty about it. You are allowed to grieve, be angry, upset, you are _allowed_  to feel this, Lex."

"I don't have it in me to be angry, Clarke." Lexa sighed. "I'm so _tired_."

"I know. It's normal to feel drained, to feel lost, and it may not seem like it now but you're going to be ok, I'll make sure of it." Clarke promised. "Anya would haunt my ass if I didn't."

Lexa snorted out a little laugh at that, and Clarke was thankful because that joke was risky.

\---

The funeral was small, just as Lexa has requested.

Lincoln cried. Lexa cried, which caused Clarke to get a little chocked up. Octavia cried (which reminded Clarke that Octavia grew up with Lexa, Anya was as much a big sister to her as she was Lexa).

Lexa could barely keep herself standing by the time they got back to the house, Clarke having to all but carry her up the front steps, with the intent of getting her straight up to bed but when they entered the house there was someone waiting for them.

"Miss Woods," the man smiled, holding his hand out to Lexa. "I'm your father's lawyer."

Lexa's eyes narrowed, "What do you want?"

"Your father has requested a visit with you," he held the visiting order out to Lexa.

"We aren't going," Lincoln said definitively.

"Not you, Mr Woods, he just wants to see your sister."

Lexa stared down at the paper for a few seconds before nodding. "I'll be there,"

"Lexa," Lincoln stared but Lexa shook her head.

"I want to know what he has to say,"

Lincoln glanced unsurely at Clarke as Lexa headed for the stairs. "Talk to her,"

"It might be good for her," Clarke replied, giving Lincoln's arm a little squeeze before following Lexa.

Lexa wordlessly got into bed, wrapping her arms around Anya's blanket. Clarke got in behind her, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend securely.

"Is this a good idea?" Clarke whispered.

"I need to hear what he has to say."

"Ok," Clarke kissed the back to Lexa's head.

"Come with me?"

"Of course, when?"

"Tuesday,"

"Ok," Clarke hummed. "Just don't expect much from him, Lex."

"I'm not," Lexa assured, "I love you."

\---

The closer they got to the prison the more unsure Clarke became. Sure, this might be good for Lexa but it may also be what completely breaks her.

She had been teetering on the edge of a break down since Anya died and this meeting with her father could very easily push her over the edge.

When they sat down Clarke honestly expected the man to apologise, to grovel, something that showed any kind of remorse for what he did.

Of course he didn't.

"I need your help, Lexa. Bail is set at two million but I can't pay it because everything I own has now been given to your mother and she won't answer my calls,"

Clarke scoffed in disbelief, shaking her head at the man across from her.

"After everything you put us through you expect us to bail you out!" Lexa snarled. "You're going to rot in here, you piece of shit."

"Baby-"

"Don't," Lexa yelled, slamming her hands down onto the table between them. "You killed Anya. You murdered my big sister! And I came here, stupidly, hoping you would show some kind of remorse." She snapped, a wicked, emotionless grin stretching across her lips as she leant across the table toward her dad. "I hope you die in here, I hope some of the men in here torture you so you know what it feels like to wake afraid every day, to walk around knowing that at any moment you could be attacked. And you know what? When I get the news that you've finally withered away, you have finally taken your last, vile breath I'm going to throw a huge party with all the money you've left me because that doesn't go to mom, she's already divorced you. You remember changing who the business goes to just to spite her, don't you?"

Lexa watched as her dads eyes flared with anger, a look that would usually streak fear into Lexa but not anymore.

"I'm going to burn everything you've built to the ground, the business, the houses, everything. And don't expect us to pay for your lawyer, either, you're getting a shitty state lawyer who probably doesn't know the different between prosecution and prostitution."

When her dads hand made contact with her face she didn't feel fear, she felt smug because she got him, the guards had seen, there would be video evidence of him hurting his children.

Clarke was on her feet within seconds but Lexa held her hands up, grinning as she wiped away the blood from her lip, watching the guards grab ahold of her dad. "Thanks, that's exactly what I wanted." She smirked. "Shame, you never looked good in orange."

The guards dragged her stunned dad toward his cell and Lexa kept her shoulder square and her chin up until her dad disappeared, then the facade crumbled.

"Are you ok?" Clarke asked, taking ahold of Lexa's cheeks and turning her head to look at her.

Lexa nodded weakly, falling against Clarke who wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck, planting a kiss on he girlfriends temple.

"God, I'm so fucking proud of you." Clarke gushed and Lexa sagged against her girlfriend.

"Take me home, please." Lexa sounded exhausted as she spoke.

"Of course, babe."

\--

They decided to fly back to Canada that night, promising Lincoln when her refused to come along that she will fly back the following weekend.

Honestly, Lexa just needed to get out of California, she needed to get back to a place she felt safe and the only place she truly felt safe was her home.

"I don't know how I'm going to do this without Anya." Lexa whispered while she, Clarke and Aurora stretched out in front of the fire.

"It will be tough," Clarke agreed, turning on her side to face Lexa, linking their fingers together. "She was proud of you."

Lexa frowned, turning her head to look at Clarke. "What?"

"I never told you but one day when Anya was visiting and we went for a walk while you and Lincoln were at the conservation and she warned me, told me that if I ever hurt you she would feed me to the wolves." Clarke laughed quietly, fiddling with Lexa's fingers. "Then, once that was out of the way, she told me how proud she was that you got out, that you left, she was proud of everything you've done."

"Maybe if I had told her she would've come with me and none of this would have happened."

"Lexa," Clarke sighed. "This isn't your fault."

"I just-" Lexa shrugged, her watery eyes watching her own fingers as they drew circles on Clarke's palm, her lips pressed into a thin line as she tried to stop herself from crying. "I just wonder if it would've been different if I hadn't left."

"It could've been you," Clarke whispered, sounding pained at even the thought.

"I kinda wish it was."

"Lex

"No, seriously. Anya, she- she wasn't ever in trouble, it was always Lincoln and I and whenever she _did_  get into trouble it was because she interfered when Lincoln and I were getting punished. She was _good_ , Clarke. She didn't deserve any of this."

" _None of you did_ ," Clarke stressed. "But thinking like that isn't going to do you any good."

"I think Lincoln is thinking about selling the house and moving here." Lexa commented. "He even mentioned buy and expanding the conservation centre so I can manage that while he manages the business."

"That might be good for him,"

"Yeah," Lexa breathed unsurely.

"You don't sound sure?"

"I just- I feel like we are leaving Anya behind, you know? She's there, and I don't want to disturb her room."

"She told me that if you and Lincoln both got out of California she would too," Clarke said, "And she will. She's your sister, Lexa, it doesn't matter where she's buried she's  _always_  going to be with you."

Lexa swallowed and nodded, her eyes welling with tears as she took in a deep, shaky breath. "Thank you, Clarke. For being here for me, for being patient."

"You never have to thank me for that, I'm always going to be here for you."

Lexa slid her hand up to Clarke's cheek, leaning over to press a lingering kiss to Clarke's lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Does it ever stop hurting?" Lexa asked quietly. "With you dad, has it every stopped?"

"No, you just get better at dealing with it. Over time you find yourself being able to think about them without completely falling apart, you find yourself being able to laugh at your memories again. But it still hurts, you still have those periods where you yearn for them and, I don't know, maybe that stops eventually, but not for me. Not yet." Clarke admitted. "For me, it hurt on a daily basis until I met you. It was like you filled part of the void my dad had left. Not completely but enough for me to heal a little bit, for me to be happy again." Clarke ran her hand up and down Lexa's back. "But allow yourself to grieve, Lexa, it is a part of a healthy recovery."

"God, you sound like my old shrink." Lexa huffed with a playful little smile.

"Maybe they were onto something."

"I think I'm going to go back to work tomorrow,"

"Lexa," Clarke objected.

"Don't tell me I'm not ready, I don't feel like I will ever be ready and I just need something to distract me."

"Ok," Clarke resigned, holding her pinky out to Lexa. "But promise to call me if it all gets to much?"

"I will," Lexa hooked her pinky around Clarke's, a little smile appearing on her lips as she thought back to the last time they had done this but that was immediately wiped off her face when the thought that Anya wouldn't be at their wedding crossed her mind.

"That eventually stops, too." Clarke informed softly. "Associating her death with everything, that doesn't happen as often."

"I just can't stop thinking of everything she won't get to do,"

"I know, but that stops happening so frequently."

Lexa nodded, resting her cheek against Clarke's shoulder, her arm reaching across Clarke's stomach to scratch Aurora's head.

Aurora release a sleepy little whine and stretched, her paws pressing against Clarke's side.

Which was fine, on one side she had the animal she loved and on the other side she had the woman she loved, she could deal with a little night time kicking.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's been a while, huh? Sorry, I was a little iffy about the last chapter so it kind of put me off writing another chapter but I decided I wasn't going to let myself talk myself out of writing something I enjoy. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up but hopefully soon!

Lexa just seemed to sleep walk through the next month, going down to visit Lincoln once, which ended prematurely because Lexa just _couldn't_ handle being there, so after that Lincoln came to Canada. She worked constantly and Clarke can't remember the last time Lexa spent a full night in their bed. 

 

Clarke found her in front of the fire one night at the beginning of November, her arms wrapped around her legs as she stared at the crackling and popping wood in the flames. 

 

Clarke took a seat beside her, crossing her legs, allowing her knee to gently press against Lexa's leg. 

 

"I'm worried about you." Clarke stated. 

 

"I'm fine." Lexa answered, almost robotically. 

 

She wasn't, she was the furthest thing from fine and she didn't seem to be getting better, which was terrifying to Clarke. She didn't push, though, instead she simply cupped Lexa's left cheek while she pressed a lingering kiss to her right one, prompting Lexa to close her eyes and draw in a shaky breath. 

 

Clarke closed her own eyes, pressing her forehead to Lexa's temple as she stroked her cheek. "I love you, Lexa."

 

Lexa's throat wobbled as Clarke stood up, the older woman stopping dead when Lexa gently grabbed her arm. "I'm going to be fine, right? I don't feel like it's getting any better." Lexa pulled her watery eyes away from the fire to look up at Clarke.

 

"Eventually," Clarke agreed, holding her free hand out to Lexa, pulling the girl up to her feet when she took it. "Come to bed."

 

Lexa nodded and allowed Clarke to pull her into their bedroom and undress her, leaving her in a pair of black boyshorts and nothing else. 

 

And, for some weird reason, this had Lexa's chest swelling with love for this woman. She never thought being undressed by a woman would be anything other than sexual but this, this was all about comfort for both women. There was nothing sexual about the way Clarke was undressing her, all she wanted was to look after Lexa, and that was nice, that was something Lexa wasn't really used to.

 

Clarke sat down on the bed once she had undressed Lexa, hooking her finger around the elastic of the slipper socks she was wearing and pulled them off. 

 

Lexa stepped in between Clarke's thighs when she had removed her socks, her hands threading through her hair as Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa's waist, pressing a soft kiss to Lexa's sternum before pressing her ear to her chest. 

 

Lexa's grip tightened in Clarke's hair, though not to the point where it was painful, and she pressed her open mouth to the top of Clarke's head. "I love you," she breathed against blonde hair. "And I'm sorry."

 

"Please don't apologise." Clarke whispered back, tilting her head back to peer up at her girlfriend. "Just know that I'm here for you, however you need me, but I'm not a mind reader, Lex. You have to tell me what you need."

 

"I don't _know_ what I need, Clarke."

 

Clarke nodded, nosing at the skin on Lexa's sternum. "Then we will figure it out."

 

Lexa nodded, her fingers tangling in the hair at the base of Clarke's neck as she dipped down to kiss her, their first proper kiss in a month. 

 

They crawled into bed after that, Clarke wrapping herself around Lexa, her arm resting comfortably in the valley between her breasts, her mouth pressing against the back of Lexa's neck. 

 

Clarke fell asleep almost instantly but Lexa didn't sleep much at all.

 

* * *

 

Clarke was at work the following day, rushing toward the front desk of A&E to pick up a file for her next patient when someone caught her eye, sitting toward the back of the room looking a little too pale for Clarke's liking. 

 

Clarke rushed over, startling Lexa out of her little daze when she touched the bandage around Lexa's wrist. "Lex, baby, what happened?"

 

"I got into an accident at work," Lexa muttered gruffly.

 

"One of the wolves did this?" Clarke frowned as she unwrapped the bandaged from around Lexa's wrist. 

 

"'Course not," Lexa shook her head, flinching as the bandaged stuck to her wound. "I was distracted, caught my arm on the piece of broken wire Indra has been warning me about."

 

Clarke surveyed the wound, shaking her head at Lexa. "You have no idea how close you were to slicing the vein in your wrist, Lexa." Clarke sighed shakily. "And with the wound going lengthwise, that wouldn't have been easy to fix."

 

"You can fix anyone,"

 

Clarke glanced up at Lexa, feeling a little worried at just how pale and glassy-eyed she looked. "Let's take you through and get you stitched up."

 

"Hey," a man objected as they made their way toward the doors. "I was here an hour before she was."

 

"It isn't about length of wait, sir. It is about priority," she eyed the lump on the man's arm, it was obviously a tick that had buried itself their. "A large gash and high blood loss take precedence over a tick."

 

That shut the man up, thankfully, the last thing Clarke needed was a complaint against her, and she lead Lexa through the doors, into an empty room. 

 

Lexa didn't say anything as Clarke gathered her equipment to stitch up the wound and she barely flinched when Clarke numbed the area. 

 

"He's making a plea deal. Involuntary manslaughter, he's claiming that it was just discipline gone wrong." Lexa muttered in a detached voice when Clarke pierced her skin the with suturing needle. "And they're accepting the deal."

 

"You have to stop moving for me, babe." Clarke commanded, holding onto Lexa's arm a little tighter. 

 

"He'll do ten years, Clarke. Probably less if he behaves, how is that fair?"

 

"It isn't, and it really sucks that the justice system cares more about saving money than justice, at least for people like your father." Clarke spoke softly as she focused on stitching up Lexa's arm. "But he will get what's coming to him."

 

"No he won't," Lexa shook her head in disgust. "Men like him never do."

 

Clarke knew that Lexa was probably right, her father would get away with this relatively scot free and would probably, somehow, land on his feet once he did get out, and that made her sick to her stomach. She wanted this man to suffer for what he put Lexa and her siblings through, she wanted him to rot in prison for the rest of his life. She wanted that life to not go on for much longer at all. 

 

"Maybe you're right. He might managed to weasel his way out of this one and that's horrible but just because he won't get his dues doesn't mean you and your brother can't move past this. You can't base you recovery on the punishment of your father."

 

"I know. It would've helped, though."

 

"I know, honey." Clarke sighed. "How about we go get you something to eat after this? Get your blood sugar back up?"

 

“You have an ER full of injured people out there, you can’t just leave.”

 

“I need to drive you home, my shift is almost over anyway.” Clarke assured, finished off the suturing and wrapping the wound. “How’d you get here?”

 

“Indra drove me, she wanted to stay but she couldn’t.”

 

Clarke ordered Lexa to stay put as she slid off her lab coat and rushed off toward the locker room to grab her things, asking Niylah to cover for her, which she readily agreed to do, she owed Clarke one for covering her shift a few weeks prior.

 

“Okay, lets go.” Clarke entered the room she had left Lexa in, holding up her leather jacket for Lexa to slip on.

 

Lexa slid her arms onto the sleeves, wrapping it tightly around her body, relaxing when the smell that was distinctly Clarke engulfed her.

 

Lexa didn’t say much else about her father, or about anything at all, on their way home, her head leaning against the window as she watched the dense forest pass them by.

 

Lincoln called just as they settled into the sofa Lexa half lying onto top of Clarke, who was flicking through the music channels, settling on a channel playing Elvis’ greatest hits, knowing how much of a guilty pleasure he was for Lexa.

 

“Hello?”

 

_“Hey, Lex, how are you?”_

 

“Did you call my brother?” Lexa frowned at Clarke who shook her head.

 

 _“Why? What happened?”_ Lincoln pressed.

 

“We are just home from the hospital, I cut my wrist pretty badly.”

 

 _“What the fuck, Lexa?”_ Lincoln snapped, and only then did Lexa realise how it had sounded. _“I’m coming up there and I’m not letting you out of my sight. Why the fuck wasn’t Clarke-“_

 

“I didn’t do it on purpose Lincoln, calm the fuck down.” Lexa snapped, irritation creeping up her spine. “Was that all you call for? To be an asshole.”

 

_“Be an asshole? So I lose one sister and me being pissed that I thought my kid sister tried to kill herself is me being an asshole?”_

 

“No,” Lexa sighed against Clarke’s check. “I’m sorry. I would never,”

 

 _“Good.”_ Lincoln grumbled. _“Anyway, I actually called to tell you your card has been connected to the business account, finally. Congrats, kid, you’re a multi-millionaire.”_ Lincoln sounded almost as bitter as Lexa felt at that news. It was bittersweet, really. It was nice having the money blanket back, not having to worry about paying rent and putting food on the table but it was _his_ money, she didn’t like feeling like she needed it.

 

“Did you here about him?” Lexa asked.

 

 _“The plea deal? Yeah,”_ Lincoln sighed. _“It blows, Lexa, but it’s happening, there’s no point in wallowing in it.”_

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

 _“I’m gonna come up at the weekend, look for a place to set up some new offices, I will talk to you then, okay?”_ Lincoln offered and Lexa hummed. _“I love you, kiddo.”_

 

“Love you,” Lexa replied, sighing as she dropped the phone onto the floor. “I guess we are millionaires.”

 

“We don’t have to use it. We can just leave it in an account and keep it to pay for college for…”

 

Lexa lifted her head when Clarke trailed off, the slightest hint of a smile on her lips for the first time in god knows how long. “Kids? You’ve thought about having kids?”

 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve brought this up now, not with everything we have going on.”

 

Lexa nodded, running her fingers down the skin on Clarke’s chest that had been exposed after she completely unbuttoned her shirt. “I know. It’s just nice to know that’s something you still consider after how I’ve been recently.”

 

“You’re grieving, Lexa, and people do that differently.

 

“I’ve hardly touched you, Clarke.” Lexa sighed, pressing her palm flat against the left side of Clarke’s chest. “I rarely sleep in bed with you, other than a good morning or goodbye kiss I haven’t really kissed you.”

 

“That’s okay,” Clarke promised, pressing against the underside of Lexa’s chin with her knuckles, prompting the girl to look up at her. “ _Nothing_ has changing from before all of this happened.” Clarke said with a thoughtful little frown. “In fact, yeah, it has. I respect you so much more now after seeing how you have dealt with this.”

 

There was this spark in Lexa’s eyes that Clarke hadn’t seen in a while, a spark of adoration toward Clarke and, god, as selfish as it was, Clarke had missed that look.

 

“How did I get so lucky?” Lexa sighed.

 

“I often ask myself the same thing,” Clarke smiled, tilting Lexa’s face up a little more and pressing a lingering kiss against her lips.

 

Lexa leant her head against Clarke’s chest, stroking her fingers down the girls side. ‘Cant help falling in love with you’ played from the TV and Lexa couldn’t help but smile at how cliche they probably looked right now. It was the first real, non-forced, smile Lexa had had since what happened and that eased her anxiety a little.

 

If she could pull a smile onto her face, a real, routed in happiness smile, then maybe things were going to start getting better, maybe _she_ would start getting better.

 

They fell asleep like that and Clarke woke up with a dead arm while Lexa woke up with a pretty painful kink in her neck but neither of them really cared, it had been a good nights sleep for both of them.

 

Clarke had the day off and Lexa had attempted to go into work, against Clarke’s wishes, and was promptly sent home by Indra who threatened to fire her if she didn’t take the rest of week off.

 

That’s how they both ended up walking through Banff park with Aurora, the chilly winter air nipping at Lexa’s cheeks, causing them to redden.

 

“Come here,” 

 

Lexa didn’t have time to react before Clarke wrapped her own scarf around Lexa’s neck, tucking the ends into her jacket.

 

“You’ll get cold,” Lexa objected, holding into Clarke’s upper arms.

 

“I don’t get cold, I’m a warm blooded mammal.”

 

“What am I? A cold blooded, humanoid lizard?”

 

“With a tongue like that,” Clarke shrugged innocently, grinning when Lexa huffed out a little laugh through her nose.

 

“You are a damn nerd sometimes, Clarke Griffin.” Lexa commented affectionately, her cold nose pressing against Clarke’s cheek as she kissed her.

 

The kiss was interrupted but Lexa’s phone ringing in her pocket.

 

“Hey, Octavia.”

 

 _“Hey there, Woody.”_ Octavia greeted. _“What’re you doing?”_

 

“I’m just out walking with Clarke and Aurora,”

 

 _“Ah, I bet it’s freezing up there right now.”_ Octavia commented. _“So, Raven and I have decided to have our engagement party at the beginning of December, since we actually booked our wedding for New Year’s Eve.”_

 

“You booked the wedding already?”

 

_“Yeah, beach wedding in Hayman Island.”_

 

“That beach is beautiful,” Lexa hummed. “What do you need us back in Cali?”

 

 _“We don’t. We decided to have our bachelorette party in Amsterdam. You know, we met in Europe so it seems fitting.”_ Octavia explained, _“We are going over on the fifth to the eighth.”_

 

“Okay, who’s all going?”

 

_“You, Clarke, Monroe and Harper, who are dating now, by the way. My brother, Miller, Jasper and Monty.”_

 

“Okay, no problem.”

 

_“Enough about me, though, how are you?”_

 

“What do you mean enough about you? You are getting _married,_ O, it is _all about you.”_

 

 _“It is always all about me, Lexa, I’m a princess.”_ Octavia joked. _"I think I’m going to come up in a few days, just me, Raven’s work's firewall was breached so she has been working flat-out to sort it.”_

 

“Okay, no problem.”

 

_“And, not that I feel like I have to ask, but will you be my best man?”_

 

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to show you up with how good in look in a suit?” Lexa teased, not missing the way Clarke’s eyes lit up at the fact Lexa had actually made a joke.

 

 _“Oh, please, Woody, we are both going to look incredible.”_ Octavia scoffed. _“I’m gonna go, I haven’t seen Raven in days, she’s been locked away at work so I am going to go surprise her.”_

 

“No problem, I will see you soon. Love you,”

 

_“Love you, Woody.”_

 

“What was that?” Clarke asked.

 

“We are going to Amsterdam for Octavia and Raven’s bachelorette party, and they’re getting married in Hayman Island on New Years Eve.”

 

“When are we going?”

 

“December fifth to the eighth.” Lexa said, running her hand down Clarke’s arm. “Can you go?”

 

“Of course, I’m not going to miss my best friends bachelorette party.” Clarke slid her hands around Lexa’s waist, her hands coming to rest over Lexa’s butt. “And I’m not going to miss spending three days in a beautiful city with you.”

 

“It is a beautiful city.” Lexa agreed. “Let’s head back, hm? My nose is beginning to ache.”

 

“Sure,” Clarke agreed whistling for Aurora to follow them, which she obediently done so.

 

* * *

 

Clarke woke up the a few mornings before they left of Amsterdam with Lexa gently nudging her shoulder, whispering her name softly.

 

“Hey, Clarke, I went and got us breakfast.” Lexa whispered, dragging her fingers through Clarke’s hair to move it from her face.

 

Clarke blinked herself out of her sleep and when she opened her eyes instead of seeing Lexa her vision was taken up by what looked like a bouquet of flowers.

 

“Flowers?” Clarke questioned in a sleep heavy voice.

 

“Chocolate flowers, I know you don’t really like real flowers but I still wanted to be romantic.” Lexa said with a crooked, almost nervous little grin.

 

Clarke sat up slowly, leaning back against the headboard as Lexa look a seat on the mattress beside her, holding out the bouquet of chocolate flowers.

 

“What’s this for?” She asked as she took the flowers, her eyes following Lexa as she walked around to her side of the bed with a McDonalds bag in her hand. “Are you apologising for something?”

 

“No,” Lexa climbed onto the bed, throwing the bag of food down at their feet as she moved closer to Clarke. “I’m saying thank you.”

 

Clarke looked at Lexa curiously. “For what?”

 

“Everything, I wouldn’t have been able to drag myself out of bed these past months if it wasn’t for you. It still hurts, I still cry, often, and I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown almost always but there are these moments, with you, were I feel that little niggle of happiness, like maybe everything is going to be okay, that I can get over this.” Lexa spoke softly, her fingertips brushing against Clarke’s bare stomach. “I know there is still a while to go before I’m going to be okay but with you, I know I can do it. And I know Anya wouldn’t want me to wallow in grief either, all she ever wanted for me was to be happy and, for the first time in my life, I was.” Lexa lifted her eyes from watching her fingers, that were tracing lazy patters across Clarke’s stomach, to look into Clarke’s eyes. “And I’m so glad that she got to see that I was happy.”

 

Clarke was smiling softly at her as she finished talking, her free hand coming up to cup Lexa’s cheek and pull her in for a kiss. “I’m really proud of how you have handled this.”

 

Lexa smiled, reaching down to grab the McDonalds bag, setting it on Clarke's lap. "Egg and sausage McMuffin, your favourite."

 

“Mm, I knew I loved you for a reason.” Clarke smiled cheekily, pecking Lexa on the nose before moving to side back against the headboard.

 

Lexa just smiled at that, sliding down the bed to press her ear against Clarke’s abdomen, her fingers splaying out across the soft skin covering Clarke’s ribs.

 

“You all packed?” Clarke asked around a mouthful of food.

 

“Yeah, you?” Lexa asked, her lips brushing against Clarke’s skin.

 

“I am,” Clarke hummed. “My lawyer called last night, he said we should be able to finalise the divorce soon, I will have to go down and sign some papers but it will be over soon.”

 

“That’s great.” Lexa grinned up at her, taking a bite of Clarke’s McMuffin when Clarke offered it to her. “When are we going down?”

 

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” Clarke assured, running her free hand through Lexa’s hair. “I understand that it would be hard for you.”

 

“It’s hard for you getting a divorce in your twenties, besides, I don’t want you going to a meeting with him on you own.”

 

“You can say his name, you know?” Clarke laughed, placing her half eaten McMuffin on the bedside table. “He isn’t Voldemort.”

 

“I don’t want you being around him on your own.” Lexa said, scratching her nails against Clarke’s ribs. “Besides, it will be good to rub it in his face that now _I’m_ dating the prettiest girl in the states-slash-Canada.”

 

“Smooth, honey.” Clarke smiled, sliding down in the bed to face Lexa, her hands coming up to Lexa’s neck, her fingers curling around to play with the hair at the back of her neck.

 

Lexa smiled, her palm pressing against Clarke’s stomach as she brushed their noses together. “I love you,”

 

Clarke leant forward to kiss Lexa but stopped when she felt something hop onto their bed and stumble over their bodies. After a few seconds Aurora’s face came into view, her tongue lolling out of her mouth as she stared down at them curiously, her ears standing to attention.

 

“Maybe if we ignore her she will go away,” Lexa whispered, the comment catching Auora’s attention, making the puppy bounce a little, her paws hitting Lexa’s ribs, then she moved in closer, licking Lexa’s cheek.

 

Lexa shoved the dog away and sat up, narrowing her eyes at Aurora who was sitting it pouncing position, her butt in the air. She wanted to play, Lexa could tell, but Lexa really didn’t have it in her right now to play.

 

Clarke seemed to realise that because she reached down the side of the bed for her shirt and pulled it on before pouncing at Aurora, taking the dog by surprise, as she was entirely focused on Lexa, knocking her to the bed and playfully scratching her stomach.

 

Lexa watched with a soft smile as Aurora kicked, trying to get Clarke off of her.

 

“Come on and we will get you some food.” Clarke said in an excited voice and Aurora was off the bed in a second, her nails clicking against the flooring as she ran to the kitchen. Clarke turned her attention to Lexa, planting a kiss on her lips and guiding her back until she was lying down, placing her hands on the pillow either side of Lexa’s head. “Thank you for break fast.”

 

“No problem,” Lexa placed a hand on Clarke’s cheek, the other arm sliding around her mid-back and pulling her closer. “When are you meeting with him?” 

 

“After the new year, January thirteenth. So we can enjoy christmas and the wedding.”

 

“Okay,” Lexa hummed, killing Clarke’s cheek. “When we are back we are going to get a tree and we are going to put up some christmas lights.”

 

Clarke smiled at that, she had wanted to put up christmas decorations as soon as November started but she figured Lexa wouldn’t be up for it so she didn’t push. “Okay,”

 

“Okay,” Lexa nodded, batting at Clarke’s butt. “Now, I think you promised Aurora some food.”

 

Clarke bobbed her head, telling Lexa that she loved her before bouncing off the bed and heading into the kitchen to feed Aurora.


	17. Chapter 17

Lexa had expected Raven and Octavia to rent out some VIP area in one of Amsterdam’s most prestige clubs and for the bachelorette party to be a huge blow out that would result in anyone who was single not making it home to the apartment they had rented.

 

She was partially correct.

 

Raven and Octavia _did_ rent out a bar but it was a smoking bar and they rented it out so it was only them in the place.

 

They spent their first night lounging around on large beanbags smoking and laughing and it was just so unlike Octavia that Lexa had fell down in the space Raven had occupied when the girl went to the bathroom with Clarke and Harper and asked her about it. 

 

“Why this place?” Lexa asked, playing with the lighter in her hand. “I thought you would have went on a two day drinking binge.”

 

“I don’t know, I didn’t really feel like I wanted to party all weekend. This past year if feel like I’ve changed, meeting Raven, taking a more active role in the company, you leaving, Anya, it’s kind of forced me to grow up.” Octavia’s unlit joint dangled from her lips as she dug her hand into the pocket of her hoodie, looking for her lighter. Lexa offered her hers, which Octavia took with a thank you. “Plus I’m going to be married soon.”

 

“No cold feet?”

 

“Not even a little,” Octavia shook her head definitively as she sparked up, handing the lighter back to Lexa. “What about you and Clarke? Will there be wedding bells for you both in the future? I mean, you have both already ran off to a different country and moved in together.”

 

“Definitely, but not of a while yet. She’s still married, don’t forget.”

 

“Yeah,” Octavia hummed as she took a drag. “What’s happening with that?”

 

“We’re going down to sign some papers in January,”

 

“You sure you will be okay with going down?”

 

“Clarke has never had a problem with my abilities.” Lexa commented with a little grin. It took Octavia a few seconds in her semi-stoned state to get the joke.

 

“Ah, a sex joke,” Octavia laughed quietly, pointing at Lexa with the two fingers she had her joint trapped between. “Classy as always.”

 

Lexa shrugged, her smile slackening as she looking down at the lighter in her hand.

 

“Seriously, Woody, will you be okay?”

 

“I’m always okay,” Lexa looked at Octavia though her eyelashes and she knew Octavia didn’t believe a word she said, she never did when it came to this kind of stuff.

 

“You don’t have to go, I can hang out with Clarke while she is there.”

 

“No, she has supported me through everything, I have to be there of her through this.”

 

“That’s admirable, Lexa, but Clarke wouldn’t want you doing anything harmful to you mental health.”

 

“I’ll be okay,” Lexa assured confidently. “So long as Clarke is there I will be fine.”

 

“If you say so, but if you feel even a little overwhelmed tell her, or me, or your brother. Promise?” Lexa nodded and Octavia gave her a warming look. “Promise me, Lexa.”

 

“Okay, I promise.”

 

“Good,” 

 

Lexa gave her best friend a tightlipped smile and nodded, startling when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Clarke seemed to realise her mistake because when Lexa looked up at her, almost sheepishly, she was slowly retracting her hand, giving Lexa an apologetic look.

 

“Everything okay?” Clarke asked as Raven fell down into her wife-to-be’s lap.

 

“Course,” Lexa hummed, holding he arms out toward Clarke, signalling for her to sit like Raven had.

 

“I’m sorry I startled you,” Clarke whispered, pressing her nose to Lexa’s temple.

 

“It’s okay,” Lexa assured, patting Clarke’s lap before giving it a little squeeze.

 

The night ran somewhat smoothly, they played a few childish games like _never have I ever_ and _truth of dare_ (which resulted in the only bad thing of the night happened) (Bellamy dared Jasper to try using the vodka behind the bar to breathe fire. Jasper may have lost part of the moustache he was trying to grow).

 

It was nice, relaxing, and Lexa had felt herself unwinding of the first time in God knows how long (it was entirely due to the combination of the drugs and Clarke’s nails that were lazily scratching at the back of her neck for the majority of the night) but almost as soon as she got back to the apartment room, at five am that morning, that feeling disappeared and it was replaced with the same heavy feeling she had on her chest since Anya.

 

Clarke fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, muttering how much she loved Lexa, which was nice. It was nice knowing she was the last thought on Clarke’s high mind.

 

Lexa sat down on the bed for about five minutes before she started to feel a little agitated, so she decided to pull on her hoodie, the hard, black box she had kept on her person since she had landed pressing against her stomach when she stuffed her hands into the pocket.

 

She ended up leaning against the railing of the canal just outside the apartment, the chilly air nipping at her nose and cheeks but she ignored it, she had become somewhat used to it living in Canada.

 

She took the black box out and opened it, staring down at the diamond ring trapped between the two velvet pillows. It was a round cut diamond, that reflected the light shades of blue and red, with a six prong setting keeping it in place. The actual band itself was filled half way with diamonds of the same cut and there was a complimentary ring for herself, a simple band filled with round cut diamonds.

 

She had ordered it a few days prior to leaving from Tiffany’s but actually looking at it, realising the implications of it, was somewhat bittersweet. 

 

This was the woman she loved, she _wanted_ to marry her, but she couldn’t stopped the lingering guilt that she was moving on with her life while Anya would never have the changed to even finish the book she had on her nightstand.

 

She _knew_ it was stupid, Anya would in no way hold it against her, she _wanted_ Lexa to be happy, she had no viable reason to feel guilty. But she did and she knew It would eventually begin to effect her relationship with Clarke, and that terrified her.

 

“Hey,” A sleepy voice startled her out of her daze, she almost dropped the quarter of a million dollar ring into the fucking canal, but she quickly stuffed it in her pocket just as Clarke wrapped herself around Lexa from behind, pressing a kiss to the back of her head. “Why are you out here? It’s freezing.”

 

“I couldn’t really sleep.” Lexa replied gruffly and Clarke moved to stand against the railing beside her, sliding her hand into Lexa’s.

 

“The people we love, be it family, friends, lovers, they take up this space in your heart, and that space is designated purely to them, no one else can ever fill that space, not completely. And when they’re gone there will be this gaping, aching pain that you think is never going to go away. And, honestly? It doesn’t, you just have to accept that it will always be there, the pain will gradually get less and you will start to feel much less… burdened. You just have to accept that you won’t feel the same way you did before, because with that person gone, they’ve taking away that part of you with them.” Clarke spoke softly, running her thumb over Lexa’s knuckles. “I think you are striving to become the person you were before and you won’t be, I’m not after losing my dad.”

 

“I’m just so _tired,_ Clarke. And I can’t sleep no matter how hard I try, and when I do I have horrible dreams from when I was a kid and my dad would go after one of it, it is a different occasion every time.”

 

“You are safe, Lexa. He is locked away and even when he does get out I won’t let him hurt you again.”

 

“I’m not afraid of him anymore, it’s just hard not to think about what he did.”

 

“I know, baby.” Clarke sighed, pressing a kiss to Lexa’s cheek. “I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, just never forget that I love you.”

 

Lexa bobbed her head, reaching into her pocket, taking out the ring box and leaning her forearms against the barrier. She saw Clarke try to get a better look at what she was holding but Lexa kept it clasped in between her hands. not allowing Clarke to see.

 

"Hey," Lexa piped up softly, a little smile on her lips as she held the box between her forefinger and thumb. “Would you keep your last name or take mine?”

 

“Is that your fucking adorable way of asking me to marry you?” Clarke asked with a happy little grin.

 

“Obviously not anytime soon, you are still married, but once the divorce goes through, we will talk details.”

 

“That shouldn’t be too long now,” Clarke gently took ahold of Lexa’s hips, tuning her around and pressing her back against the barrier of the canal. 

 

“Don’t you wanna see how great I am at picking out engagement rings?” Lexa kinked an eyebrow at Clarke, holding the little box in between them.

 

“Are you sure?” Clarke asked instead of looking at the ring. “Don’t do this because you think it is something I need from you.”

 

"This is the only thing I'm sure of right now." Lexa assured, "I've been out here for fuck knows how long staring at this, feeling guilty on both sides. I felt guilty that I couldn't bring myself to ask that girl that I love to marry me even thought it is the only good thing I really had to look forward too. But I also feel guilty that I'm getting the chance to actually live my life. And _I know_ that's not how Anya would would want me to feel but I can't help it."

 

"I know." Clarke brought her hands up to run through Lexa's hair. "I am so happy you asked, and of course my answer is one hundred percent yes, but I need you to be sure. This isn't something you should ask me because you feel like I'm going to start pulling away from you."

 

"I am afraid that that will happen,"

 

"Then why don't we wait? In a few months, once you realise for sure that I'm _never_ leaving you, you can ask me then."

 

Lexa bobbed her head, looking almost embarrassed. 

 

"But I love you, and this isn't a no." Clarke assured, giving Lexa a playful warning look. "You know that, right?"

 

"Yeah," Lexa said with a sad little smile, sliding the box back into her pocket. "But that means you don't get to see the ring until then."

 

“That’s not fair,” Clarke pouted, “Can I just have a peek to make sure I do _actually_ want to marry you?”

 

“No way,” Lexa grinned smugly, her grin slackening when Clarke pulled her in for a soft, tender kiss. 

 

“I love you,” Clarke whispered against her lips.

 

“I love you back,”

 

__

* * *

 

They ended up at a strip club on the last night, Bellamy had insisted, claiming it was a tradition that had to be done for at least one of the soon to be newly-weds (he claimed that it was sexist and homophobic that they thought women marrying women shouldn't do it) (Octavia hit him with her lighter). 

 

But they went anyway, high and just looking for a good time. 

 

"So, I asked Clarke to marry me." Lexa commented as she and Octavia watching the rest of the group cheer on one of the girls on stage. 

 

"Dude, that's awesome." Octavia grinned, but it dropped when Lexa didn't grin back. “That’s not awesome? She said no?”

 

"No,"

 

"So she said yes?" Octavia perked up again. 

 

"No,"

 

"There's another option other than yes or no?"

 

"She said not yet," Lexa shrugged, handing the barmaid the money for the round of drinks, with an extra few euros as a tip. "She thinks I was asking her because I was worried she would leave me."

 

"Did you?" Octavia frowned, picking up the tray that was full of shots. 

 

"Of course not, I love her." Lexa looked almost hurt that Octavia thought differently. "But I do understand why she thought that.”

 

“You two, you’ve been through so much in such a short period of time. That kind of stuff solidifies a relationship, it formulates a bond that isn’t easily broken. You guys are for keeps.” Octavia assured, giving Lexa a reassuring smile. “Just because she didn’t say yes doesn’t mean shit.”

 

Lexa nodded as they set the trays on the table in front of their friends, Octavia taking a seat on Raven’s lap while Lexa sat down beside Clarke, the blonde’s arm stretched across the sofa behind her. “Shouldn’t you be watching the show?” Lexa arched her eyebrows at Clarke, who was openly staring at her.

 

“Why? When I have the prettiest thing in here sitting right beside me.”

 

“Ah, so I’m just a thing to you?”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes, leaning over Lexa to kiss her. “Shut up, you dork.”

 

“Make me,” Lexa whispered back and Clarke happily obliged, kissing her again.

 


End file.
